Q: How to reverse PIED in relationship and what is OK and advisable and what NOT?

koaxicek · Sep 23, 2021

Hi all. I recently got into my first relationship and shortly after I discovered that I might have PIED.

Here is my story:
I am 30,5yo doing M since 12yo. I did it to P since 18yo and excessively and to high speed since 22yo. I realized that its an issue as 28yo. For year and a half (till 29,5) it was reduced, but not much and I did not tracked my progress. Last year was good. I had few minor streaks like 20+ or 50+ and also some 3ish days streaks, but then I did 163 days, then it was month of 2 - 5 days streaks and then it was 20, 2 (twice a day), 2 (twice a day), 18, 3 (twice a day), 23 (today and counting).

So here is the problem:
I got into relationship and she knows it (since yesterday) and she is very supportive. But, last week we tried to have sex, but I failed. During foreplay I lost my arousal. I suddenly stopped being horny and all what comes with it. Just like turning a switch off. We tried it later but then I could not turn myself on back. We also had some talks and whole evening were a bit emotional for me and also it should be my FIRST time (so maybe performance anxiety and stress played some role there). And also I felt that I am in a flatline. So in recap:
- first time (performance anxiety and stress)
- 18 days streak
- flatline
- emotional evening
- and I started to thinking about what am I doing with my hands etc.
- I were a bit stuffed form our dinner (steak and potatoes + glass of vine)

I am not having morning wood right now when I am alone. When we are cuddling I am kinda aroused and about 50% hard. There is some leakage as well. When we are sleeping during night I usually woke up hard. First week after last FAP I were more hard that I am now, but I guess its flatline hitting me now.

Also I dont have crazy self esteem (its better that it used to be but not great) and phimosis, but my errection is not painful and when I used some toys (in past) I did not had any problems. So I am hoping its just PIED or just some block from my brain.

Here is what I read about how to beat PIED (if thats my case), but its not consistent:

Ideally I should wait around 90 days to fully recover, or be usable, but I read that only 30 days are really needed without any sex. Then we can start to try fooling around.

I should start do exercise and reversed kegel

I should stop eating carbs or at least restrict them a bit

I should meditate

Ideally I should do kissing cuddling, etc. with my GF

I might have this problem because I dont have enough knowing about how to connect to real person, so I need to learn that

So here are my questions:

Should we really wait 90 days or 30 is enough to start to try to have a sex and see how hard I be?

What is ON and what is OFF the table during reboot. Cuddling, kissing, hugging is fine, but what about spooning, laying on each other end kissing which leads to rubbing my private area with her leg, so its kinda foreplay, coz it cause some leakage, sleeping naked and cuddling/spooning. What is better, and what should be off the table. (Also she wants to know what she can do to me and what not, to speed up my recovery. How can she help me)

Exercise and meditation and kegels are not a problem for me, but what about cards. Is it better to cut them out or at least restrict them?

What about my connection to real person? Can it be an issue or is it reversible and if yes, what steps should we do? Just things from pint 2) or there is something more?

What should I avoid. Like alcohol, protein shakes, certain meals, etc. What can slow my progress.

Any other hints that I forgot

Thanks for reading it all and bless you all.

TantraMan · Sep 23, 2021

koaxicek said: ↑

Hi all. I recently got into my first relationship and shortly after I discovered that I might have PIED.

Here is my story:
I am 30,5yo doing M since 12yo. I did it to P since 18yo and excessively and to high speed since 22yo. I realized that its an issue as 28yo. For year and a half (till 29,5) it was reduced, but not much and I did not tracked my progress. Last year was good. I had few minor streaks like 20+ or 50+ and also some 3ish days streaks, but then I did 163 days, then it was month of 2 - 5 days streaks and then it was 20, 2 (twice a day), 2 (twice a day), 18, 3 (twice a day), 23 (today and counting).

So here is the problem:
I got into relationship and she knows it (since yesterday) and she is very supportive. But, last week we tried to have sex, but I failed. During foreplay I lost my arousal. I suddenly stopped being horny and all what comes with it. Just like turning a switch off. We tried it later but then I could not turn myself on back. We also had some talks and whole evening were a bit emotional for me and also it should be my FIRST time (so maybe performance anxiety and stress played some role there). And also I felt that I am in a flatline. So in recap:
- first time (performance anxiety and stress)
- 18 days streak
- flatline
- emotional evening
- and I started to thinking about what am I doing with my hands etc.
- I were a bit stuffed form our dinner (steak and potatoes + glass of vine)

I am not having morning wood right now when I am alone. When we are cuddling I am kinda aroused and about 50% hard. There is some leakage as well. When we are sleeping during night I usually woke up hard. First week after last FAP I were more hard that I am now, but I guess its flatline hitting me now.

Also I dont have crazy self esteem (its better that it used to be but not great) and phimosis, but my errection is not painful and when I used some toys (in past) I did not had any problems. So I am hoping its just PIED or just some block from my brain.

Here is what I read about how to beat PIED (if thats my case), but its not consistent:

Ideally I should wait around 90 days to fully recover, or be usable, but I read that only 30 days are really needed without any sex. Then we can start to try fooling around.

I should start do exercise and reversed kegel

I should stop eating carbs or at least restrict them a bit

I should meditate

Ideally I should do kissing cuddling, etc. with my GF

I might have this problem because I dont have enough knowing about how to connect to real person, so I need to learn that

So here are my questions:

Should we really wait 90 days or 30 is enough to start to try to have a sex and see how hard I be?

What is ON and what is OFF the table during reboot. Cuddling, kissing, hugging is fine, but what about spooning, laying on each other end kissing which leads to rubbing my private area with her leg, so its kinda foreplay, coz it cause some leakage, sleeping naked and cuddling/spooning. What is better, and what should be off the table. (Also she wants to know what she can do to me and what not, to speed up my recovery. How can she help me)

Exercise and meditation and kegels are not a problem for me, but what about cards. Is it better to cut them out or at least restrict them?

What about my connection to real person? Can it be an issue or is it reversible and if yes, what steps should we do? Just things from pint 2) or there is something more?

What should I avoid. Like alcohol, protein shakes, certain meals, etc. What can slow my progress.

Any other hints that I forgot

Thanks for reading it all and bless you all.
Click to expand...

The first of all should be finding the inner root of your problem. Many people here think is too much porn, then they stop watching porn and their situation doesn't improve and they still think they have to keep on doing what they're doing, even though it doesn't make a difference; so that would mean the main cause for their problems is not porn (even though it may play a role).

With an example it's easier to understand: imagine you have a plant in a pot, and you use some products to make the plant grow stronger, but then you use cola to water the plant. Then, you see that your plant is not growing strong enough, and you think it's because of the products you use, so you stop using these products and the plant even grows weaker.
Finally, you realize that you should stop using cola and use water instead, and see that the plant grows stronger than before (even without using the products).

So, this would be a similar situation, porn may aggravate the symptoms but the root could be something different, and until you find and work on it, it doesn't matter how long your streaks without PMO are, they wouldn't make a big difference.

So how does PIED affect your life and relationships with others?

koaxicek · Sep 23, 2021

TantraMan said: ↑

The first of all should be finding the inner root of your problem. Many people here think is too much porn, then they stop watching porn and their situation doesn't improve and they still think they have to keep on doing what they're doing, even though it doesn't make a difference; so that would mean the main cause for their problems is not porn (even though it may play a role).

With an example it's easier to understand: imagine you have a plant in a pot, and you use some products to make the plant grow stronger, but then you use cola to water the plant. Then, you see that your plant is not growing strong enough, and you think it's because of the products you use, so you stop using these products and the plant even grows weaker.
Finally, you realize that you should stop using cola and use water instead, and see that the plant grows stronger than before (even without using the products).

So, this would be a similar situation, porn may aggravate the symptoms but the root could be something different, and until you find and work on it, it doesn't matter how long your streaks without PMO are, they wouldn't make a big difference.

So how does PIED affect your life and relationships with others?
Click to expand...

Thanks for answer.

Well I thought that PIED will not be an issue and I discovered it week ago, when I couldn't satisfy my GF (if its just PIED IDK, there were more factors that night). But I discovered porn addiction and realized that I have low self esteem, lack of energy, low social life, problem with interacting with others, etc. about 2 years ago. So I started slowly by working out, do some minor streaks, socializing more, etc. All broke down at december last year, when I started to take it more serious and did my 163 days streak, which ended at june this year after weird and bad date. Since then it was up and down.

But to your question, now I feel fairly confident, know what I want and dont want. Can look people in the eyes, have normal conversations etc. So over all my life improved rapidly during last 2 years. I also lost 20kg of weight. I never had much friend, I am not much of a social person, but I like to have stronger bonds and I can see on myself, that I am much better after starting to working on myself, mentally and physically. I never had any sexual relationship in past or any relationship with a woman, till now (once in a high school, but she cheated on me and I wouldnt call that a relationship at all), so THIS is best answer that I can give you IMHO.

Only issue is this problem with having sex. Which I mentioned in first post, there were more factors. Partially it is PIED, I am sure about it, but IDK how severe it is and I want to do all I can to finally have sex. Not for me (partially yes), but mostly to satisfy woman that I love. She is not pushing me into that. Not at all, she said, if it will take 6 months, so be it, but I am hoping for much shorter period TBH .

TantraMan · Sep 23, 2021

koaxicek said: ↑

Thanks for answer.

Well I thought that PIED will not be an issue and I discovered it week ago, when I couldn't satisfy my GF (if its just PIED IDK, there were more factors that night). But I discovered porn addiction and realized that I have low self esteem, lack of energy, low social life, problem with interacting with others, etc. about 2 years ago. So I started slowly by working out, do some minor streaks, socializing more, etc. All broke down at december last year, when I started to take it more serious and did my 163 days streak, which ended at june this year after weird and bad date. Since then it was up and down.

But to your question, now I feel fairly confident, know what I want and dont want. Can look people in the eyes, have normal conversations etc. So over all my life improved rapidly during last 2 years. I also lost 20kg of weight. I never had much friend, I am not much of a social person, but I like to have stronger bonds and I can see on myself, that I am much better after starting to working on myself, mentally and physically. I never had any sexual relationship in past or any relationship with a woman, till now (once in a high school, but she cheated on me and I wouldnt call that a relationship at all), so THIS is best answer that I can give you IMHO.

Only issue is this problem with having sex. Which I mentioned in first post, there were more factors. Partially it is PIED, I am sure about it, but IDK how severe it is and I want to do all I can to finally have sex. Not for me (partially yes), but mostly to satisfy woman that I love. She is not pushing me into that. Not at all, she said, if it will take 6 months, so be it, but I am hoping for much shorter period TBH .
Click to expand...

Your profile is quite familiar, some people I worked with were in a similar situation and after some work they got successful. How does it make you feel when you experience PIED?

koaxicek · Sep 23, 2021

TantraMan said: ↑

Your profile is quite familiar, some people I worked with were in a similar situation and after some work they got successful. How does it make you feel when you experience PIED?
Click to expand...

Well. Firstly I didnt thought its PIED. I thought that its stress, full stomach, being nervous and also I started to thinking about what am I duing, and were not really into present moment and did not JUST enjoyed myself. Which is not helpful. Then after 2 days I thought that "sh*t, it might be coz of P" and I was shocked, sad, nervous and scared. Scared and nervous mostly because didnt know what to expect and werent sure if I should told it to my GF. But since I came out with it, I feel better. I already started to do something active, like Wim Hof breathing, meditation (morning, evening), kegels, etc. Trying to be optimistic and trying to not read much about that as some cases can shock me and bring me depression (e.g. it takes xy years to fix). I want to beat it and thats it. I want to be able to make my GF happy and satisfied in our relationship and I know its gradual and it can be slow, but we both are now processing it.

modernstore99 · Sep 23, 2021

koaxicek said: ↑

Hi all. I recently got into my first relationship and shortly after I discovered that I might have PIED.

Here is my story:
I am 30,5yo doing M since 12yo. I did it to P since 18yo and excessively and to high speed since 22yo. I realized that its an issue as 28yo. For year and a half (till 29,5) it was reduced, but not much and I did not tracked my progress. Last year was good. I had few minor streaks like 20+ or 50+ and also some 3ish days streaks, but then I did 163 days, then it was month of 2 - 5 days streaks and then it was 20, 2 (twice a day), 2 (twice a day), 18, 3 (twice a day), 23 (today and counting).

So here is the problem:
I got into relationship and she knows it (since yesterday) and she is very supportive. But, last week we tried to have sex, but I failed. During foreplay I lost my arousal. I suddenly stopped being horny and all what comes with it. Just like turning a switch off. We tried it later but then I could not turn myself on back. We also had some talks and whole evening were a bit emotional for me and also it should be my FIRST time (so maybe performance anxiety and stress played some role there). And also I felt that I am in a flatline. So in recap:
- first time (performance anxiety and stress)
- 18 days streak
- flatline
- emotional evening
- and I started to thinking about what am I doing with my hands etc.
- I were a bit stuffed form our dinner (steak and potatoes + glass of vine)

I am not having morning wood right now when I am alone. When we are cuddling I am kinda aroused and about 50% hard. There is some leakage as well. When we are sleeping during night I usually woke up hard. First week after last FAP I were more hard that I am now, but I guess its flatline hitting me now.

Also I dont have crazy self esteem (its better that it used to be but not great) and phimosis, but my errection is not painful and when I used some toys (in past) I did not had any problems. So I am hoping its just PIED or just some block from my brain.

Here is what I read about how to beat PIED (if thats my case), but its not consistent:

Ideally I should wait around 90 days to fully recover, or be usable, but I read that only 30 days are really needed without any sex. Then we can start to try fooling around.

I should start do exercise and reversed kegel

I should stop eating carbs or at least restrict them a bit

I should meditate

Ideally I should do kissing cuddling, etc. with my GF

I might have this problem because I dont have enough knowing about how to connect to real person, so I need to learn that

So here are my questions:

Should we really wait 90 days or 30 is enough to start to try to have a sex and see how hard I be?

What is ON and what is OFF the table during reboot. Cuddling, kissing, hugging is fine, but what about spooning, laying on each other end kissing which leads to rubbing my private area with her leg, so its kinda foreplay, coz it cause some leakage, sleeping naked and cuddling/spooning. What is better, and what should be off the table. (Also she wants to know what she can do to me and what not, to speed up my recovery. How can she help me)

Exercise and meditation and kegels are not a problem for me, but what about cards. Is it better to cut them out or at least restrict them?

What about my connection to real person? Can it be an issue or is it reversible and if yes, what steps should we do? Just things from pint 2) or there is something more?

What should I avoid. Like alcohol, protein shakes, certain meals, etc. What can slow my progress.

Any other hints that I forgot

Thanks for reading it all and bless you all.
Click to expand...

1. As long as you quit porn, you will begin to recover. You'll see it in as little as a week.

90 days is the amount of time chosen by YBOP experts for reboots because recovery tends to get increasingly better from day 1 to about 70-100, after which there are diminishing returns (and sometimes decreasing if you have little sexual experience). Going 90 days without sex is longer, but you'll be at 100% functioning quicker than if you went 30 days without sex and then started having medium grade sex.

Rebooting with a partner: What about sex?

What do I say to my mate?

Porn-induced ED: What do I tell my girlfriend?

What if my partner is a porn addict?

If you are with a girl who cares about you and is cool with dealing with this issue, I highly suggest do the 90 day reboot and then having sex. Here are my reasons:

the total time between the start of your reboot and having sex with 100% enjoyment will be far quicker if you do the 90 day reboot

rebooting for longer tends to unhook you more from porn than shorter reboots AND makes relapses much less frequent and severe in the future

becoming comfortable around this girl through kissing, hugging, and cuddling will make your brain enjoy your first time having sex more, and this comfortability will increase the longer your reboot is

you can practice your oral and fingering skills on her during your reboot and learn to remove your penis from the idea of sex, making your first time much less stressful

2. Spooning is fine as long as you're not being stimulated. Friction or pressing on your penis what you want to avoid. If you're unsure about it then I would err on the side of not doing it for your recovery. I would avoid grinding, twerking, and "aggressive" spooning during my reboot. It's only 90 days so might as well make sure you're doing it right instead of risking it.

3. I don't think carbs are an issue. You definitely don't need sugars. You also don't need highly refined carbs like chips, fried food, and heavy creams. Breads and pastas should be fine though. I made a thread about increasing serotonin to make rebooting easier and eating carbs is a way to do that. Check it out here: Using Brain Chemistry to Inhibit Compulsions and Reboot Easier

4. Don't quite understand this one.

5. Alcohol won't help. Protein shakes should be fine.

6. Browse this site and see if there are any questions that you think are relevant.

Porn FAQs

Evolution has not prepared your brain for today’s porn

koaxicek · Sep 24, 2021

modernstore99 said: ↑

1. As long as you quit porn, you will begin to recover. You'll see it in as little as a week.

90 days is the amount of time chosen by YBOP experts for reboots because recovery tends to get increasingly better from day 1 to about 70-100, after which there are diminishing returns (and sometimes decreasing if you have little sexual experience). Going 90 days without sex is longer, but you'll be at 100% functioning quicker than if you went 30 days without sex and then started having medium grade sex.

If you are with a girl who cares about you and is cool with dealing with this issue, I highly suggest do the 90 day reboot and then having sex. Here are my reasons:

the total time between the start of your reboot and having sex with 100% enjoyment will be far quicker if you do the 90 day reboot

rebooting for longer tends to unhook you more from porn than shorter reboots AND makes relapses much less frequent and severe in the future

becoming comfortable around this girl through kissing, hugging, and cuddling will make your brain enjoy your first time having sex more, and this comfortability will increase the longer your reboot is

you can practice your oral and fingering skills on her during your reboot and learn to remove your penis from the idea of sex, making your first time much less stressful

2. Spooning is fine as long as you're not being stimulated. Friction or pressing on your penis what you want to avoid. If you're unsure about it then I would err on the side of not doing it for your recovery. I would avoid grinding, twerking, and "aggressive" spooning during my reboot. It's only 90 days so might as well make sure you're doing it right instead of risking it.

3. I don't think carbs are an issue. You definitely don't need sugars. You also don't need highly refined carbs like chips, fried food, and heavy creams. Breads and pastas should be fine though. I made a thread about increasing serotonin to make rebooting easier and eating carbs is a way to do that. Check it out here: Using Brain Chemistry to Inhibit Compulsions and Reboot Easier

4. Don't quite understand this one.

5. Alcohol won't help. Protein shakes should be fine.

6. Browse this site and see if there are any questions that you think are relevant.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your answer. It is very useful and with lot of informations. Thats what I needed tbh.

I have some followup Qs and clarification of a point 4.

So to the point 4.:
I meant it that as I dont have any previous sexualy or any relationship experiences, then I might have harder time to connect with her as a real person and that could make our sexual life bumpy at the start. What I am trying to say is that I dont need to RE-learn what it is to do it and be with real person, I need to LEARN that from scratch. Thats what I read somewhere here, IDK if thats really an issue or someone made it up. Could that be a problem or could my recovery take longer time due to that?

And my followup questions:

does my previous rebooting streaks make some benefit for me? I mean 30 or even 90 days is highly doable, no doubt there, but can I make this streaks as my stepping stone to feel more relieved and less stressed and just enjoy the ride?

I understand that pressing or stimulating my penis would make it take longer. So I guess rubbing too, or basically any stimulation is not good, so even harder foreplay is no go. My question it is OK if I will go wet during spooning, kissing, etc? And if during fooling around some pressing will happen, but only shortly, like during switching positions, I guess that fine, or also no go?

I guess I can scratch an itch down there, that not like sexual touch or anything.

She is a virgin too and as far as our conversation went, fingering and other stuff will be out of the table, as she also want so do it for the first time properly. Which I am OK with it, but I dont think it will be fair to build up her enticement and then nothing.

Q to my phimosis. I did not have any issue with it yet. I even used some toys in past and I were fine, nothing hurt, but I am afraid that with a woman it will be different and it might hurt me. So maybe will be better to have circumcision in our 90 days streak. But then I am afraid that after surgery I might have some problems with getting it up, or stress from pain etc. And honestly IDK what to do in this topic :/

Thanks

southin · Sep 24, 2021

modernstore99 said: ↑

1. As long as you quit porn, you will begin to recover. You'll see it in as little as a week.

90 days is the amount of time chosen by YBOP experts for reboots because recovery tends to get increasingly better from day 1 to about 70-100, after which there are diminishing returns (and sometimes decreasing if you have little sexual experience). Going 90 days without sex is longer, but you'll be at 100% functioning quicker than if you went 30 days without sex and then started having medium grade sex.

Rebooting with a partner: What about sex?

What do I say to my mate?

Porn-induced ED: What do I tell my girlfriend?

What if my partner is a porn addict?

If you are with a girl who cares about you and is cool with dealing with this issue, I highly suggest do the 90 day reboot and then having sex. Here are my reasons:

the total time between the start of your reboot and having sex with 100% enjoyment will be far quicker if you do the 90 day reboot

rebooting for longer tends to unhook you more from porn than shorter reboots AND makes relapses much less frequent and severe in the future

becoming comfortable around this girl through kissing, hugging, and cuddling will make your brain enjoy your first time having sex more, and this comfortability will increase the longer your reboot is

you can practice your oral and fingering skills on her during your reboot and learn to remove your penis from the idea of sex, making your first time much less stressful

2. Spooning is fine as long as you're not being stimulated. Friction or pressing on your penis what you want to avoid. If you're unsure about it then I would err on the side of not doing it for your recovery. I would avoid grinding, twerking, and "aggressive" spooning during my reboot. It's only 90 days so might as well make sure you're doing it right instead of risking it.

3. I don't think carbs are an issue. You definitely don't need sugars. You also don't need highly refined carbs like chips, fried food, and heavy creams. Breads and pastas should be fine though. I made a thread about increasing serotonin to make rebooting easier and eating carbs is a way to do that. Check it out here: Using Brain Chemistry to Inhibit Compulsions and Reboot Easier

4. Don't quite understand this one.

5. Alcohol won't help. Protein shakes should be fine.

6. Browse this site and see if there are any questions that you think are relevant.

Porn FAQs

Evolution has not prepared your brain for today’s porn
Click to expand...

In regards to point 3 - what is wrong with being stimulated by your partner through spooning, cuddling, kissing etc? Aren't we supposed to rewire?

I'm in the same position as OP, which is why I am asking.

modernstore99 · Sep 24, 2021

southin said: ↑

In regards to point 3 - what is wrong with being stimulated by your partner through spooning, cuddling, kissing etc? Aren't we supposed to rewire?

I'm in the same position as OP, which is why I am asking.
Click to expand...

There's a difference between arousal and sexual stimulation.

Arousal is that feeling you get when you're horny. I think we all know what it means.

Sexual stimulation is physically touching erotic zones for the purpose of sexual pleasure. You want to avoid this for a more successful and efficient reboot. It's absolutely not bad, but you're reboot will take longer.

Spooning, kissing, and cuddling are all absolutely fine since they don't involve any your erogenous zones being touched. If you were spooning and pressing your penis hard up against her for relief or grinding yourself on her, that's stimulation and will make your recovery slower.

Does that make sense?

modernstore99 · Sep 24, 2021

koaxicek said: ↑

Thanks for your answer. It is very useful and with lot of informations. Thats what I needed tbh.

I have some followup Qs and clarification of a point 4.

So to the point 4.:
I meant it that as I dont have any previous sexualy or any relationship experiences, then I might have harder time to connect with her as a real person and that could make our sexual life bumpy at the start. What I am trying to say is that I dont need to RE-learn what it is to do it and be with real person, I need to LEARN that from scratch. Thats what I read somewhere here, IDK if thats really an issue or someone made it up. Could that be a problem or could my recovery take longer time due to that?

And my followup questions:

does my previous rebooting streaks make some benefit for me? I mean 30 or even 90 days is highly doable, no doubt there, but can I make this streaks as my stepping stone to feel more relieved and less stressed and just enjoy the ride?

I understand that pressing or stimulating my penis would make it take longer. So I guess rubbing too, or basically any stimulation is not good, so even harder foreplay is no go. My question it is OK if I will go wet during spooning, kissing, etc? And if during fooling around some pressing will happen, but only shortly, like during switching positions, I guess that fine, or also no go?

I guess I can scratch an itch down there, that not like sexual touch or anything.

She is a virgin too and as far as our conversation went, fingering and other stuff will be out of the table, as she also want so do it for the first time properly. Which I am OK with it, but I dont think it will be fair to build up her enticement and then nothing.

Q to my phimosis. I did not have any issue with it yet. I even used some toys in past and I were fine, nothing hurt, but I am afraid that with a woman it will be different and it might hurt me. So maybe will be better to have circumcision in our 90 days streak. But then I am afraid that after surgery I might have some problems with getting it up, or stress from pain etc. And honestly IDK what to do in this topic :/

Thanks
Click to expand...

Being a virgin doesn't help but it doesn't make it impossible to enjoy sex. Virgin brains don't "know" they're supposed to like sex, even when they have a naked female in front of them. Our adolescent bodies deal with this by getting an erection for literally anything exciting, which makes it very easy to have sex when you're young. Unfortunately, porn abuse takes the ability to get hard for anything away from you, so it's very likely you won't enjoy sex the first few times. You may not be super hard, it may not feel great, and you may not cum. However, the more you do it and enjoy it, the more your body will like it over time, until you're rock hard and barely able to last 3 minutes. In short, it may not be great at first, but it will get better. This exact thing happened to me because I was a virgin before my first reboot. At first sex felt weird as fuck and I wasn't very hard, but after just 1.5 months it felt like I had a piece of firewood between my legs.

1. Yup that's fantastic that you've done reboots before. Since you've never rewired with sex you're still at the beginning phases of recovery, but you'll have a much easier time rebooting each time you do it. Whereas my first reboot was very arduous, I do them for fun nowadays.

2. Like do what you want, you'll just always see better results the less you stimulate your dick. So do whatever you want. Obviously better results the closer to 0 stimulation you are, but I can't control your actions. You have to decide what you want to do with your recovery and sex life. Some guys have no control over their feelings and desires and would kill to have the conscious choice you're making.

3. Yeah ofc you can scratch an itch lol. You'll know if something is sexual or not.

4. Hmm I would recommend other sexy times before having PIV sex. You'll already be familiar with each other's bodies when the time comes, you'll know how to please each other in plenty of ways, and it will feel much better for the both of you, especially her. There also is no "proper" way to lose your virginity aha. Do whatever you want. You could go with her plan, but I think it won't feel good for her and you may have trouble getting hard. I really suggest kissing naked, giving each other manual/oral stimulation, and getting comfortable with each other's bodies before sex. It makes the first time much more enjoyable.

5. I don't know much about phimosis, but definitely do not get circumcised. Your penis will be about of commission for several months lmao. I know one guy who got circumcised as a teen and he was not the same for like 10 months. If you think your phimosis will be a sexual issue, go to the doctor and see what they say. This is also why you try out other things with ladies before having sex! You can see if there's any problems hahaha. Plz don't get circumcised, but I would go to the doctor.

koaxicek · Sep 25, 2021

modernstore99 said: ↑

Being a virgin doesn't help but it doesn't make it impossible to enjoy sex. Virgin brains don't "know" they're supposed to like sex, even when they have a naked female in front of them. Our adolescent bodies deal with this by getting an erection for literally anything exciting, which makes it very easy to have sex when you're young. Unfortunately, porn abuse takes the ability to get hard for anything away from you, so it's very likely you won't enjoy sex the first few times. You may not be super hard, it may not feel great, and you may not cum. However, the more you do it and enjoy it, the more your body will like it over time, until you're rock hard and barely able to last 3 minutes. In short, it may not be great at first, but it will get better. This exact thing happened to me because I was a virgin before my first reboot. At first sex felt weird as fuck and I wasn't very hard, but after just 1.5 months it felt like I had a piece of firewood between my legs.

1. Yup that's fantastic that you've done reboots before. Since you've never rewired with sex you're still at the beginning phases of recovery, but you'll have a much easier time rebooting each time you do it. Whereas my first reboot was very arduous, I do them for fun nowadays.

2. Like do what you want, you'll just always see better results the less you stimulate your dick. So do whatever you want. Obviously better results the closer to 0 stimulation you are, but I can't control your actions. You have to decide what you want to do with your recovery and sex life. Some guys have no control over their feelings and desires and would kill to have the conscious choice you're making.

3. Yeah ofc you can scratch an itch lol. You'll know if something is sexual or not.

4. Hmm I would recommend other sexy times before having PIV sex. You'll already be familiar with each other's bodies when the time comes, you'll know how to please each other in plenty of ways, and it will feel much better for the both of you, especially her. There also is no "proper" way to lose your virginity aha. Do whatever you want. You could go with her plan, but I think it won't feel good for her and you may have trouble getting hard. I really suggest kissing naked, giving each other manual/oral stimulation, and getting comfortable with each other's bodies before sex. It makes the first time much more enjoyable.

5. I don't know much about phimosis, but definitely do not get circumcised. Your penis will be about of commission for several months lmao. I know one guy who got circumcised as a teen and he was not the same for like 10 months. If you think your phimosis will be a sexual issue, go to the doctor and see what they say. This is also why you try out other things with ladies before having sex! You can see if there's any problems hahaha. Plz don't get circumcised, but I would go to the doctor.
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Thanks for all the answers. I found them very informational.

As we were yesterday together again, I tried to stay away from any stimulation or pressing etc. There were some pressing, but it was just more like touching while spooning, I did not tried to press, rather made some distance. But I just have one last question.

While we were kissing (more like making out) and cuddling, I tried to not stimulate my penis at all. Then I noticed, that I started leaking a lot of precum and of course I had boner (like 50% kinda). Is that fine, or should I avoid have boner and/or precum as well? Because boner can give me blue balls (I think) and IDK how badly can setback me being aroused (leaking precum).

Thanks

modernstore99 · Sep 25, 2021

koaxicek said: ↑

Thanks for all the answers. I found them very informational.

As we were yesterday together again, I tried to stay away from any stimulation or pressing etc. There were some pressing, but it was just more like touching while spooning, I did not tried to press, rather made some distance. But I just have one last question.

While we were kissing (more like making out) and cuddling, I tried to not stimulate my penis at all. Then I noticed, that I started leaking a lot of precum and of course I had boner (like 50% kinda). Is that fine, or should I avoid have boner and/or precum as well? Because boner can give me blue balls (I think) and IDK how badly can setback me being aroused (leaking precum).

Thanks
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As long as you're not stimulating yourself it's fine. Lots of erections and leakage is expected during your reboot and cuddle session. I don't think anything you were doing will slow down your recovery.

Blue balls suck, no way around it. The best ways to get rid of them are either long distance running or leg day exercises at the gym; they recycle the blood away from there. The more you do NoFap the less you'll get them though. I used ot get them so bad I couldn't walk, but now I can be on the verge of orgasm during sex, pull out, not stimulate myself anymore, and not have any blue balls,

koaxicek · Sep 26, 2021

modernstore99 said: ↑

As long as you're not stimulating yourself it's fine. Lots of erections and leakage is expected during your reboot and cuddle session. I don't think anything you were doing will slow down your recovery.

Blue balls suck, no way around it. The best ways to get rid of them are either long distance running or leg day exercises at the gym; they recycle the blood away from there. The more you do NoFap the less you'll get them though. I used ot get them so bad I couldn't walk, but now I can be on the verge of orgasm during sex, pull out, not stimulate myself anymore, and not have any blue balls,
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Thanks man. You have really helpful information.

I started to do kegels and reversed kegels, but I am not sure if both are right for me. I read somewhere that reversed kegels are GO TO for PIED and regular kegels will do me more harm. Do you know where is the truth? Coz I did not found solid answer for that thing.

Thanks

CastratedLegend1 · Sep 26, 2021

the worst thing you can do is have sex for pleasure especially with ur gf/wife cause you will inevitably lose attraction and destroy urselves in the process

modernstore99 · Sep 26, 2021

koaxicek said: ↑

Thanks man. You have really helpful information.

I started to do kegels and reversed kegels, but I am not sure if both are right for me. I read somewhere that reversed kegels are GO TO for PIED and regular kegels will do me more harm. Do you know where is the truth? Coz I did not found solid answer for that thing.

Thanks
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Kegels ad reverse kegels are exercises and stretches that increase the strength and flexibility of your pelvic floor muscles. Kegels ted to increase erection hardness, but doing too many can cause premature ejaculation. Reverse kegels stretch our your pelvic floor to ease PE, but can also make it harder to cum.

I suggest you just do a reboot. Your main problem is not in your dick, it's in your brain. If it's bee several months after your reboot ad you still either aren't very hard during sex or cum way to quick, kegels and reverse kegels would be worth looking into.

DeaffGrip · Oct 23, 2021

TantraMan said: ↑

The first of all should be finding the inner root of your problem. Many people here think is too much porn, then they stop watching porn and their situation doesn't improve and they still think they have to keep on doing what they're doing, even though it doesn't make a difference; so that would mean the main cause for their problems is not porn (even though it may play a role).

With an example it's easier to understand: imagine you have a plant in a pot, and you use some products to make the plant grow stronger, but then you use cola to water the plant. Then, you see that your plant is not growing strong enough, and you think it's because of the products you use, so you stop using these products and the plant even grows weaker.
Finally, you realize that you should stop using cola and use water instead, and see that the plant grows stronger than before (even without using the products).

So, this would be a similar situation, porn may aggravate the symptoms but the root could be something different, and until you find and work on it, it doesn't matter how long your streaks without PMO are, they wouldn't make a big difference.

So how does PIED affect your life and relationships with others?
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This is one of the greatest answer I have ever read, thank you so much

Peiskos · Oct 25, 2021

As someone who defeated PIED, you should forget about counting days and setting hard targets like 30 days or 90 days etc, instead of counting the days, forget about them and live free of PMO. Doing this the time goes quickly and you recover faster, in my experience.

Everything is on the table hugging, kissing, cuddling naked, spooning even sex if able, these things help rewire your brain to the real thing and not pixels on a screen. All of it is beneficial, having a partner to recover with is a huge aid.

Also I would say don't stress over how hard you're getting when cuddling with her and if its 50% or whatever, its important to just be in that moment and enjoy it, your body will do what it wants to do either way, and when you are healed your body will tell you, you will feel it and know it.

fredisthebes · Oct 26, 2021

Peiskos said: ↑

As someone who defeated PIED, you should forget about counting days and setting hard targets like 30 days or 90 days etc, instead of counting the days, forget about them and live free of PMO. Doing this the time goes quickly and you recover faster, in my experience.

Everything is on the table hugging, kissing, cuddling naked, spooning even sex if able, these things help rewire your brain to the real thing and not pixels on a screen. All of it is beneficial, having a partner to recover with is a huge aid.

Also I would say don't stress over how hard you're getting when cuddling with her and if its 50% or whatever, its important to just be in that moment and enjoy it, your body will do what it wants to do either way, and when you are healed your body will tell you, you will feel it and know it.
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Agree with this. I'm a bit concerned with the advice to shun all intimacy with this poor lady for months at a time. Sounds like you have a nice understanding girl there - plenty would not have been so understanding, believe me.

You are wanting to rewire your brain to have a normal sex life with your gf (right?), not become some celibate monk whose dick is only good for pissing out of. A lot of guys have erection problems the first time, pmo addict or not - I am 38 year old married man and every time I started a new relationship I had some degree of performance anxiety the first couple of times. I'm also a recovering porn addict, of course . But don't be afraid of being intimate, even sexual, without making it all about the dick. Getting aroused is normal, getting erections is normal, but save them for when you are with her. Try not to let your mind wander to porn while you are with her, focus on the moment. But don't be too obsessive about it. Relax and enjoy yourself. The erections will come in time.

Deleted Account · Oct 26, 2021

CastratedLegend1 said: ↑

the worst thing you can do is have sex for pleasure especially with ur gf/wife cause you will inevitably lose attraction and destroy urselves in the process
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What do you mean. The point of sex is pleasure. That's why porn is addictive. So we should just stop having sex with our partners?

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