Seriously fucked my life up

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by BigCheese, Jan 19, 2017.

  1. BigCheese

    BigCheese Fapstronaut

    lemme start off by telling you guys about myself:
    I'm 19, athletic build (working out for 3 years, 5"11, drive a nice car, live in a medium income family, and really physically attractive

    Hearing that would probably have you thinking I have it good and that my life is great. Lol think again.

    My porn addiction is part of the reason why I fucked up my life at an early age. Before highschool I was a gamer, socially awkward and really introverted.

    With highschool I got involved with girls, dropped video games and started getting in flings and relationships.

    The thing is, I got sex crazed really quickly.

    Highschool ended and because of my addiction I stopped having normal girl friends and just had the girls I'd hook up with or be in relationships with around.

    I was always really arrogant, cocky and a lot of a narccisst in these years, I literally only thought about myself.

    I started university about a year ago and I guess I became more humble. But everyone from the past only remembered me from the guy I was in highschool.

    I had girls try to be friends with me but I screwed it up cause I only thought about hooking up with them.

    I'm at the point where I alone, and I can't ever seem to get the girls I want. And I already affected the impression that people have on me.

    I guess my PMO addiction and sex craze was the reason for this. I wasn't thinking about the feelings of other people and at an early age I'm already depressed about my fuck ups.

    Sorry if I sound like a jerk, just wanted to let some heat off my chest
    Deleted Account and D . J . like this.
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you. Thank you for sharing your story. It's not easy to admit our faults so you have made a great step simply doing that.
    vibemaker likes this.
  3. Son_of_Iroquois

    Son_of_Iroquois Fapstronaut

    Don't overly concern yourself with how people see you. Concern yourself with behaving how you feel is right and true to your core values in life. When you change, people's view of you will tend to change also. Do not be hemmed in or imprisoned by the perceptions of others.
  4. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

    Wow dude, its crazy how much i relate to you after reading this. Im also 19, i hit the gym 5-6x a week, shredded physique, physically attractive - was seen as the "ladies man" early in my highschool years, but for some reason it seemed that all that glory kind of faded away as I started getting addicted to pmo'ing. I would literally masturbate every single day, sometimes during lunchtimes on school days - since i would have 40 min to go home and come back to school. I think because I did that, I lost a sexual drive or motive to want to talk to girls around me. Before I was ever so addicted, i talked to a lot of girls and had a few girlfriends as well, and I definitely wasn't so awkward. But as I progressed through high school i just pretty much pushed away every girl and had too much pride thinking i would end up finding "the one". I was also really quiet and anti-social in my classrooms, and only associated with the friends that I knew really well. I pretty much gave off a demeanor that I was unapproachable and was too good for the girls and that's why I was lonely and had no relationships for the rest of my high school years because I made no effort to get social or even sexual experience.

    To make things worse, a lot of ppl find it extremely surprising from the way that I look and act, that I am virgin.. I honestly can't even believe it myself, but after discovering nofap and getting involved with the community, i've made a serious commitment to making a change for my life - and that is to cure my pmo addiction. So far im on day 10 which is the furthest i've ever went for the past 7 yrs i've been masturbating and I could already say that my drive is there again, my confidence is higher, my social awkwardness is less worse, and I don't wake up at 1pm feeling like shit every morning. Oh yeah and the reason i also started this is because I had the opportunity to lose my virginity to this hot ass girl over the summer but i couldn't even get a boner - i think it was a mixed feeling of performance anxiety, and porn induced erectile dysfunction. After that embarrassing ass moment, i just knew my addiction to porn and masturbating to women played a role, and that I had to stop. It's funny how you can get so turned on by the fantasies of women through a computer screen but when you actually experience the real thing, your dick shrivels up like a fucking tic tac - isn't PIED the best? But i'll have you know that I am gonna keep this dry streak going until my dick touches some god damn pussy, cause I am not going to live these last 10 months as a teen virgin - oh hell na.
    D . J . likes this.
  5. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    What happens if you do remain a virgin longer than expected?
  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
  7. Pogi Points

    Pogi Points Fapstronaut

    Crazy how much I relate with that but that happened to me during my mid-20s. I'm now 30 and dealing with the consequences of my addiction but yours sounds more severe. But it's good you realized this at a young age. 19 is very young and the best news is you're not even at the prime of your life. You've merely just begun.
    D . J . likes this.
  8. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

    Well, i'd have to accept that fact. But i was more so saying that so that I can make a motivating statement/goal to myself that I want to make it happen. And i can already feel that i am building the confidence and to go out there and take action. Now at day 11 and feeling mentally stronger than ever - it may seem like a low number but man, have these days been going by slow. Every urge or thought of masturbating in my mind has slowly been killing me but i always snap my mind out of it because I always think of the consequences of wasting progress for a feeling that only lasts for seconds, it isn't worth it at all
    D . J . likes this.
  9. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Okay. I was just checking. Too many times I've seen too many guys making having sex to lose their virginity a main goal and, in my opinion, that's not a healthy goal. I have yet to see one person who rushed to lose their virginity it as a big deal once it is done. There are more who wish they had saved it for someone special. In any case, I ask because I would hate for you to place much emphasis on losing your virginity that it become a setback to your sobriety if it is not reached when expected.
  10. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

    Oh yeah I definitely know where you're coming from. I'm not going to let that literally be my goal of life but it is just something that I hope can happen as I am just longing to find that significant other that I can make love with. I should've phrased it like this rather than saying I wanted to have sex, to get it out of the way haha. However, it still is a bother in my mind because all of my friends always talk about sex and I'm just sitting there falsely cheering them on and appreciating what I hear, when really, I just feel isolated. Kinda sucks.
    D . J . likes this.
  11. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    You know it's okay that you are still a virgin. Sure they talk about all the fun they are having but they won't mention the possible pregnancies or STI's and they probably aren't mentioning any ED issues or PE issues either. Your praying hands suggest you have a faith, am I correct?
    newstart002 likes this.
  12. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

    Oh yes, my avatar symbolizes i have faith and I am seeking satisfaction in life. I try to let the fact being a virgin doesn't bother me because honestly it doesn't.
    • I'm not depressed
    • I have been really productive outside of a sexual life - just started a job as a sales associate at T Mobile and I have been communicating with a lot of people per day
    • I go to the gym damn near everyday of the week.
    Now that i think of it, why am i so worried? I guess i am headed in the right direction. Maybe the impatience is getting to me is all... And yeah i'm sure my friends have a lot of embarrassing things that they don't mention, so that makes me feel a bit better
  13. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Always, always, always be careful of the comparison trap because we tend to compare our lives on the small piece of information we are given. It happens the most through Facebook and Instagram where we see a post of friends or others posting great pics but they never post the debt after the trip or all of the overtime work needed to pay the bills for the trip and info. like that.
    newstart002 and SeekingLife like this.
  14. newstart002

    newstart002 Fapstronaut

    Sometimes it's best to let the past go. I can definitely relate to "glory days" but often, in retrospect, they weren't that great.
    As we mature our priorities usually shift and we gain greater pleasure from more refined matters.
    D . J . likes this.
  15. snickerdoodle7

    snickerdoodle7 Fapstronaut


    So true. Jealousy is a real killer. Something I am working on everyday.
    D . J . likes this.

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