Relationship falling apart due to hiding PMO after saying was through...

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by progressoverperfection, Jan 16, 2019.

  1. progressoverperfection

    progressoverperfection Fapstronaut

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    So I have been struggling with trying to stop PM since last October of 2017 (when I was last on here and one month into my current relationship with my girlfriend). During our relationship I would sometimes be stopping P, other times stopping M without P. Porn has caused PIED and other issues in my almost 16 month relationship. I have told her about my issues and she has been supportive but is losing her patience and trust in me. Especially since I keep saying I'll stop and I don't. I get a little streak and after we get in a fight or some other excuse, I PMO. I tell myself that my PIED is getting better so I'll be ok. Or just one more time. Or that since I stopped P that I can M. Or that since I stopped P and M for several days to a week and I have a bad sexual experience and either O too fast or not get it up, that I should M some more inbetween to get back my mojo lol. Or whatever stupid excuse my addict brain tells me.

    She caught me in the act of PMO a few months ago after I said I would stop and I said I would stop again and blamed it on...can't even remember...doesn't matter.

    Fact is I wanted to quit originally to get rid of PIED and I even more now I want to quit because I want to be honest with her and have a healthy relationship with a healthy sex life eventually. To me, PMO is cheating. And she feels the same way. Since I'm looking at other girls during Porn or fantasizing about other girls during masturbation.

    I simply cannot quit on my own volition for a significant period of time. She caught me in a lie yesterday. She asked me "how the no porn/masturbation thing was going" and she knew I was lying with my response (I'm a terrible lier). I was indignant that she would question me at first, backtracked and made excuses but the next day I felt so guilty and bad that I confessed that since the last time I agreed to stop I had PMO'd half a dozen times (in three week span). Granted it's got better than what I used to do, but it's still lying and is killing our relationship. I want to get rid of PIED completely and not fantasize about other girls anymore. I also want more than anything to be a husband and father. I'm almost 36 and ain't getting any younger. My girlfriend is such an angel and has put up with so much of my shit. I want our relationship to get stronger and was planning on proposing to her later in the Spring. But my addiction to P and M are ruining that dream. She is losing all faith and trust in me.

    Some things I'm going to do: go to local SAA 12 step meetings (going to first one tonight. I've been to hundreds of AA meetings ((but stopped going)) to help recover from an opiate addiction which I'm almost 2 years clean from)
    Stay up on this forum and get accountability back in my life.
    Get some software on my phone (already on my computer) to stop any apps that could lead to PMO.
    Check in with my girlfriend more and stay honest. With her, with God and with myself.
    "Those who do not recover are people who...are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves..."

    My question to anyone reading is do you have any other suggestions for someone with a girlfriend struggling with PMO and trust issues? We have had a tumultuous sex life, sometimes good, sometimes terrible, because of hiding PMO and I only tried rebooting once during our relationship, sometime in the beginning. I think I only got 7 to 14 days. I was thinking of trying a reboot again but am not sure a good time to start with. Was thinking of 30 days to start with of no sex and/or orgasm. Maybe just 7-14 days. Thoughts? Thanks for reading and good luck to all
     
    sakeen likes this.
  2. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Block porn and set monitoring on your devices for your so. You need hard mode intervention. Your gf had spent a lot of time waiting for u. Its your turn to proof your worth.
     
  3. MetaGame

    MetaGame Fapstronaut

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    I'd go straight monk mode in ur situation. And then try hard not to be alone. Keep busy. Basically u wanna remove access to not just porn but create a life / relationshop where u dont even have the opportunity or extra energy to waste on it. It helps if u focus on one thing really hard and consider other things a sacrifice for that thing. In this case it might be ur relationship or gf but if not find a different goal. If ur focusing on ur relationship then u can think about how to treat her better, how to connect with her, how to make her more productive. Something as simple as cleaning regularly can keep certain women very happy and it gives u something to do. The same goes with dressing better and taking care of urself. Beautify urself, ur environment, ur relationship and then u protect it. Consider urself ridiculously lucky to have a gf and someone who is putting up with ur weakness. U have the tools, you have the support. Use them and put down the things that make u weak.
     

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