Ruined my 15 month streak... help me with this app?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by imsoappalled, Feb 3, 2021.

  1. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,

    Trust me this is a sad post to write. I stopped watching p0rn and masturbating in November 2019. All went well for a long while... then after a while I made Twitter for valid purposes, where exposure to p0rnographic material became easier (I have deleted my Twitter since a few days now).

    Alongside that I made a Telegram account, where my filthy brain realized I could browse channels. The sad part is I actually needed the Telegram account for legit reasons, but you can't block channels on there. Now today I was browsing and ended up on a channel, watching/staring for too long. I ended up breaking my streak of not fapping by JUST WATCHING (that is how strong the effect was, no actual touching was needed). This happened twice (second time I desired it to actually happen).

    I could lie to myself and say that "I technically didn't touch myself," but whom am I kidding? Weak behavior on my part. I also need to find a solution and block these channels on Telegram... anyone got a clue? Help a brother out (yes I NEED the account due to various reasons sadly).

    One day at a time...
     
    David413, yrjyrj and HE^MAN like this.
  2. Well ... it sucks, you messed up but you didn't mess up completely

    I would also find myself relapsing right around of over 1 year being PMO free, it happens, you lose a track of your actions, you slip up and you got no other choice but to learn from your mistakes or fall into your old habits. You can guess which one is better

    You slipped up, its okay, it happens it might be difficult for few weeks but you'll be alright that is if you dont keep relapsing. One way how to avoid seeing nsfw stuff over there is to keep it strict to yourself, keep it loud and clear, you come for stuff you need for your work and you get the hell out of that page, that's all
     
    imsoappalled likes this.
  3. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

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    That’s an incredible life changing amount of time you were not acting out. If you just go back to being sober you can most likely maintain the brain changes. Are you part of a recovery group? Do you have support?
     
  4. yrjyrj

    yrjyrj Fapstronaut

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    bruh, you have no idea how similar our situation is.
    i dont use twitter tho.
    but i need telegram cuz all my study updates, notices and pdfs are sent there by the college i go to.
    yesterday, even i slipped AFTER 142 DAYS :(. i opened a pornstars channel.
    now although i didn't see any nudity, she was posing in a very 'slutty' way...... you geddit right?
    so it was very arousing. almost as arousing as nude pics.
    nvm.
    but i didnt see her pics for a very long time, i immediately realised what i was doing was wrong and closed and got help from my APs.

    i'd say having APs in such situations is VERY helpful
    meditate, take a cold shower, and talk about why you failed.
    it really helps.

    and no, you can not block telegram channels unfortunately, there is no filter as such.
    even if there was, porn is unfortunately so easily accessible and normalised, that it is everywhere..
    just be conscious, take responsibility for your actions, and do not slip.

    and you did a REALLY GREAT JOB on that 15mth streak bruh!
    keep going brother, goodluck!
     
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  5. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    Bro that is exactly the same situation you are right! Lmao. Good luck to you too bruh.
     
    yrjyrj likes this.
  6. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    Eversince breaking my streak have explored so much on there that there's nothing left to explore ffs...

    Gonna make a serious effort to retry. Past month I just gave in to it. The relapse has - surprisingly - not been as bad as pre-streak. But I can't live this lethargic.
     
    yrjyrj likes this.
  7. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    I don't. Just had a lot of focus and patience, becoming more practising in my faith helped a lot. I need to reconnect in that sense too. I feel like that also played a part in relapsing.

    I haven't told my friends I relapsed, as I was the one convincing them to quit fapping as well. However, I did it once, so I could do it again, right?!
     
    Arnuld likes this.
  8. The trick lies in fact that even though there's a never ending loop with porn - there's always a never ending ocean of content. But in its true essence, all there is to be seen is already seen.

    Deep down a lot of us are aware of it. All that porn comes to is you watching someone on screen doing something that should be intimate, in the end once we realize after relapsing again ... and again ... and again then we come to conclusion that all of porn has to offer to us is emptiness, shame the burning feel of regret and a lot more negative stuff. We just get fooled that maybe some things might be different this time

    But all there is to porn is that that its a repetitive never ending loop of misery packed into a shiny packaging. Either way, you have to stay persistent with 'exploring' it requires discipline. Today, my dad asked to do a heavy work with pick and shovel ...man i hated it i could have said i'll do it some other day but i still forced myself to do it. Sometimes, we gotta do the things we dont like, the reward is a lot better on the other side than we think

    Porn promises all good things with pleasure, only to find ourselves with emptiness. Discipline can mean pain, but in the long run it can be a true gift of bliss
     
    imsoappalled and Arnuld like this.
  9. . POWERFUL!!

    Thanks for this
     
  10. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

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    Great post. All true. Unfortunately most of us have had to learn this the hard way.
     
  11. imsoappalled

    imsoappalled Fapstronaut

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    This about nails it!

    One issue that also arose is that I was getting sexually frustrated - as in I wanted a release. That issue is being resolved soon enough though. So hopefully that can stay in the bin. Thanks for sharing that.
     

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