She is not my the moment?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Freedom is a state of mind, May 11, 2018.

  1. Hey guys, long time no see..

    Still fighting my demons, getting better every day. I got some problems in my relationship and I would like to discuss the topic with you.

    Lovely girl. Me. Last summer one night stands. Getting into the relationship. Works perfectly for almost a year now. She cute, she loves me, she would do anything for me. Sex is good, her sex drive is high.

    But..I feel she is not my type anymore (talking about only appearance). She is the curvy type girl, and lately tbh she put on a few pounds through the relationship. She knows that, she hates it, still eating unhealthy asf..

    I love her, truly. When we got together, my mentality was 100% that appearance doesnt really matter (although I really found her pretty sexy at the time, she is not a 10 but solid 9 for me and 7 on an avarage scale)
    Lately she doesnt turn me on that much and I am getting into skinny girls more and more. I do not want to throw this whole thing away because of this appearance thing. Her personality is really unique in this world and I know that clearly. But I do not know what to do..
    She started to recognise that I am getting cold lately, but I am afraid to tell her all this, because I know her too much, she would just cry like a 6 year old that I find other women more attractive by the look.

    I know that because of nofap my libido can go low, but I dont think thats the case.

    Any experience on the topic?
  2. CowardlyLion

    CowardlyLion Fapstronaut

    Leave her and let her find someone better than you. You don’t deserve her.
    Be a fucking man and take some responsibility for your life and the lives of people you infect.
    Mkngitwrk likes this.
  3. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

    Are you sure that you wouldn't miss the touch of more voluminous breasts soon if you dated a skinnier girl?

    Yes, back in my addiction times I was dating my ex who was very skinny, and deep inside I would feel sorry that, if I stay together with her, I will never touch super yummy shaky cuddly women's melons again. Hers I could only caress, not grab, and - ohh! This wasn't the particular reason I broke up with her (might have contributed since the actual reason was just as dumb, though), but that self-pity alone was silly enough.

    I suppose, although you are doing great in quitting porn, you are still searching for novelty. It is not really that the type you like has changed. What really happened is that you just got bored and are now looking for new stimulation. When you date a skinny girl, after a year you will desire a curvy one again.
    Ghost79 and Gotham Outlaw like this.
  4. Hey! Thanks for the reply, it was helpful in a way!
    It opened my eye on things I couldnt see till now, so really thank you!
    Although I think not everything in life is black and white. I sacrificed my friends, my hobbies and free time, school... had depression, taught and learnt lots of things for this relationship.
    She had various mental problems because of her last bf, I picked her up and put her into a fcking white horse so I wouldnt say I really do not deserve her.
    But I totally feel your comment because I didnt gave you these infos. To sum it up we had been trough a lot, thats why I sad I do not want to end this because my minds is fucked for some reason. I want to see how can I change myself.

    But really, I do appreciate your comment!
    CowardlyLion likes this.
  5. That should sum things up. Back in the days my brain needed like 5 different type of girls opened in different webpages to have everything in my mind, so I do not "lose" my "heavenly" O...
    I knew (or at least hoped really) that this is caused (at least partly) because of my nofap programme.

    Thank you really, much appreciated!
    Headspace likes this.
  6. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

    ...and of your previous fap programme :confused:

    The question is now how you can actually change yourself so you can change your perception of your loyal and loving girlfriend. The question is, can you do it mentally in the situation you are in now, or do you have to learn it the hard way, i.e. by breaking up with her, hurting both you and her? Have you talked to her about your addiction? May be that would be a good starting point to make clear to her what is going on inside of you without hurting her. For this to succeed, you need to have the honest perspective that it is all in your mind. Focus yourself on longevity and what actually counts in life. Can you achieve this? Have the answers you received really been enough for this?

  7. Well.. Time will give the answer to these questions I guess.
    I hope that I know enough of relationships, so both me and her can survive this crisis without breaking up.

    She knew about my addiction before we got together because at the time I had ED caused by constantly telling myself that if I am going to have sex I am gonna have premature ejaculation because of the nofap programme... So it was basically a vicious circle, because in the end I couldnt even had sex.. (lol)

    After CowardlyLion's comment I thought immediately about talking more deeply about how does she feel herself in the relationship beside she is really in love with me... but tbh I am afraid she is not emotionally intelligent enough to see trough the pink fog, and I do not want to scare her with it now, because she can really go insane in her mind..(she is a black belt overthinker.. :D )

    Thanks for your helping questions, it really helps a lot!
    CowardlyLion and Headspace like this.

  8. If you love her truly as stated, you will inspire and help her to get on shape... Seriously, by the way you talk so good about her, it seems worth to keep this rare diamond...she seems amazing ;) Just say that you really love her and don't like repeating it, and you didn't know how to express that, then after that start working on her diet...

    I used(and still) to eat most vegetarian food(cooked by me) and very healthy, my ex was curvy before we started to live together, and two years later or less she was so damn fit.

    5 years later she is still so fit, she still have the same good habits created by our relationship <3
    FX-05 likes this.
  9. CowardlyLion

    CowardlyLion Fapstronaut

    Well thanks for taking it positively. I just hate to see two people suffer when they could be happier elsewhere. I understand there is a lot of other things going on. Just think about it from her perspective and how you would feel in her shoes. Try to talk, honestly.
    Good luck. Whatever happens, I’m sure it will be the right choice.

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