Straight But can’t stop masturbating with guys on cam.

have you read 'unwanted' by jay stringer? I found it very helpful, not a cure all but a good start...
The cycle of shame is one thing that keeps many in the cycle of pmo.

There is a difference between true sexual tastes and 'acting out' anxiety based sex..

One important concept I have learned is that our 'fantasies' and what 'turns us on' are often symbolic of other things. - fantasies are trying to tell you something but like dreams, they are symbols of things - and the path to healing is addressing those issues. It's not easy but it's possible.

Read up on what successful quitters have done here, - it's not just 'will power' it's a comprehensive approach of engaging in positive activities, diet, and lifestyle that help boost self esteem, deal with anxiety and depression - all of which are common with those addicted to PMO .

 

See, you don't tell your wife and there's a reason. You don't want her to know, the two worlds to mix. But what if she finds out? The reason for my nervous breakdown was that my friends found out about it. While they accepted me, I still wish they hadn't found out about it. How would you react if your wife caught you chatting with one of those actors on the laptop?

 

Prove yourself you're straight and quit that trash. If you can't, you're probably not that straight.

 

Absolutely right.
For sure it would bring us to a serious crisis. I don't how how she would react, but I know what I would do: feel really bad and ashamed and then I'd say "that's me, I cannot deny or cancel this part of myself, but I am trying to manage it".

She knows I have those feelings. When we were young, I confessed my inner struggle. She told me that she had sometimes same sex attraction and that for women is less problematic to admit.

Now I am expressing this side of myself, but I know it will last as long as I will be satisfied with many other things that have connection to sexuality: first of all the warmth in the couple. When we are close, sexually connected, everything desappears: i bring my introjected homosexuality into the couple. That is really great. And I stop chat and porn.

This happens everytime. This means that my compulsion has a meaning beyond my fantasy and my virtual actions. I am trying to solve this with therapy: I consider my compulsion as a signal of something else, deeper and more important.

 

Maybe if you could start with when n how did this compulsion start.

 

For sure I will. Let's see.
Till then, I'll try to control it.
Thanks for writing. I hope you'll find peace within yourself.

 

Thanks for advice.
I don't think I have to prove myself I am straight...that's how HOCD works. I need to stop worrying about that and my compulsion just will fade away. I am sure about that because it already happened. It starts again whenever I feel stressed or lonely or sexually unsatisfied or less loved. I am a human being, I need to be loved. When l miss love, I search for virtual surrogates. I already know I am attracted to men somehow, even if in a way more morbid and confused then to women. For some strange reason, my sexuality is divided and complex and I decided to live and express openly just one part of it. Isn't that what most of us use to do normally? It's a sign of the times that now we have, thanks to the internet, more chances to express ourselves and explore our identity. It's not bad in my opinion taking this chance. It's not bad admitting we are more fluid, more faceted then we ever thaught us to be. Even virtual sex could be fine: it's a possibility, a choice. What I find "wrong" is living this possibility as a compulsively: not being able to manage what gives us anxiety could be really suffering; not being able to control ourselves could be dangerous. I think that we must be able to separate desire from compulsion; sex and anxiety based sex behaviour, like @ivanhoe told us. That's crucial. Writing here for me means managing compulsion. So thanks again, guys.

 

man do I resonate with that. This behavior isn’t about accepting my sexuality one way or the other. If I were 100% gay I still would not want to use my sexual energy by engaging with strangers on cams. The female pay sites makes me feel just as terrible as the free random sites. The issue that scares me is the way addiction and compulsive behavior and infiltrated my sexuality. If I were gay I would want healthy connections with men if I were straight I would want healthy connections with women. The use of P in all it’s forms makes me unable to do either and that’s what keeps me up at night.

 

Man, I see.
Maybe the same for me. Let's try to stop using labels and focus on what makes us happy and satisfied.
Maybe we are not that satisfied with our sexual lives. And cams are not the answer. I tried cam, I mean 3 times, short sessions: I was nervous, not properly and completely excited. It was maybe adrenaline. But sex is not just adrenaline. It was bad, really. I felt dirty and unsatisfied again and more. But there is always a positive side: I understood that. I know that even if sometimes the temptation is there (you know, dopamine, adrenaline...they are drugs!) that's not what I need. And what do I need? I need to perform sex as a man with the one I love, in my case a woman, my wife. When this not happens for some reasons, I feel the lack of something that for me is vital. Intimacy and sex. Maybe we are just men who like and need sex, dude. We have to find out a way to express our great energy in a positive way! Go for it!!!