At some point I would like to get internet in my home. My oldest child is the age where he will soon need the internet for school work (he is 7). My husband is terrified of having an internet connection in the home, and I was wondering what kind of software people use. He is extremely tech savvy (can put together computers easily) and is able to find his way around most programs (hence the last slip regarding apps and his phone). I saw something called mmguardian for phones that looks like it could do the trick, but I was wondering what others have had success with and additionally if there was anything for computers that is successful? Btw he is now 4 months clean . Still hurts and sucks a lot but it's good progress
Have you tried spyware like hoverwatch or flexispy? I told my husband that given that he has earned trust, and for the most part I trust him with internet, that if he ever relapsed and didn't tell me then I would have the right to put spyware on devices until the trust was rebuilt. Those spywares can't be detected on the device they are downloaded on, that's the only reason i suggested them since you said your husband is tech savvy. Mine isn't so i use a basic app (mobilefence) for his phone.
Too be honest, I am certain I would tell him if I put it on any computer. For his phone, we have it covered for now anyway. He is very pro getting rid of porn in our lives and hates that he relapsed- he was actively trying to block himself without telling me that he had relapsed- deleting apps that had this loop hole and his phone was set to where he can't download apps. He was doing this WITHOUT me knowing so I do believe that he was trying to take proactive steps for himself even before his actions were revealed. I think he would find additional protection useful- right now he doesn't even want to talk about home internet- which we haven't had in over 7 years. I'm trying to think ahead because I know we will need it at some point. Are those programs for computers? Can they be bypassed by going into the bios and starting with a program other than windows? Currently, that is the set up we have. The two laptops we have (no internet here but in the past he would take the laptop to places with wifi) are set that have a password that only I know to log on (not through windows- in the bios) and if he ever tried to change the password, I would know the first time I tried to log on and my password didn't work. Anyway- this was his solution from forever ago. And due to his knowledge of computers I think it's more difficult for us than most people. As my son is only 7 I bet we have another 2-3 years before it is absolutely necessary, but I want to start thinking about it now.
I see two problems. And I have four questions. First I want to say, I can absolutely help you. However, you are enabling by showing him where to go to disable whatever to protect him. That's like saying I know you Were obese, but here is the chocolate, I hope you don't binge ok? Even though I don't want to break your amazing diet plan girlfriend! It's so backhanded. First thing, are you willing to pay? And second, if not, how much are you willing to actually do... Do you want blockers and filters or history reports or password jammies.... Like what exactly are you looking for here? (because it almost seems unreasonable.) Third, is this going be a family computer or just a child's computer? Fourth, when was his last relapse and why didn't he tell you?
I don't have the current spyware. I was just saying I am really open and honest with my husband. For me to sneak around putting things on a computer would feel dishonest, I'd rather be a couple working together on it. It would be hard to have restrictions and downloading apps blocked on his phone- without him realizing it anyway. As far as our laptops, which are almost never used, he is the one who came up with how to block himself. Other traditional methods do not work for him because of his vast computer knowledge. This is a way that he knew he couldn't get around it without me knowing. Yes I'd be willing to pay I don't know what I'm looking for exactly. I'm trying to see what's out there. When I look for what's out there, most things seem to be geared at small children only and would therefore be pretty easy for a tech savvy adult to bypass. However, I am sure someone here has put things to the test. My examples of what we are doing may have been confusing, and may be unnecessary if another method was used. It would be a family computer, currently we have no internet in the house. My primary reason for getting it would be my son, but it is generally useful to have internet in the home so it would be used by us as well I am sure. Finally, I know he relapsed somewhere around December and I confronted him April 3. I had asked on several occasions in that range and he lied. Apparently some apps open on seperate web browsers where your history is not recorded and filtered. He would delete them after he found each loophole and was not able to re download as that is a restriction on his phone. When he ran out of apps that had that loophole he would use iBooks to find images. That I had to delete for him after I found out, as disabiling that is in the restrictions section of the phone that he can't get to. I have asked him why he didn't tell me, as it would be so much easier to get over this if I knew he could tell me. And a year or so when he had one slip and told me that very same day, I got over it so much faster and we moved on. I felt like my reactions have always been pretty good. He says it's shame.
That's a pretty big lie and for it to go on that long is very damaging. Also, even if it's deleted, it's not. If it's incognito, it's recorded. Nothing is ever "gone or erased" once it's on a computer. (or phone) He may be tech savvy, but the point I was trying to make is- if you give a mouse a cookie ... You can't be honest with a liar and expect results. I mean if he finds it, he finds it. But going "here it is, don't test it", is saying "test it" to a addict. (or a child) They will test the fence.... Especially if you tell them no. And if he has a 4 month long history of not being honest, you can't expect him to be honest going forward...he should be willing to prove that to you. Just my opinion. I get honesty... I do.. But you need honesty for trust. Again, just my opinion. And yes, apps have their own internal records. So do ads. It all goes somewhere tho. Seriously. Nothing gets deleted. Ever. Like I said, I can help. What I would do, or start with tho.... Is Ever Accountable. It doesn't stop anything. So nobody looks for it. It simply sends a record of everything, every little thing, somewhere else. Like to your phone. At the end of the day. (or pick a time) Even if it's deleted. And it tells you how long they stayed on the page. Or in the app. Worried he's looking at dirty videos in Shazam? And not just using it for screening music.... 90min in the app will tell you to check the app internal history. Nobody uses Shazam that much. Not unless they were watching Beyonce Single Ladies 21x. (unnamed person on the forum) It'll tell you private mode and incognito history too. And it's free. Lock your phone. Don't let him have the password... So he can't delete the records from the day. If you want a different option, I've got more.
I absolutely agree that it is damaging and he has said to me he doesn't want to be trusted in this regard. However, him knowing what the program is would be useful for knowing if it is something he could figure a way around. That is why we knew other types of software programs wouldn't work for him. I do know him knowing I am checking his history is definitely effective. As it is, he can't download any other browser with the restrictions and I check his history every week. I've told him I hate doing it but he said he wants me to because he wants to be held accountable. As far as checking the app history, I believe you that it is stored somewhere, but how can that be viewed? I'm very curious about that. This type of program definitely looks like it has potential. I'm curious as to what other options are out there? I'm really gathering info right now, and don't plan on implementing it for another year or two. I guess it's mostly for piece of mind, that when we need to figure out a way to get internet I will know of some options. Thank you very much for your suggestion
@Just me I sent you some info about how to lock down Apple devices which you may find useful. The method I've shared with you in DM takes care of the loopholes you're talking about. I understand exactly how they work and I too did the app-deleting-whack-a-mole until I finally figured out how to block internet at the phone's root level. Today, I have a couple dozen apps that do 99% of what I need a smartphone to do, but I don't have internet access. I can't express how great it feels to be able to have a smartphone (that isn't restricted to 3 apps) and know that I'm totally safe with it. As far as desktop computers go, I use Covenant Eyes filtering and accountability software, and it's been really, really great for me (I've relapsed with MO, but I haven't viewed porn in months because of my current setup). Basically, everything I search for and go to on the internet is filtered and logged. My accountability partners are notified if I view anything pornographic. If I uninstall the program, they get an immediate e-mail notifying them that I've uninstalled it. The accountability goes deeper than just the website level, too. I've viewed Facebook pages with sexualized content (not porn, obviously, but women in lingerie, swimsuits, etc), and that got flagged. My APs were notified. That was embarrassing ... but it taught me how strong a filter I had and helped me avoid those p-sub pages after that. For $14 a month, it's definitely given me peace of mind.
Thank you for this info, I talked to my husband after a little research it does appear that I can lock down our computers to where he would not be able to circumvent that software. I did notice that it says it records everything when you are logged in. Is there a way to prevent logging out of the program? Or at least that someone logged out? The email with how to lock down the iPhone info didn't let me download your video however- I think we figured out a solution for now. Restrictions are set to no downloading apps- and he has checked all current apps if they will open their own browser before deciding if it is safe or not. He really only has a few he uses anyway. iBooks and iPods are set to only appropriate content. Web browser is still intact- but in restricted mode. I know he could probably find something that isn't effectively blocked if he looked- but he has me check his history every Friday. Can't be deleted due to restrictions. At first I was worried about the length of time it would take to go through his browsing history- but it only takes about 5 minutes. Are there any other loop holes I should be aware of? Also I have my phone set with the same restrictions.
You have to be logged into Covenant Eyes to use the internet, period. He can log out, but if he does, browsers will be useless. You don't have to download the video. You just play it on YouTube. As long as you've restricted internet access with the "Websites" tab in his Restrictions, that should do the trick. That filters the internet at the root level. Even if apps have internal browsers, they'll only be able to access the internet that the filter allows. Personally, I have 100% of internet access blocked on my phone. Apps can still do their internal networking to get the data they need (like weather apps and maps and stuff), but I can't browse the internet. I have no need for it when my apps do 98% of what I require. I just don't want to take any chances. (note: the bold sentence above is important. I don't know what you mean when you say "browsing has been restricted." Unless you've explicitly used the "Websites" tab in his Restrictions, then there will always be loopholes for him to get on the open internet)
