I stumbled upon this through Ted talks on YouTube. When I heard speakers summarizing symptoms I thought of my own current situation. I feel that I need a change I no longer feel like myself I was once a man that I think other men would want to be like. I was in the military and always stood out amongst my peers. I was a leader of men and served two tours in combat. I took calculated risks and had an aura of confidence around me. I got out of the military and went to college. I spoke up in classes I shared my opinions and was confident and enjoyed speaking in front of people. Around my junior and senior year things seemed to have changed. I began to become socially awkward and my relationships began failing. Most of the time I felt like I was "faking" through life. I knew how to be the person I was, but I no longer had the same drive to be that person. My girlfriend told me I had changed that I wasn't the man she had met four years prior, and we broke up. I managed to graduate college in the top of my class with honors. Within a week I was offered a great job with "competitive" pay. I have managed to stand out, receive praise, and above average reviews. On the outside life looks great, but inside I'm a disaster. I leave work everyday feeling like I've just gotten through the most socially awkward experience of my life. I can't express myself the way I once could. I feel as if I'm stuck in a fog and I can't remember what happened all day. I have a paralyzing fear of rejection, and find it nearly impossible to approach women in social settings. I was never great at meeting women. However, I used to attract women by just being myself. I would catch a women looking at me or smiling at me so I would go over and introduce myself, and this would usually lead to at least a date. I no longer even have the same drive to meet women. I feel like I was treating my computer like my companion. I would go out with friends and look forward to getting home. More than anything I want my old life back. I miss going on at least a few dates a month. I miss the desire I once had for women. I miss being in the moment, and not feeling judged all the time. Does anyone else share these symptoms or feelings? I hope I "self diagnosed" myself correctly. Has anyone else had a similar situation and seen positive results by laying off the PMO? Any advice or solidarity is appreciated. Best of luck to all. If I came off as arrogant it wasn't my intention. I mostly wanted to write this to own my problems and summarize my degradation. I believe this makes it real to me and I can begin to repair my situation.
Hey dukesgt, Nice to meet you here on the forum. I have to agree I am currently in a similar position as you. I used to go out a few times a months, have fun, got drunk, and I heard girls (and even boys) say I am physically attractive. I used to be able to have a little chat with strangers, and even get their fb/number or a follow up date. However, my life drastically changed when I became more serious when I was at college. I became socially awkward; I was, like you, top of the class, but this coincided with lots of hard work. Sometimes I got so much stress that I needed to 'relax' at home (=PMO). This has become an addiction. I didnt reserve time to socialize anymore and felt that doing PMOs would satisfy my desire. I am now in my mid 20s and my life has changed drastically. I no longer have the confidence to randomly start a conversation with girls, or even look straight into their eyes. Most of the time I am just too inner focused. I too feel that there is a degradation in my life. I want to win my confidence bck and start becoming the person I used to be. I want to have the confidence to meet new people, and even learn how to flirt with them. This is actually my first day here, and I am happy to learn that I am also not the only one in this situation.
