Seeking Self-Empowerment

I just discovered this group and movement online today. Not fapping is something I've experimented with before, and almost every time I've abstained in the past, I felt great. It seems like not fapping helps my mind become clear, and I react differently to other people, showing more vigor, emotion, empathy. This forum post and my dedication to not fapp for 20 days is going to serve as a tool of self-empowerment.

I've tried not fapping before, I've tried fapping but not ejaculating as well. Fapping but not ejaculating seems to give me the same energizing benefits as not fapping at all (or perhaps even more), however it is a difficult line to walk, at least thus far. So I will engage in not fapping.
Interestingly enough, fapping without ejaculating and porn DO NOT mix, at all. Ejaculation(usually 'the quickie') and porn seem to be so closely interlinked. Whenever I was trying to go a period of fapping without ejaculating, I couldn't look at porn or Id run a very high risk a of blowing up. Just my observation.

My relationship with fapping has been chaotic. (I like that word, fapping, it makes it sound like a trivial thing. And while addiction to it is not trivial, the act itself is redundant.) I'm not going to go through it all, but the frequency has been very, very, high at certain times in my life. Too high. I want to gain a sense of control over that aspect of my life, because I know that over-emphasizing sexual desire makes it become indiscriminate, compulsive and desperate. I'm over it, sick of feeling sick about it. The compulsion has been so bad that at times I've seriously considered complete celibacy, isolation, chemical or physical castration. I have taken mild/moderate estrogenizing herbs to numb my libido before. That kind of chemical alteration, while does provide relief, doesnt fit in with my need to be very physically fit for work as well as for feeling secure in my frame and supporting my bones and joints.

I am currently sexually active. I havent yet decided how that is going to fit into this, if I'm going to fit it in at all. It isn't the most healthy relationship. we are friends, with those benefits from time to time. I like to try to emphasize the friends part and that's also part of why I want to be fap-free, to invigorate those other social aspects of my life.