Serious growth

I have often wondered about how I could "fix" my life. I quit smoking. Started working out. I was living healthier. But inside I was falling apart. I felt a void and loneliness inside. I had a damaged childhood with awful memories. And I wondered if that was the reason I felt the way I did. My childhood was perverse and I accepted my habit as part of that. And then I stumbled across this site. After 45 years of existence, I have finally come to understand that "void." And how to embrace it, instead of dreading it. I'm becoming comfortable with myself. I'm getting to know that curious, carefree 5 year old version of me, again. Getting back there has been anything but easy. But worth it...yes. I may be going to "soft" mode soon. I actually had a date last night. The old me would have been a nervous wreck. But I felt so in control. I felt so much better about my self worth. I felt like her equal. Not beneath her (as would have been the case before). I wasn't concerned about whether she'd like me or not. The experience was kind of a gauge for my growth. Something has definitely changed for the better in me. I felt compelled to post here today. This was concrete evidence for me. And I just hope this can inspire anyone who has doubts about what is further down this path.

 

Thank you, guys. I know Nofap isn't just about dating. But it was a good gauge of my progress. Sometimes I feel really good about myself, only to find out that my ego has played me again. I think this was a real-life test and I passed. She texted me today to let me know that she had a good time. I'm thinking that is a good sign. So hopefully a second date is in order. Thanks again for being here.

 

I think life is alot like dating. It isn't about success or failure. It's about finding the courage to just show up, sometimes. I actually feel like I have something to offer another person, now. Couldnt have done it without my fans here. You have helped me to find something in me that I didnt know existed.