Reaching mid-thirties, still alone

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by HVL85, Dec 9, 2019.

  1. HVL85

    HVL85 Fapstronaut

    In about a month I will be 35 years old. I think I know why I'm in such a 'rush' all the time. It's because I believe that I'm running out of time.

    Out of time to get a woman, and have a family one day. It's not just ME I worry about. It's also the women that are still within my 'reach'. I'm under the impression that women around my age feel their biological clock ticking and are therefore also in a 'rush' to find that perfect man. That just won't work for either side. And the younger ones..? In my dreams!

    I never had a GF in my life. I'd love to be able to have a relationship as well but without any direct 'goals'. I think I just want to experience what it's like.

    But at the same time, it's that nagging feeling that if I don't make any serious committments and the relationship breaks off I will be even older and still alone. Decreasing my chances for a family even more.

    I've had some traumatic personal experiences and it makes it all the more difficult for me to gather self confidence, self worth, or even success in reaching my goals.

    I might even go as far, that deep within I feel like a failure. A man simply builds his confidence on success in life. I read most suicides are amongst men aged 50-60 because they lost their job and/or were (still) alone.

    I do talk to therapists and stuff. But it never feels like any of their advice sticks or is helping me. I know I want to do more, get out more, but everything seems pointless or 'weird' and it feels like I would do it only to meet women. It's all I can think about, evey day.

    Maybe you can relate; you want to talk to a woman but don't have the guts to say anything let alone know what to say. There are plenty of courses to be found on the internet but they always seem like a dang rip-off. Eventually, everyone's doing it to make money.

    Most of my ambitions don't come to fruitition because I give up. Enthousiasm makes place for negative thinking, and it seems unstoppable. The pattern is what brings depression, and suicidal thoughts.

    How does one get out of this..? :/
    Beatus likes this.
  2. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    Thirty eight here. I'm at the point where I'm reconsidering if I'll even bother starting a family. Many guys are willing to take their baggage into a relationship. I'd rather not so having no kids may be a real possibility. While I could date a decade younger the nice part of me doesn't want to swipe away the younger women from all the younger guys. All I can do is keep going on a path to improvement. If I start a family, cool. If not, then I'll learn to be comfortable with it.

    Aside from my own biological children, there's also the possibility of adoption or some youth mentor program like Big Brothers Big Sisters. What ever path I go, slow and steady improvement of my life is necessary.

    The best advice I feel I can give is to let go of any specific set outcome and to no compare our level of success to that of others. We have our own lives to live. While I believe raising a family is a goal we should all strive for (the lessons learned along the way can not be anything but important), it is not a goal we all will reach. Keep learning and moving forward. Those who are married and with families are doing just that.
    Beatus and Metis07 like this.
  3. SuperiorMan95

    SuperiorMan95 Fapstronaut

    Man this is a depressing fucking thread. You guys are so caught up in the darkness of life. The darkness is always available but so is the light. It's your choice to tap into reality. Reality itself is full of abundance, light, and endless opportunity. But your mindsets are so weak that you will never tap into it if you stay that way. Ya'll need to change up the scenery. Go to another country for a week, walk beautiful city streets while listening to headphones of classical music, read success stories (my father got remarried to a woman 30 years younger than him when he was in his 50s and had kids with her). Spend 3 days in solitude and connect to your deepest desires. Understand your weaknesses and find ways to overcome them. And if you have a weak will and weak drive? Guess what? I do too but I find ways around it. The weaker your will is, the more strategic you're going to have to get about how your organize your environment.
    bluered likes this.
  4. TheLightOne

    TheLightOne Fapstronaut

    My advice is not give a fuck about women, it makes you look needy.
    There will be proper time for each of us to get a woman, you just not ready yet. The time always come.
    Imagine u had a gf, now what? U dont feel like a loser to your friends? Then what, they married and you will get married coz they did? The fuck man live your life and do what you really want, dont be a fucking fearful sheep, be a wolf.
    Also when u ready u can try with dating apps.
    Metis07 likes this.
  5. Minsc

    Minsc Fapstronaut

    @SuperiorMan95 I am being positive sir. Just potentially making some choices which others would see as negative.

    @TheLightOne That feeling I'm not ready yet is the main reason I'm still single. Obviously I'd never be 100% ready. I'm just moving on, dealing with what I believe I need to deal with. When things happen, it'll happen.
  6. Max666

    Max666 Fapstronaut

    You're not running out of time. 35 is still quite a productive age. I dont know you but based on what you said I would say you're focusing on the wrong things and that's what stopping you from finding that special someone.

    Ask yourself the question - what causes a woman to be in your life? Answer: attraction. THAT'S what you should be focusing to first be attractive and then build attraction and no guy builds attraction by being relationship focused. Girls dont want those guys, they want challenge, they wanna chase, they want uncertainty, tension, anxiety. Attraction grows in tension. This is science.

    You're probably coming across as too available. Dont chase girls, just initiate contact and then get them to chase you.

    SuperiorMan95 likes this.
  7. Trinere

    Trinere Fapstronaut

    Same here 35 years old with the same fuckin problem. Never had a gf in life and it seems to me that I have lost the boy-girl-connection if u know what I mean. I hate being alone, I feel lonely even though I have good friends. I also feel inadequate, with low self-esteem regarding being in a relationship. I am really depressed. Also the experience that I am lacking makes me feel like a looser with 35. What girl wants a 35 years old guy that's missing all the relation-love-things. I also hear women saying that these kind of guys are a no-go for them. I can understand that. I really dont know how to get out of this dilemma.
  8. Fullyawake

    Fullyawake Fapstronaut

    That’s why you should ignore all the people who say ‘don’t chase women, blah blah blah, don’t be needy, blah blah blah’. How can you not be ‘needy’ when time is ticking and you want something so bad? Walking through life and letting the days pass, which then become months and years, means we don’t get closer to what we want.

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