suicidal thoughts due to porn addiction

You are doing what typical depressed people do - savoring the feeling of laying on the floor after the fall.
Remember - how you feel is an illusion created by your body in an effort facilitate specific behaviors.
When you feel apprehension, its time to be careful.
When you feel fear its time to take things seriously.
When you feel happy - keep doing what you are doing.
When you feel depressed - its time to reevaluate your goals and priorities deeply.

This works really well, people that feel depressed usually plan significant changes in their lives.

However, do not interpret emotional state as who you are, these are just feedback mechanisms from your own body.
Emotions change your perception of the situation so that you can be more specific and effective in how you approach it.

You also have to face the reality that nothing will change without your full commitment, noone outside can change you.
Responsibility lies only in your hands, we can only motivate you to use it.

Generally, we get depressed, stagnant and fall in to abuse if we are not doing anything meaningful in life, this by itself causes health problems.
Many of these stagnant people suffer and will live miserable life, but sometimes they face a massive problem like cancer and death.
In those moments some of them instead of remaining "on the floor" - get up and try to do stuff they wanted to do but never did, they travel, they run marathons, they climb mountains because - why not.
And surprisingly allot more of the people that do stuff survive cancer and avoid death. They also find joy in life and peace.
So my suggestion start doing stuff, meaningful stuff.

I will add that majority of positive benefits attributed to NOFAP, come from goal oriented behavior and sense of direction and purpose, that comes from perusing a goal(not masturbating for example). We can experience significant physical change in how we feel by having a purpose.
Watching yourself exercise willpower and achieve goals is highly rewarding, and that changes how you physically feel, you will feel more motivated, more focused and stay in better mood and health.
But goals have to have meaning, and they have to be hard but achievable, otherwise you will loose interest and begin looking for other goals to achieve -> change priorities.
So the process is fairly straight forward - set priorities and goals then try to achieve them, if progress is made - you stay healthy and happy. If not you become unhealthy and depressed, to force you to reevaluate your goals, then you create new set of goals and get healthy and motivated again. Repeat.

 

YES!

I’m still depressed often. I struggle with feeling like a loser. Still think about the big “S exit”.

The difference now is I know that part of my mind is wrong and leading me astray. There’s plenty of evidence that I’m not a loser and that there are plenty of people who care about me and would be very hurt and miss me if I go.

It seems illogical but I’m having to remind myself of those and other positive things just about everyday. One would think “One And Done”.

But it’s like there’s a dark cloud that wants to cover me and I’m having to regularly turn on a giant fan to blow the cloud away.

If I don’t do it the darkness will take over and I’ll end up ending myself.

Here’s what I do or have done:

-Consider how good I have life compared to others around the world
-Written out a list of people who would miss me. The list got very long.
-Gotten out and enjoyed life, no matter how simple the activity is.

 

have you tried stepping back...go back from the very year or time of your life when you were so passionate about something. even if it's as young as a teenager.

i don't know if this would help, but to me it does help when i trace back things I was passionate before but didn't really had the chance to focus on it due to...uhmmm too premature to do so back then...no resources available...and if i revisit them, some of those i felt like doing it in the current time.

 

You do have to go through these really tough times in this process. If it was easy it wouldn't be worth doing.

When i started nofap my depression and suicidal thoughts were terrible. I couldn't eat, sleep and lost interest in everything. I wrote a message on here saying that i thought nofap was dangerous because of these withdrawal symptoma.

In my experience, the more you try to keep away from PMO, the easier it will be. Of course, I've tried and failed many times and may fail again. But it does get easier and the urges do become less abundant and easier to deal with. Trust in the process.

 

Hello,

I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling. Rebooting has its ups and downs, just like life. We see many people experiencing both the ups and downs during the reboot, and though it may be hard to see now, these feelings you are having won’t last forever. It will get better with time, if you are patient and wait.

In the meantime, please seek professional help. I know the idea of calling a helpline might terrify you, but in times of crisis, we often need someone their to put our lives in perspective. So please contact someone who can help and don’t hang up on them. The International Association for Suicide Prevention maintains a list of suicide prevention hotlines for countries all over the world. Also, if you don’t feel up to actually talking to someone on the phone, StopSuicide maintains a list of online instant messaging and chat suicide prevention resources.

You are not alone in this. There are ways to treat depression. Please contact people that can help you. Being depressed often makes it feel like you don’t have any more options. But that is a lie. That is just the depression talking. These feelings you have won’t last forever. We are in this with you, and we will all be cheering for you to get through this!

-Beamer
NoFap Moderation Team

 

I second this @mutu , there's no shame in getting help. Sometimes you just need a tiny push from behind to make things work out. There's so many people nowadays getting help, you are not alone in this. Heck, you can even talk with me if you want. We can write here or on telegram.

 

And a psychologist as well. Someone he can spend 50-60 minutes with and can return to.

 

This is exactly how I felt when I first came to this realization in 2016. I realized how much life I wasted and how deep of a hole I dug myself into. I would have panic attacks when I thought about it too much. All of that is behind me now. I saw no hope. That is the effects of all the pleasure chemicals in your brain being chronically depleted and the only thing that stimulates those receptors are your addictions. It sounds like you are deep in a flatline. I had suicidal thoughts 3 years ago too. You must decide to quit and take it one day at a time, it will be very hard but over the course of a year free of porn you WILL improve. Porn is a super stimulus and when you are regularly using everything else falls by the wayside and gets neglected while you deplete all the neurochemicals that allow you to feel happy and satisfied by normal everyday occurrences. I’ve been addicted to many things including porn, cigarettes, alcohol, and heroin. I’ve quit all of them and the first to go was porn, it was the keystone addiction. Without porn I don’t think I would have searched out other addictive means of getting a neurochemical rush to make up for the feelings porn robbed from me. Porn left me feeling the worse of all them and was the hardest to quit but the most important because it eventually led to me taking control of my life. In the beginning all you have to focus on is not using and forcing yourself with everything you got to start improving your life. You will have less than no motivation to do so but you must do it in order to escape.

 

I have also struggled with suicidal thoughts and depression and what helped me is meditation and visualisation. Use your imagination to think about how good life would be without your addiction and try to feel the joy and gratitude you would feel if what you saw became a reality. Try to do this daily as many times as you can and you will start to feel happy as if the things you've imagined have actually happened.
Hope this helps

 

I know this feeling. I'm addicted to porn stuff, that is impossible in real life, so, many times I thought about suicide because of this. Now when I'm escaping, I feel like nothing matter in my life without this fetishes. Even if I have a lot of hobbies. I can only forget about it if concentrate on something. I don't personally thing that this will change, but it is still better then addiction.