So confused and bewildered

hi, I hope I am posting in the right place, please direct me otherwise if not

I'm a 40 year old woman, with a 17 year old daughter whom I coparent, and a great boyfriend who will be turning 44 soon. I just discovered, after thinking for the last year that I wanted to marry the man, that his ED is most likely PIED, from what I've been reading.

And now, reading here, so many clues are falling into place. He worked as an editor for the p*rn industry about 10 years ago, and so he was always open with me about that, so I've always thought from day one that his ED was just caused by me not being experienced enough, or not doing the things he says turn him on. Or even when I agree to do them, he still has the ED unless he M himself. So that is pretty much our sex life now... he Ms while laying next to me, or looking at me down there, while I stare at the wall. He's told me many times that doing it "the traditional way" just doesn't turn him on at all, and that I am just not being "dominating" enough, no matter what I do. I tried even watching the P that he watches with him, and it chilled me to the bone honestly, because there was absolutely no sound between the two people on the screen, just the female forcing or directing the male to do things to her, silently. No connection that I could see. And this was his suggestion of how I behave with him. And I haven't been able to, because though I have a theater degree in acting, I can't or don't want to sustain this game, and never just have regular, connected, cuddles.

Sorry, this probably doesn't belong in an intro, so again please direct me...

Just so bewildered and confused and still wish it could work out because I love everything else about him, and we were thinking of getting married and me having another baby. So obviously, no. Not if this is really what we are dealing with.

Thanks for listening.

 

i meant to also say, my boyfriend is not the father of my daughter, tho they have a friendly relationship, and we've been together for almost two years.

 

Thanks for responding. I haven't brought up the issue with him yet, so I don't know if he'll agree that he has a problem even, let alone if he wants to stop. I literally just found out about this stuff because a friend of mine was listening to me vent, and said it sounded more serious to her, like PA. So, he's coming over today, and I hope to somehow bring this up with him, and probably show him some of the articles. My hope is that he will be interested enough in there maybe being a solution to the ED, that he will hear me out. I actually haven't decided if I will stay with him or not, certainly not if he doesn't admit he has a problem and wants to get better.