Sex and buying stuff don't fill the hole

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Lostbutfound, Nov 22, 2018.

  1. Lostbutfound

    Lostbutfound Fapstronaut

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    My name is Lostbutfound and I have a problem fueled by loneliness.

    Sex: Even though I am 78 days off of "Hands on" with my junk, I still find myself looking at pornography daily, even going so far as to touch myself at time. I have no idea how in the world I've resisted temptation up to this point to get "Hands on" again, but yet I have not, the urge to do so isn't even there anymore.

    Buying stuff:I buy stuff on a constant basis every time I get a new paycheck, both on the inexpensive side and the expensive, two items, maybe even three, no more, no less and it is starting to be a bit of a hassle.

    My reasons why I believe have to do with an addicting personality that is only fueled by loneliness, I spend most of my time at work or in my room, only going out to work out at the park and then come back. I have also put a hold on buying stuff after my last recent purchase which was literally 10hours ago, until christmas rolls in. While I have resolved all of this, if anyone has any tips for dealing with such things please feel free to comment down below.
     
  2. Sorry bro, i recognize a lot of your story. I also have been a one man project for a long time as well. However im planning on checking out the dating scene soon again. Also wanna engage more in social activities again in the near future, some kind of sports club.
    But i believe the most important relationsship one can have, is the one you have with yourself. For years i was really making a mess of my life and indulging in seld destructive habits.
    Really gotta take top notch self care. Filling your own cup first.

    There are a lot of things still im hoping and aiming for improvement upon, but things already are way better than a few years back.
    I learned and like the idea of not externalising your power & self worth (too much). The power is within, that has to be unlocked, starting by validating myself.

    Still its balance but these mindsets have helped me greatly to move into the right direction in my life.

    All the best, keep learning, keep growing, keep loving yourself
     
  3. BeautyForAshes

    BeautyForAshes Fapstronaut

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    It might be new to you, but it's been like this for years.
     
  4. Lostbutfound

    Lostbutfound Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry, could you clarify that for me, I don't understand.
     
  5. BeautyForAshes

    BeautyForAshes Fapstronaut

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    I wasn't myself last night, if you know what I mean. I don't even understand what I meant.
     
  6. Z.e.n.o

    Z.e.n.o Fapstronaut

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    Do you mean that they don't satisfy yourself any more?
     
  7. Jackbtw

    Jackbtw Fapstronaut

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    My Kik/LINE are in my sig. Feel free to text anytime bro.
     
  8. cosmos_man

    cosmos_man Fapstronaut

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    Hey Lostbutfound, sorry to hear about the tough time you have been having lately. What worked for me on the porn was just making a clean break, like deciding I'm never looking at that shit again. By looking at it and not jerking off, you're still being owned by it (maybe not as bad as jerking) but even just watching it is bad for your brain. It took me a few trys to get to this point myself, probably about 5 times where I said never again, I deleted it all, put on web blockers but then got desperate. After every time I felt more shame and guilt over the whole thing until that feeling was so bad it outweighed the small good feelings.

    Like others have mentioned it sounds like you have many opportunities you could pursue with the time you're currently spending on buying stuff and looking at porn. On the buying side, perhaps you could get addicted to personal finance understanding the ins and outs of maintaining a budget. Consider taking a personal finance class on the side getting out and around other people.
     
    Ra's Al Ghul likes this.
  9. tiredofdoingthis

    tiredofdoingthis Fapstronaut

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    I get it. I think we look for things to fill that hole in our lives. I quit buying items because I came to realize it wasn't satisfying me. Porn can be a bigger problem because it gives me some time away from my thoughts, depression, what-have-you. If I'm honest, Nofap.com is what I'm using at the moment to fill the hole. I shift from one thing to another to try to fill up life to distract me from the things that make me anxious, uncomfortable, nervous, misunderstood, etc. Whether it is food, porn, shopping, nofap.com, whatever, we're all trying to fill that hole. I'm not sure what is at the root of the hole. I have a satisfying marriage. I have a good career. I have great kids. Yet, the hole remains. I think it goes back to childhood hurts for me. I think we are also looking for the dopamine rush that we are used to by PMO. I keep getting on this site. It's just me looking for something else to do. I don't know if any of this makes sense.
     
  10. cosmos_man

    cosmos_man Fapstronaut

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    A lot of truth there, we think if we just have this or that, then my life will be good but we're always chasing these things that have a moment of pleasure followed by deeper consequences. Some good insight for us all to think about an reflect on. My next goal is to try to meditate on a regular basis, as I heard it helps a lot with "just being in the moment".

    Keep on man.
     
    tiredofdoingthis likes this.
  11. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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    Youre right, stuff and sex won't satisfy you. Just read the book of Ecclesiastes. King Solomon had it all, including many wives and concubines to have sex with and he still wasnt satisfied.
     
    tiredofdoingthis likes this.

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