Relapsed again

Hi. As I am in a similar situation, can I join you here? I am 32, being in PMO quite a while (soft porn since I was 13-14, 2 years later high speed internet, really porn kicked in) and I realised I have an issue when I was 29! By that time I found normal to do this, you know, we are men, stress relief, etc. By that time I already exercised but I felt that the only thing makes me joy really is... not a surprise, PMO. So I joined here, started to be involved and once I made a hard mode of 22 days. I was porn free for almost half a year, doing MO on fantasizing / facebook / instagram chicks. And yes, I edged a lot. So I discovered, all of these was very harmful, that I felt like my life is just drifting, fortunately I could do my work (I am wondering now, how, but there were of course deep points in that too)but I felt how my life is going, is not up to me, not having any control of it. So I had a mixed period, when having few days streaks, only focusing on not having porn, but now I think I would like to get rid of this in general. No porn, no P-Sub, and for a period of time, no MO as well.

Today I am in day 8. This morning I have very high urges. It started yesterday and today is a high point and I feel the urge to search for any material for some soft porn (basically searching for girls on fb - I have a few I remember to search instantly). I try to stay strong because if I just see a picture, no turning back, really. I experienced that many many time. One though - oh one picture would not harm the progress - oh just a small edge, without O - nexd day, relapse.

ps.: pls. ignore my counter, when I posted this message it wasn't set properly.

Stay strong mate(s)!

 

Hi. Yesterday and the day before yesterday were tough for me, today was a bit easier, I had fantasies, I let them to be there, I even drifted a bit with these screens for ~ a minute but then I could let it fade away easier. My relapses always started like this, but with bigger cravings, only one picture, only one short video... relapse withing 2 days. I try to journal my status each day, really just for myself. Try to minimize social media scrolling thus dercreasing the chance of searching for girls. I am now ~1 month porn free so improvement that in the last 20 days before my current streak when I relapsed that was not from porn bt from fantasy / picture + fantasy of something soft. Yes, it is still a relapse, but ssometimes these are signs you are not completely broken

One thing, a bunch of my relapes were because of the flatlines, that I became scared that I am not feeling that usual attraction the things I am attracted to.

Stay safe and strong mate!

 

Dear friends I can understand your situations and I know its really hard
I was in the same situation for almost 2 years I was trying to quit porn on my own without nofap I did not know what nofap is I did not know how to quit pornography but then I found the way
Accept your addiction
Set goals
Have a morning routine
Have a busy schedule
Have clean thoughts
Do not overthink
Delete social apps
Remember always your goals and when you are on edge remember yourself after a few second you relapse
Have faith and be strong my friends
And the right solution is to stay away from everything you knew
Start new things new goals
Good luck my friends

 

And also about fantasies is not worthy to even fantasize it timeless and its destroying you stay away from fantasies and face the real sexual world

 

Hi mates. This day started a bit harder than yesterday (but not as hard than 2-3 days ago). I had a few flashbacks with fantasies but luckily nothing strong to do any harm on my streak. That was helped by the busy afternoon with work. Now evening comes which was in the last days easier than the mornings. Stay safe and strong mates!

 

Well, you’ve got a great name, NeverGiveUp. I can understand setting goals like 90 days. (Question is, what’s the plan for day 91?). I’m going with what might sound like contradictory ideas. One Day at a Time is one. The other is not a number, but has a different type of name: it’s called Forever.

Yes, One Day at a Time might seem very short sighted. And “forever” unrealistic, too daunting, or even vague. But the present moment is where I can have control, making the choice to be sober, get through the day. The “forever” is, ironically, the addict’s enemy and friend. Fearsome to think about, but where you need to be. As a porn addict, I don’t look at myself as any different from an alcoholic. One drink and I’m back in relapse, whether I’ve been sober prior for 10 days or 10 years.

I can’t get to forever if I tell myself some bullsh*t to justify looking at something that leads the wrong way. And, last time I looked, the only way to get to forever is one day at a time. If anyone has a shortcut, let me know.

Anyway, just my thoughts. You know where you need to head and have owned it by setting up a day counter. A lot of folks on these forums talk a good game but for some reason think they don’t need to keep score. So congrats on that.

Stay in the fight. And stay safe.

 

Hi mates. I just started my day 16, or day 1. The reason is... Well I didn't masturbate, I didn't have orgasm, I didn't watched porn, but some P-Sub. I had a dream of relapsing. I woke up, I couldn't sleep too much as I was at a friends place, we went to bed late I had to get up early, I slept with his cat being in the room, she woke me up couple of times dring the night, she was cute and I just can't blame her really, but my night wasn't a calm one. So I had really high urges and I watched some girls on fb I used to stalk online. It lasted for ~2 minutes. I didn't touch myself but it felt like being on the edge. The next days will be crutial. I am a bit calmer and I will have a small sleep session during the day because it's maybe being tired. A part of me wouldn't want to throw this streak away (this is my personal best in the last 1,5 years) but my other part would want to have the short-term sensation.

Stay safe and strong and wish me luck.

ElderStatesman: thanks for sharing your thought. I think I have already heard similar attitude. It was about not counting the days. Or saying "I am doing it today" and saying it every single day. Thanks for remembering me (us) about it.

 

Great advice from stylis162 and ElderStatesman. This "one day at a time" approach cannot be overemphasized. Sometimes even a day feels like an eternity, then i decide to not watch porn for the next hour only. Or just for the next 15 minutes. Then i make the decision not to watch porn for another 15 minutes. It sounds silly but it actually works, it makes the goal more manageable and less stressful.

Having good daily routines and a relatively busy schedule is a great way of shifting focus away from porn. And avoiding triggers.

Accepting my addiction was also a big thing for me. At first, i refused to believe that i am an addict, probably because of the shame i felt in identifying myself as one. Then i accepted that i have a problem but i was determined to battle it out, to win over it. Finally i accepted that i am an addict and i will remain an addict my entire life, regardless if i am sober or not. I stopped blaming my self and oddly enough, it renewed my strength & motivation to keep working on remaining sober.

 

Welcome to the forum! I can definitely relate to your story. I struggled to make it past the 45 day mark. During my early resets I was edging, fantasizing and not fully recovering. I did this on and off for years. I joined this forum in December 2020 and it seemed to change something for me. I realized what had changed when I saw the clip below (see 4:10). Steve-O explains that addiction is a selfish disease. The key to recovering is to center your recovery around helping other people. Whenever I am feeling urges I log-on to the forum and read / reply to posts to engage with others on their journey to sobriety. Keep this idea in view as you progress in your journey and I think you will see incredible improvements. You can "mob-up" as Steve-O mentions earlier in the clip by joining a challenge like the The Lord of the Rings Challenge. This offers a community within a community to reinforce what I have mentioned above. I went from struggling hopelessly to making it to 76 days no PMO. This 90 day reset has been 10x easier than any reset I tried in the past. It is 100% due to what I mentioned above.

 

This is a great piece of advice, often overlooked. Thank you for reminding.

 

Thanks, A8X. The present moment is where we make our choice. We can give up, lie to ourselves, or decide not to look at something. Long term goals are great, but you have to work to get there.

Congrats for having a day counter.

 

Hi all! Starting day 24. Apart from some urges and fantasies of soft content I have in the morning, I am fine, I can go through the day. As I have now a list for each day to do things regularly beside my work (like reading, practicing instrument, doing a short exercise or a longer one in the evening, etc.) I usually get really tired by the evening and if not I still have chance to read or doing any other "screenless" activities, so getting tired eventually. So in general, mornings are hard but so far I could handle them OK. A few days ago I had a 2 mins glance at some fb girls, luckily I was not even close to do anything leading to edging / PMO or MO.

I am also after a failed bus driving exam, which made me down a bit (sometimes it still does) so now I have to be really cautious and tactic in case I have down moments to handle them with right activities pulling myself back up.

Stay safe and strong!

 

Hi. Finishing day 29 soon and starting day 30.

However, yesterday hmm I watched some girls on fb (I am porn-free since middle of January), and I started fantasizing while I layed on my stomach. It was 3-4 times in the morning and each lasted to 2-5 minutes. At the last I really felt that I need to stop immediately because if not that will end in orgasm really. Luckily I could and the rest of the day was calm. I don't know if this considered an edging or not, however I think that costed me some setback. Usually when I edged for longer time (15 - 30 mins) that meant a relapse within 2 days (or even later on that day). So I need to prepare with a tactic when urges come.

Stay safe and strong mates.

 

I found that for me it's important to stop fantasizing. It all starts with fantasizing then PMO, so it's like FPMO. Once I let myself fantasizing it's only getting worse. Once I don't let myself fantasizing there is no way to enter PMO.