reboot after 15+ years

hi nofap community

as recent events exposed, i have a serious issue on my hands. I have been fapping to porn for the better part of 2 decades. I have no idea when it started, but it was in my early teens. This addiction escalated to a new level this year after my roommate moved out and i was living alone for the first time in my life. No extreme porn, just addicted to novelty (and fiction). Searching the internet everyday for hours trying to find something that did not exist. I have not been physically drawn towards real women in a long time, as long as i can remember. I always rationalized this away and forgot about it. Years past with no change and everything came together these past months as i started chopping down my ego.

I am on day 32 of giving up a gambling addiction. I was in denial about that one for 6+ years. When i finally cracked my ego, it died and i let out the oddest cry of my life (almost a deep deep cry with a slight happy laugh). The kind of cry that is accompanied with a stack of bricks being lifted from your shoulders. Since that day, i have been on a rampage of reading philosophy and various self improvement books. The pron addiction will be a different battle than the gambling addiction because i was able to give control of my money to another person. The nofap will be all on me.

Epiphany moment: I recently turned 29 and hit a multi-year goal of losing 50 lbs and getting a six-pack. All it took was 1 compliment from a girl and my mind realized i hit my goal and i started to wonder why i did not have more/better luck with girls. So many stories on reddit, this forum, and yourbrainonporn hit me hard. My life story was repeated time and time again. That is, i could no longer be in denial when i was able to relate to so many members of nofap.

Day 8 is today...went to the grocery store and could not believe how many hot girls there were. Everyday is better than the last and everyday i am a better person than the day before. Had morning wood the first couple days, but nothing anymore. I was miserable yesterday, a kind of off feeling were you know you are not yourself but you cannot put your finger on it. Today was great, happy all day, connected with some long lost friends.

I am not sure where my nofap journey will take me because more than half my life has been consumed by a porn addiction. Only time will tell, but the reports here are both inspiring and encouraging.

 

stay busy
work, read, gym, 2nd job (fun hobby that pays).
stay out of the house. Every time i am out, i take my time. 2hrs at the grocery store, 3 hours at the gym, 3 hours at a restaurant with friends, no rush, just relaxing. Does not leave much time. I plan on leaving my computer at work in the upcoming weeks because i imagine i will be tempted.

 

I want to connect with people again and I want my emotions back. Simply enough, lol . Of course i am complimenting this with working out, reading philosophy, and figuring what kind of person i am. I want that porn-fog lifted from my life.

I think i am flatlining. No interest in porn or fapping. Emotionally, today was fantastic. I have not seen myself like this in years (i dont remember how many years). Everyone around me was smiling, i was smiling. Everyone i talked to was smiling and enjoying my presence. I did have some down moments, but i was able to bring it back.

I just started lifting weights again and today was chest-day. I will be damn sore tomorrow.

 

right on man!

days are blending together as the flatline continues. No urges since sunday (5 days ago). At the moment i just feel weird. Its been warmer the past few days, so maybe its fall allergies. Either way, i dont like it.