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Started Nofap while in a sexual relationship

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Goosehendrix, May 5, 2017.

  1. Goosehendrix

    Goosehendrix Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys, I'm brand new here. Literally like a minute ago. I started my Nofap journey on 19th April. My birthday was on the 10th, I turned 30 and figured I'd do a month as a sort of milestone. Never knowing what nofap was. Also quit smoking at around the same time. Anyway I have been masturbating to porn for longer than I can even remember. Maybe since 13... i used the death grip and I masturbated frequently like up to 3/4 a day sometimes. The most out there content I ever watched was transwoman porn but not frequently it wasn't a "thing". Anyway while on this journey I have had sex once with my girlfriend and it was amazing, I felt like my natural sensation was returning because I had kinda been desensitized after all those years of faping and I also used to last forever and not ejaculate. No problem with erections whatsoever though before... fast forward to a couple of days ago, unfortunately I relapsed. Fapd to porn for 2 days. 1 night time session and 1 in the morning. But stopped after that. The same night my penis couldn't get hard and this is like day 4 of my flatline. I get morning wood but like 75% what I used to be. The problem is my girlfriend has no idea what I'm going thru and she wants to link up tonight and probably have sex. I haven't told her because I haven't had the chance, we haven't been face to face since this all began. Tonight is our 3 month anniversary and I hate that everything has all coincided on this special day. But I just have to tell her. The crappy thing is that I love her a lot and she's been wanting me for a whilebit and for tonight to be super special. I've been suffering alone, this whole journey I've been having extreme withdrawal from porn which messed with my pre existing depression and also brought on terrible anxiety which I've never had. Today is the best I've felt all week.

    Anyway long story short what should I tell her, how do I tell her even? And then how long will my flatline last and once it's gone can I continue having sex till ejaculation or should I take a couple of months off sex completely. I am totally unsure about any of these details. Please any help anyone can give me will be deeply appreciated. I'm kinda at the end of my rope. My goal is to kick my porn addiction and also develop a deeper mind body connection with my girlfriend after years of staring at pixels. Thanks.
     
  2. Raptor Jesus

    Raptor Jesus Fapstronaut

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    Hey dude.

    Don't freak out about your flatline. It's your brain trying to mess with you, making you think that something's wrong with your D and you need P again. Don't break, ok ? I've done some research about the average time a flatline lasts (as I was experiencing one myself), it seems like it lasts around 20-25 days for most guys. Don't panic. Breath in. Do something else. Engage in an activity you like. Listen to music. It will pass.

    As for you GF, I can't really tell, as I don't know much about her. But let me tell you a story : When I first met my girlfriend, stuff was pretty crazy. There was a lot of attraction, and we had sex all the time. Then, stuff started to go slow between her and me. She's not a very sexual person, so stuff went "back to normal" for her. Not me. I was still hooked on Porn without realizing it, and was always pretending it was just "who I am" ; "I'm just more sexual than you" ; "I need it otherwise I loose my mind". That kind of crap.
    I told her I watched porn. I never told her how much or what porn I watched though. I just recently told her about my P addiction. The only thing that made me feel better was just to tell her about it in the most sincere way. Told her that it was probably the reason I was acting weird.

    Tell her how it makes you feel. Why you decided to do the NoFap.
    Personnally I found that it was easier/less intimidating to tell her in bed, while cuddling or that sort of things. It makes things more intimate.


    Hope it helps.
     
  3. Goosehendrix

    Goosehendrix Fapstronaut

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    Hey,

    Thanks so much for that advice. It definitely helps. I did tell her about my addiction and the fact that I'm doing nofap and everything that entails and she was fine with all of it and she said she's going to support me. So there's hope after all. Thanks for your help...
     
  4. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Keep being honest! You should feel proud of yourself for being honest from the start! ☺️
    I'm a SO and my guys story is similar to yours. The only difference is, fast forward, we have kids, a house and he never told me up front and it almost ended our relationship. Only now is he realizing he needs to change and self improve before it ruins everything like it almost did to us. It's such a positive thing that you recognized that you are who you are and found your own resources and were able to bring that to the table. You probably made her feel more comfortable with everything that way, no secrets or lies and you already have it addressed.
    It's going to be difficult, but I think it's great she was supportive and it wasn't a deal breaker off the bat.
    I wish you both the best.
     
  5. Goosehendrix

    Goosehendrix Fapstronaut

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    Hi, thanks so much for your awesome reply. Yeah things have been going great so far she has been super supportive even during the no libido times and when it all gets a little depressing for me. I love her very much and she loves me too so I thing we'll be ok but your right it will be difficult but I've been super honest with her ever since we started dating. My only thing now is my libido dips in and out and she's very sexual. I can't help but feel I'm disappointing her when she's excited to have sex but I'm not at exactly 100%. Just don't want her to think it's her in any way.
     

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