Talking to girls

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by tom94, Mar 23, 2017.

  1. tom94

    tom94 Fapstronaut

    So I've never had a real relationship besides maybe 1, and like all of us I deeply attribute it to porn.

    I literally cannot approach a girl unless I'm drunk, and somehow managed to dance all night with a girl the other day who I definitely get the feeling was into me.

    The problem is I just can't talk to her. I can't even get myself to type out any embarrassing messages and I don't know why!

    (Side note I've had anxiety and depression in my life since I was a little kid and I can't say a sentence without stuttering so I don't know if it's all about the porn)
    lianm and NF SINCE BIRTH like this.

    NF SINCE BIRTH Fapstronaut

    I think PMO addiction from early ages are taking away years of your personal development. It is almost in the same way as someone being addicted to weed from the age of 14. They drop out of social circles and get stuck. You are probably lacking some social skills due to being addicted for so long. The best cure is to socialize as much as possible. Do not care about the results in the beginning. You do simply not have the preconditioning yet. The good thing is that you can learn social skills pretty quickly. There is a lot of books to read about the subject.
  3. Ocean Man

    Ocean Man Fapstronaut

    I say cut down the alcohol. If you see a cute girl just talk to her,blurt out whatever you want. Even if it is something dumb. Like let's say, it's super windy outside and you enter a bar. First thing you see it's a cute girl. You can walk over and say something about the wind, tell her how crazy it is and wait for her to reply, if she sees what she likes, she will probably say something or give you material to talk. Talk to friends, you female cousins girlfriends. The daughter of the friend of your aunt. Just talk to a girl and practice!

    You can do it pal, easy and calm!
    Proceed, Rhys0 and señor like this.
  4. Yuetaoko

    Yuetaoko Fapstronaut

    Well, in my case I'm in a similar situation, I'm 20 and I have never had a relationship, the only thing was a sex experience with a girl who slept in my bed (long story...), but I accepted I was curious about what was sex about, everybody is telling me that sex is incredible, why do you want stop fapping if it's incredible and bla bla bla... sincerely, what I experience wasn't so great, even I felt a bit bad with myself the second time we did it, so I decided to break up the situation. It was very hard for me, but I will never forget that
    in spite of the situation I was loyal to myself.

    What I want to say with that is first: Don't be hurry if you are not into a relationship, first you have to know all about yourself, who you are and why (you can do a list with 10-20 moments of your life that defines you and put and adjetive, for example: when I was 10 I had a terrible disease and now I'm healthy so I'm a resilent person. You can look at "introvertedalpha" there is a lot of free content that is helping me). The next step is practice. The theory is about 30% of the work, practice 50% and courage a 20%. Just go out and talk to other people and if you feel nervous, let tell you something... everybody has the same feeling before approaching unknow people, so if you feel anxious, just say to the other: I'm sorry but I really want to do this because I'm shy and if I don't do this now later I will be angry with me so Hello my name is John.

    By last, don't feel bad if you cannot see the progress on the first days, I started on January, now I'm enjoying myself more than before and don't need a girlfriend to be happy, because I know that the most important thing in this life is to be happy, to fight for my dreams, to control my actions and not be a mere marionette of the porn. That's why I started the NoFap challenge, to prove myself that I'm a tiger and not a sheep.

    You're doing right dude, just follow the path and enjoy the journey, the reward it's worth ^^

    PS: Sorry for my english! X_D
    Fourtyeight likes this.
  5. Mitch22

    Mitch22 Fapstronaut

    Yeah man go out there! The advise i'm giving you now i can and will aplly also for my self a lot of emotions and growth allready get stuck from a really young age. So almost everybody have to learn to connect again, but in different degree's offcourse. And enjoy the little victories. When you say something to a girl give yourself a pad on your back. It's brave. But go outside your comfortzone everytime a bit. The problem will stay there to challenge you to grow. It's up to you if you go through it everytime or stay where you are.
  6. Mitch22

    Mitch22 Fapstronaut

    Better to be embarrassing than not send anything. See the possibilities in every situation. This will change your mindset. You danced with a girl. How was that? Would you like to dance with a girl more often? Celebrate the small victories and live. My mind always want to rethink about the past but just see that and refocuss on something new.
  7. tom94

    tom94 Fapstronaut

    I'm guessing you guys are all from the US cos in my part of England (and I bet it's just me to be fair) I feel like I'd get the shit kicked out of me for talking to a girl. That isn't to say I'm not able to deal with this cos I will try but it's just a different social convention I think haha
  8. Ghost_Rider

    Ghost_Rider Fapstronaut

    Just go upto her and say whats on your heart,
    She is just another human being, her fart stinks, she has BO, she has bad breath .
    Don't think of her as alien, she is a human being, although quite different from males ;)
  9. Dc76

    Dc76 Guest

    You honestly don't know what's going to happen in the dating world until you try. Every girl is different, and they might be just as scared as you are. If you get rejected, it's just one more funny story to tell your buddies

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