Such a mess in my head

First English is not my native language so there will be many mistakes.

People I need help. Some points in my story - reboot day 20, fall in love, friendzone, start feeling depress, soon I m going abroad, huge rollercoster emotion, me 26, she 20.

Ok I ll try tell my story short (maybe long ). It is going to be about one girl that I fall in love in past days. I met her last summer 2017 in one park in city. We were throwing frisbee one night with my friends and her friends,I immediately try to teach her how to throw it properly it was pretty fun. Definitely not hitting on her. Then we didn't get nubmers or fb anything we said goodbye that was it. Next week we met again same story. Times go she actually found me on FB she add me. We just text couple of msg nothing special. I almost forgot on her, and again we met each other we live in small city...we were both drunk and I was joking and suggest we should go outside tomorrow I will couch you bla bla bla, she was really excited (drunk ) she said yes. We actually didn't go with frisbee but just hang out. It was okay normal talk...Then we started go regularly like once per week, it was already winter, we were sitting together side by side. I started touching her like punches, tickle her, touching her shoulder you know things like that...One day I try to kiss her while we were hugging. It was pretty weird but we didn't talk about it like nothing happen. Still I wasn't deeply in love with her, maybe because I was still fapping and occasionally had sex with listen carefully 46y old women such a sexy Milf for free not a whore just divorced lady. I m 26 btw. But then I stop seeing this lady and suddenly I had only her. One night i met her drunk I was sober, she was hugging me telling everyone such a cool guy am I, and then she kissed me like 3-4 times just short kisses. What does it mean....

Now I m on reboot I didn't see porn and fap almost 3 weeks but I feel strong feelings to her. I know she s got lot of friends and one day she told me she overslept in one of her friends but she told me she didn't have sex just laying on the couch and he was nice to her. I don't believe it he must be gay or too drunk. Both were drunk like 4am. I m not stupid I simply don't believe about that night...I said ok ok never mind... I told to myself I m not her boyfriend so whatever she could do what she wants. So okay that was like month ago still I think I was fapping... but last 3 weeks I stopped and suddenly I really really like her I think I fall in love :/ and it bother me. We still seeing each other what should I do or tell her.? And notice I m moving out from our country for whole year. Only 3 weeks remain. I want to spend with her as many time as possible. I know it will pass , one year is long long time, and I will be in one of the biggest city in world so many many new people women and guess what I should be live with one girl in one rent apartment 2 bedrooms (another mess coming ? ) . But I think she likes me but I think just as a one her friend. Damn that. She s got lot of friends but quantity<quality. I feel I m the quality one. I don't know maybe there is no sex attraction from here side. But why she would kiss me while she was drunk. It must be something at least. I really have a mess in my head right now, I know she knows that I m leaving, I texted her I want to spend with you as much as time possible she respond she get it...I simply have to I can't let her go right now, I want to split at very very good way, who knows when I will come back what is going to be like.

I m glad I started nofap because I start feel right feelings. I ve never feel that I love someone as her right now since I broke up with my exgf like 5ys ago. But it really bothers me what happend, I really like her and really care about her.

I hope someone respond me and help me. I think probably best way is telling her the truth what I feel. I think I m going to do before I leave.

 

That kiss was very short on her lips, it wasn't big one. I think I m in love with her and of course she attracts me not only in sexual way. I would like to have sex with her, sooner or later it will be me or someone else that's simply a fact. I think I need to tell her the true that I have feelings for her before I leave...3 weeks remain for me.
Yesterday I texted her when I leave I let her alone, she respond that's not funny....We will see. I m really glad I didn't fap for 3 weeks I ve got real feelings even if it's killing me but I m really glad what have I done in last 3 weeks.

 

Thanks Hatfuge, you are probably right that I am over thinking this. No it is impossible long distance relationship that I don't want it is not going to happen. We will not get to see each other not even one time because I m moving from Europe to Canada.

Yesterday we were out but also with her friends and I tell you she s got mess in her head as well. I decide that I m not going to make any drama right now, I get it that she s got her own world right now and I m just a part of it. I m really glad that I m moving out I should start focusing on that. She really likes me but not love I can see it now. I need to get over with that fact. I ll tell you abroad there will be hundreds of new girls.