Second Thoughts

spiderboy · Sep 22, 2016

I left my ex-girlfriend about one year ago. It was an extremely difficult and sad decision for me. I broke up with her because I felt I could not give her the love she deserved, because I started to see her differently (just before becoming my girlfriend she slept with my best friend, although she claimed to have like me much more all the time and that she had no respect for him. I tried, but I just couldn't get that out of my mind). This was also the reason why I didn't want to sleep with her, although I found her extremely attractive and there was a very strong sexual tension between us. I just felt it wouldn't be right. I cried with her when I told her that I want to break up. She loved me. I liked her, but I couldn't love her. I felt very sorry for her, and even more sorry for hurting her.

I keep having second thoughts about whether I made the right decision. If I had remained with her I would have given up P much earlier and would have had real sex. I'm still a virgin, by the way (I'm 22). She wasn't. (I don't know if this is relevant here).

Maybe it's because I haven't found a girlfriend since then? Do you think I made the right decision?

John Nixon · Sep 23, 2016

If you had quit porn when you were still with her, it would have been easier for you to develop love feelings for this girl. Were you regularly watching porn when you were with this girl back then? Also regularly masturbating would also have affected your ability to be affectionate to not just this girl but to any girl. Don't be hard on yourself spiderboy. Life can be full of regrets but you can learn from them and you'll become a better version of yourself. You are only 22 so you are just starting out in life. There's plenty of opportunities and experiences left for you to enjoy. Good luck, eventually you will find someone you can love.

F50C137YZ · Sep 23, 2016

Yes, you did make the right decision. Depending on the situation, I wouldn't hang out with that "best friend" of your's anymore either. Especially if he knew that you liked her.

Sometimes, you have to make really tough decisions in your life. These are the ones that you'll doubt later on. At the end of it all, only you know what's best for you.

How can you trust someone that would have sex with your best friend and then say that she didn't even respect your best friend. Sounds very similar to when a spouse cheats and says, "It meant nothing, it was just sex, you're everything to me!"

That's the road that you were headed down imho. Don't worry, just because you are lonely doesn't mean that you won't find someone. You deserve someone that you can trust and will love you for real! Be patient, be vigilant in Nofap, have passion for life and all will fall into place.

JustinX · Sep 23, 2016

Yeah you made the only right decision. Kill the second thoughts!!

My advice to you as you said you are 22, virgin & couldnt find new girlfriend: read the book by Mark Mansons - Models: Attract woman through honesty (download here http://bookzz.org/book/2085205/918c27). It's book about how to grow as a man, be better man, how to by truthful with others and yourself. Some things are really eye opening and it will help you find high quality girlfriend (not a trash who sleeps with a best friend). I have to say it's the only book I read in last 5 years, I did it only 2 weeks ago and I can already see HUGE changes in my life, probably as big as I saw after nofap itself.

spiderboy · Sep 25, 2016

F50C137YZ said: ↑

Yes, you did make the right decision. Depending on the situation, I wouldn't hang out with that "best friend" of your's anymore either. Especially if he knew that you liked her.

Sometimes, you have to make really tough decisions in your life. These are the ones that you'll doubt later on. At the end of it all, only you know what's best for you.

How can you trust someone that would have sex with your best friend and then say that she didn't even respect your best friend. Sounds very similar to when a spouse cheats and says, "It meant nothing, it was just sex, you're everything to me!"

That's the road that you were headed down imho. Don't worry, just because you are lonely doesn't mean that you won't find someone. You deserve someone that you can trust and will love you for real! Be patient, be vigilant in NoFap, have passion for life and all will fall into place.
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Thank you for answering. I honestly believe that she had changed, and I trusted her. It's just that I wasn't able to accept what happened and forget it. That is why I keep asking myself if the problem was from me.

And regarding the boy. They had been together for a month, 2 years before, and also had sex (which I know from him). But i was able to accept that. But I could this second time, in this situation. I didn't tell him that I knew, but he didn't say anything either, but behaved the same way and spoke the same disrispectful things about girls, even about her. So yes, I stopped being his friend.

spiderboy · Sep 25, 2016

JustinX said: ↑

Yeah you made the only right decision. Kill the second thoughts!!

My advice to you as you said you are 22, virgin & couldnt find new girlfriend: read the book by Mark Mansons - Models: Attract woman through honesty (download here http://bookzz.org/book/2085205/918c27). It's book about how to grow as a man, be better man, how to by truthful with others and yourself. Some things are really eye opening and it will help you find high quality girlfriend (not a trash who sleeps with a best friend). I have to say it's the only book I read in last 5 years, I did it only 2 weeks ago and I can already see HUGE changes in my life, probably as big as I saw after NoFap itself.
Click to expand...

Thank you. I trust your opinion and I will read the book. I hope it will help me the same way.

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Second Thoughts

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