Relapsed - don't lose your time reading this

After some times lying to my self that I was just resetting, I realized I've had a relapse. What the fuck, why life sometimes is so unstable? It was easy to keep disciplined while my life was always the same routine, but to think the death of others could have such an impact on me. I really don't think there is anything that any of you can tell me which will motivate me or make me see things different. That's why I told to not lose your time. I already know that PMO sucks, that is not impossible to endure my loneliness and to get control over my impulses. In fact I've done this for a long time. But I'm seeing this post as a way for me to making a commitment. Because just resetting my counter each two days is not helping at all. I will not masturbate anymore to any kind of porn! I will not deceive myself to think that a little scape is okay. That's it.