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Question: Does 90 day PMO mean no Sex with wife?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by jkovich, Dec 14, 2021.

Which would you recommend if no PMO while married?

  1. PMO isn’t a big deal at all if you do it together?

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%

  2. Drop the P, just focus on O when you are together and M if you are not.

    1 vote(s)
    5.6%

  3. Only orgasms are with your wife, non negotiable

    14 vote(s)
    77.8%

  4. Complete Abstinence for a period..

    3 vote(s)
    16.7%
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  1. Dec 18, 2021 #21
    jkovich

    jkovich Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for this.

    I should mention that I’ve never had a problem with stimulation or feeling in the bedroom. I’m able to perform and perform well almost every time. My wiring is definitely set up to prefer the real thing. (She’s actually the first and only person I never had a problem with - and we waited until marriage to have sex).

    I’m actually a top performing entrepreneur and I feel like I use this kind of thing as a temporary stress relearn from everything else. It gets worse if I’m not following my other disciplines, daily journaling, meditation, prayer, etc. Really what happens is that I’ll either get in an argument with my wife and get a case of the F*$*-its or get really stressed over work I have to do and sedate with self gratification.

    But what I noticed happens with that is the gradual disconnection from true emotional and spiritual connecting first to god and then to her and others. The guilt of this runs rampant in my life and I realize I need to cut it out. This is where Todd comes out to play. I realize Todd is a defense mechanism so that people won’t see the guilty, shameful, man child underneath, but myself and the people in my life don’t like Todd. He makes it so I can’t trust myself.

    I’ve never gone to the extreme to completely rewire with no O… which was the reason for the OP.

    No matter what happens, I need to get this area of my life figured out. This did start when I was 12 and has likely affected every relationship I’ve ever had.
     
    jkovich, Dec 18, 2021
    jkovich, Dec 18, 2021
    #21
    devsMind likes this.
  2. Dec 18, 2021 #22
    devsMind

    devsMind Fapstronaut

    367
    1,452
    123
    Thanks for clarifying as that certainly makes helping you easier!
    In that case PM is not impacting you as much as I thought, but still it’s possible to say that:
    1)your wife is very important and you should fight for marriage
    2)it’s common thing that people treat PM as form of escapism/coping mechanism-yet this one is very hard to eliminate and if ignored can escalate

    In order to resolve issue it is best to look closer to root cause and at the end of the day I would say that fight with PM has some benefits too-in order to maintain streak in a long run you are kinda forced to redirect freed resources (energy, time, attention)-if done properly it can basically become fuel to continuous self reflection and implementation/enforcement of healthy habits-which IMO are true NoFap superpower. Figure out how to stay accountable and try various things which people recommend as tools helping maintain streak. If fail just get up and continue-if in need you can always count on this helpful community!

    Stay strong and keep in mind that your wife could suffer because of your PM either directly or indirectly, so you need to swallow that pill and show her how much you want change-I am open with my wife & based on my experience transparency should only help you.
     
    devsMind, Dec 18, 2021
    devsMind, Dec 18, 2021
    #22
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