something i wouldn't tell to anybody.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Jungler, Mar 7, 2016.

  1. Jungler

    Jungler Fapstronaut

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    I don't know how i am going to approach this to you guys, I feel ashamed for talking about this and never really spoken about it with anybody, and because i'm willing to talk, it's because we don't know each other personally so i'm asking for 'external' help from you.

    It has been way too long since I have had a friend, and everything and everybody has turned their shoulders against me. Not only I don't have much friends, but I have become mental over it, creating imaginary friends in my head.. it's very hard for me to reveal this to anybody. I don't know how this has developed as it has been like this for many years and no one knows about this. I might be going mental, and a psychiatrist might be a solution for me. Nofap is already a huge struggle for everybody willing to recuperate their sexual activity, but this is far worse, maybe even hampering my way through abstaining from PMO, prolonging my journey.
    This is almost leading me to relapse.

    I don't feel clean and everything is going in the opposite direction, and I have been doing anything to counteract with very little success.

    It might sound scary but, I spend alot of time in my room doing nothing productive, and mostly rewarding myself with high dopamine going through the internet, games, film streaming. Not good for you when on nofap right?

    There you have it, me in a nutshell.
    I hope I could get some insight on this or whoever feels similar to my case.

    Thanks in advance.
     
  2. Darkstar 22.84

    Darkstar 22.84 Fapstronaut

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    The key to life is connection, friend. You are not alone.
    Not on this site, not on the street, not in your building.
    You have neighbors, family and here you have people who go through the same thing as you do.

    With this said, how can you consider yourself alone?
    You like living in isolation? Sure you don't. That's why you reach out.
    Well, I am here.

    And after me, there will come others.
    Then you'll know you're not on your own. You never were.

    Go outside, talk to someone. About anything, about the weather.
    Reduce the circle in which you shrink away.
    Reduce it until there's nothing left of it.
    Isolation is key to addiction.
    Connection is cure to addiction.
    Be brave. Dare.

    Connect.

    I believe in you. I believe you can. And I don't even know you.
    So can you. It's that easy.
     
  3. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    I'm curious how old you are?
     
  4. SONofVEnus

    SONofVEnus Fapstronaut

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    I support you, man. We are here with you.
     
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  5. Jungler

    Jungler Fapstronaut

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    Thanks you for the little but HUGE support guys. it's always quite a relief to know there is always someone that helps.

    22. Still young with a lot to go.
     
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  6. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    What's up with the DOGE-TACO? LOL.

    I'm 42 now and I consider that I still struggle a little bit during social events. I see a lot of people and have good relationships at work. But having real friends? Not really.
    I'm still socially awkward I guess. when I was a teenager I had friends, but I was the nerd...no girls would look at me. I only had relationships with 2 women in my life. My ex-wife and my wife of the last 18 years.

    What's YOUR assessment on the reasons why it's hard for you?
     
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  7. Jungler

    Jungler Fapstronaut

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    I've never really revealed myself to anybody in order to achieve friendship. And basically that's what I lack most.

    I have little anxiety when talking and thank good that's out of the way.
    Also, I have a job where social interaction is needed, but not the best way to gain friends, i'm a waiter/barman.
     
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  8. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    Interesting! As a waiter/barman, you have the social skills!
    Having friends is different. Trust is needed!
    I had 2 or 3 good friends when I was a young adult, but basically when the girlfriends came into the equation, everybody concentrated on their significant other.
    It is said that a REAL REAL friend are few and far between.

    Are you afraid to open yourself to a potential friend cause you don't want to feel vulnerable? Do you maybe think you're not worth the friendship? Do you think that you have nothing to bring to the plate?
     
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  9. SONofVEnus

    SONofVEnus Fapstronaut

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    Can i write my own opinion? Just my way of thinking. Not that i completely live that way....

    Why would having imaginary friends would be wrong?
    I think it could be helpful. Creative. It can touch parts of us, which are usually hidden, parts which suffer because we don't know them. Have you seen movie Castaway? It almost saved his life....
    I think it could be sweet, interesting....... in many fairy tails and as children we have imaginary friends....
    Why would that be wrong?

    Only because society judges it wrong? Do we live in a healthy society? So is society right?

    I think the most important question in this case for all of us, is to question whether we would really love to have a friend and what kind of a friend or is it just that we want to fit into the picture which society judges to be right one??? It is really hard to know the difference.... and i think it is important to know what kind of people do we need, what kind of values...
     
  10. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

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    That's good you're young! What about speaking to a therapist? That might help.
    As far as friends I'm 45 and I really Dont have any friends I hang out with.
    My boyfriend and I are always together and I consider him my best friend.
    You can change but it takes effort.
    The internet and gaming can take years and years of your life. I know I probably wasted a good 8 years playing MMOs.
    Once you stop playing you look back and think, fuck I want that time back.
    So unplug and get yourself out in the world and meet some people.
     
  11. Thechosenone

    Thechosenone Fapstronaut

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    Repeat the alphabet in your mind to change the focus of your brain. Feel each letter as you say it. Say "joy" "happiness" and all the other emotions etc. Focus feel and repeat. This will rid u of the excess thoughts and make your brain whole again.
     
  12. Red Eagle

    Red Eagle Fapstronaut

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    So many people lack friends. It's probably more common than lacking a boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm 22 too and have one really good friend. Nothing more. I was just lucky in this department. Our friendship will probably last forever :). One or two friends is really all you need. The rest of the people you meet are just acquaintences. You can't focus on too many people anyway. Focus your life on 2 or 3 people not more. Help each other improve your lifes and always have an open ear. Some people out there know so many people who they call "friends" but they lack real connections because they focus their attention on too many people. They probably see each other every now and then and that's it. That's not friendship.
     
  13. Jungler

    Jungler Fapstronaut

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    Generally speaking. Society brings up most of the time 'the dark side' of topics making us feel ashamed and wrong and never giving that helpful hand emitting light on us.

    I do feel vulnerable with no friends, almost a target, someone who you wouldn't want to hang out with, thus making me feel unworthy of a friendship and consequently, with no one to talk to, I don't have much to bring on the plate.

    However, i'm not someone who gives up that easily. This is just another case of 'get off your chair and go out', but I am thankful for the detailed and prolonged opinions. :)
     
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  14. SONofVEnus

    SONofVEnus Fapstronaut

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    Well written. I totally understand your feelings. I have lived those feelings for almost all my life.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2016
  15. You could try going to a "meetup" that's advertised on the internet. I went to one recently. It was a public bar that had a games room, with air hockey and stuff like that. It's pretty easy to get talking to people at such an event.
     
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  16. incredulo

    incredulo Fapstronaut

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  17. DYS1994

    DYS1994 Fapstronaut

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    Hey @Jungler, I'm here too if you want to talk. You're not alone my friend. :)
     
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  18. Alma1995

    Alma1995 Fapstronaut

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    You're not alone. I had a shut-in brief period during my young teen years and I have to say that most of the time we just don't trust ourselves. We make ourselves believe that there is no reason someone would talk to us but there is. And the reason is you are interesting, everyone is interesting in some kind of way. You just have to go outside more and start making stronger bonds with the people that already surround you.
     
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  19. Amor

    Amor Fapstronaut

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    I used to roleplay with a girl all the time when I was younger, we had quiet the imagination (we were dinosaurs always getting into mischief)...I guess you beaten me though. It took two of us to come up with an imaginary story but you've got it all wrapped up yourself :)

    Anyway I really just wanted to recommend google "meetup", it's a site on the net. You may be able to find local meetups in your area. They cover a lot of activities from meditation groups, walking groups, sports, dance socials, single mens groups, singles groups, board games, movies, business, startup, politics just a lot of activities where the consensus is that individuals often arrive on there own to hang out and meet people.

    As a bar man, I imagine if you regularly went to a particular group it would only take a few events before you found satisfaction from regular attendance...you may even make a few friends ;)
     
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  20. Jungler

    Jungler Fapstronaut

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    Woah, it's been awhile i haven't replied back on here, and first things first, thanks to everybody that has given their insight.

    The thing is, i don't want to rely on the internet to meet new people anymore. I've been there and things didn't turn out well for me, i had a relationship with an online girl that lasted 2 years without even seeing each over face to face. It felt weird i tell you, it messed up my reboot and it made me feel lonely as i am today.

    The best course of action for me is to get off my chair, and without doubt, get to know people physically. It needs to be casual, just like a few days ago i ran into an old friend of mine from school and she didn't recognize me because i lost so much weight. She had a beautiful smile that made me connect and she felt surprised to get in touch with me after so many years... To be honest, she was my first crush ever since i was 15, and it never went away. Heh!

    But anyway, you know now how i want to approach people personally and how many opportunities like this could have helped me get out of the house and have a drink or two or a fancy meal. Sounds like a plan right? And plans are made between friends or acquaintances you've known in real life.
     
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