Signs of porn addiction or reboot in progress

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by djdcgc4, Sep 25, 2019.

  1. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

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    I would love to hear from both sides positive signs of reboot in progress vs porn addiction and the manipulation that stands between the two.

    I want to trust we are headed in the right direction but I know that addiction of any kind can contribute to manipulation. How do we know? What do we look for? Here is my list of PA vs Reboot signs.

    Porn addiction
    Avoidance
    Gaslighting
    Mood changes
    Zero libido
    PIED
    Turning down invites
    Lack of emotion
    Oogling
    Blame
    Denial
    Refusal to communicate

    Reboot:
    Admitting porn is an issue
    Giving up smart phone
    Porn blockers
    Mood stability
    Shakiness
    PIED improves
    Oogling worsens?
    More energy
    Laughter

    Manipulation in between:
    I watch porn but I’m not an addict
    Scheduled sex and never attempting outside of that
    Comments “ it’s my age to, I’m slowing down”
    No interest in giving pleasure
    Not communicating thoughts or feelings
    Lack of empathy during heart felt conversations
    Continuing conversations about a healthy future when you have set boundaries
    Still no sexual desire

    Thoughts?
     
  2. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

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    Age is a flimsy reason at your age. We are in our 40s and once the hubs gave up PM for good, his libido skyrocketed. For the first time in 20 years we are seeing his real drive and it is very high. I have always been the higher drive one but it has quickly become clear that his addiction masked his true drive for over 25 years.

    Empathy is one of the last things for many addicts to learn, even during recovery. Is it a sign of continued P use? Maybe, maybe not. My husband is better at empathy than he used to be but he has a long way to go. There are times I dont believe he'll ever reach the place of empathy that I need or desire so I have decided to change my expectations. Easier said than done but I'm working on it.

    As for the rest, if he is insisting that he is, indeed, clean, has he had his hormone levels checked? Low testosterone and low vit D are very common in men his age and can be a contributing factor to low desire. If those are low and he gets those taken care of, when the desire returns, often times the rest begins to follow assuming he is in recovery.
     
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  3. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    Good post. Good luck.
     
    djdcgc4 likes this.
  4. djdcgc4

    djdcgc4 Fapstronaut

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    He says he is in recovery but won’t discuss how long. He started with a step down in May.
     
  5. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    To me, an unwillingness to talk about it is a sure sign of continuing addiction or on the edge. We discuss daily sobriety and/or struggles. My husband says it’s a love /hate talks lol. When he is in active recover he really needs to talk to me about it. When he is relapsing or struggling he avoids talking about it
     
  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    And my husband is 52, we still aren’t 100% sure of what his drive is but on average every other day. Sex is amazing when he isn’t using porn/masturbatiom to cope. When using he has no desire for sex with me at all, maybe once every two weeks.
     
  7. Chefb87

    Chefb87 Fapstronaut

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    Not communicating thoughts and feelings. Is apart of the addiction. It's the reason the majority of us go to any addiction. To not feel what we're really feeling. Abstaining from problematic sexual behavior is just the first step in recovery. You have to abstain from it , then start learning why you did it in the first place, and to learn the tools so you don't need it again in the future !
     
    djdcgc4 likes this.

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