Texting Etiquette

This is gonna be long and in-depth. I enjoy questions like this.

Here we go:First off , there's some crucial things you need to do ( or not do ) in texting.

Never

- Never reply as soon as you get the text. Wait around a bit. I'm sure you were in the middle of something anyway. Get that done , then reply.

- Never compliment too much over text. Scarcity is value. Diamonds are valuable because they're scarce,rare. Stones aren't because you find them everywhere.Basically don't hand her anything she hasn't yet earned. If she feels like she worked for it , it will mean exponentially more.

- Never double , triple , quadruple text as a means to get her to respond. This is one of the worst things you can do. It irradiates neediness. Nothing worse than a "hey , you there ?" or "why are you ignoring me ?". Texts like that are the fastest way to get her to hate you.

- This is a big one. They're all important ,but this is big. NEVER interpret what a girl is saying. Girls usually text all the time. And I mean all the time. Whether it's facebook , twitter , normal texts to their 'bffs' , whatsapp , <insert more social media here> , they're texting. It would be mentally exhausting for anyone if they'd had to think all those texts through and attach 'deeper meaning' to them. Basically , take it for what it is.

- Never text for no reason. Let me explain. It's ok if you're bored at the moment , we've all been there , but for the love of God please don't just text "hey , what's up ?" to her. That doesn't take care of your boredom , it's just infects her with it too. I'll get back to this.

- Never send the mile long text. Everyone sent or received one at some point. You know what I'm talking about. The text in which you belch out all your feelings and thoughts and hurts and likes. The ultimate desperation text. As a matter of fact make it a habbit of not belching serious emotions over text at all. Don't bust out the first "I love you" over text. Should be obvious , but you'd be surprised. So yeah , the mile long text. Disgusting to send , even moreso to receive. Don't do it.


Always

- Drama . People love drama. Women most of all. If your texts lack drama you'll end up in the friendzone , or her gay best friend. Never be "just another guy". Don't overdo small talk and don't play it safe. That's what everyone does and it's boring , horrible ,boring and horrible. Again , I'll get back to this later. Probably gonna make a second post with a conversation I've had.

-Emoticons. Some people are against these. But fuck that. Use emoticons.Everyone likes emoticons. If I'm texting a girl who never uses them I get the feeling that I'm talking to a robot.It's that dull. Plus emoticons help project the desired emotions and send the right message across. Look , for example a out right insult as "You bitch" can turn into a tease "You bitch ". Or on the receiving end , "You dick" and "You dick " mean two entirely different things. The emoticon keeps it playful. Anyway ,calibration is important. If the conversation gets "serious" somehow , as in she's telling you her dog just got ran over by a car , you should probably not use emotes.

-End game. Remember the end game. There's always an end game. You got her number for a reason , which is usually that you wanna see her again. So work on that.

Mystery. I know , seems cliche. But girls (and people in general) love mystery. She'll be exponentially more interested in you if you send her "a few" texts , as opposed to a 5 hour long conversation.That's not the way to go and God forbid your life is that boring that you can afford spending 5 hours texting someone.
A very basic example of this is what you respond when she asks where you work or go to college or whatever.
Her:"So whats you major ?"
Me:"Oh I don't go to college. I'm a stripper. I think I actually gave you a lapdance a few days ago. Hah , I knew you were familiar".
It's a fun deflection and will get her to wonder even more. Ofcourse if she asks again give her the real answer , you don't wanna overdo it.


Calibrate sweetness. Ofcourse , don't do this the first day. If it's going good with this beautiful young thing , and I feel she's invested enough already , I'll send her a "Good morning sunshine" text. Or something along those lines. This is a very sharp double edged sword. If used to soon it's gonna cause some serious damage. However, if used properly it's gonna skyrocket her impression of you. It will make her feel special.
Remember our talk about scarcity being value ? Keep that in mind.

GRAMMAR. See how that's all in caps ? Yeah, that's right. It's that important. Seriously if you ever want to half a decent girl by your side , easiest way of never having that is with retarded grammar.

"ay gurl leme holla at u wut u up to"
Nevah evah writ liek dis.Got it ?


Ok so I said I'd get back to not being "that guy" & boredom texts. As far as texting goes , the first text is like the first impression. It should never ,ever be one of the following:

"Hey what's up?"
"Hey how is it going?"
"Hey"
"Sup"
"Hey how are you?"
"Hey what are you up to?"

and worst of all

"Hey , it's x , the guy from last night if you remember. Whats up ?"

I guarantee that 9 out of 10 times you will not get a response to these , and if you do , you won't get the second.

Like I said , it's ok if you're bored , but the point is to have fun , not spread boredom around. You need to catch her interest. Drama works well here. Drama in this case means creating suspense or curiosity. Or being funny.

Here are some headers:

"Hey , you won't believe what just happened."

"I hope you're ready for this"

"Wow , this is amazing"

Get the point ?

Good , so here's a context example:

Me:"Wow , this is amazing.Holy shit";
Her:"What ?";
Me:"I just learned how to read minds. Right now you're thinking -RC is such a great guy and I'm totally in love with him";
Her:"Hahahah , suuuure. Actually I just got out of the shower and wondering what to wear";
Me:"Well that's easy. The answer is nothing. You come over naked.";

The point of this conversation is that it's fun and unique. She won't feel it's a burden talking to you , as she would to responding to a "How's your day ?" text.

As far as the first text goes , it depends on your real-life first interaction. I like to do something memorable , and use it later. This is the real-life part.

Her:"*looking around ,a little lost*"
Me:"Wow , you have no idea what you're looking for ,do you ?";
Her:"Hahah, yeah,I'm kinda lost. Is this the Distributed Operating Systems lab ?";
Me:"Yeah , that's it. Here , sit next to me.";
...some small talk as she's telling me about her first major...
Her:"So yea I graduated Constructions";
Me:"Woah woah woah , back up back up. You look like you're 19 years old , there's no way you already finished one major.";
Her:"Yeah I wish ,haha,I'm actually 25. You ?";
Me:"21 but leave that alone for now ,you are a constructions engineer ? You're barely 1.50cm tall.Man I'd give anything to see you ordering man that are 3 times your size around ,hahahah";

...more talk until I got the number...
Spent 2-3 hours with her that day.

Point is , I made a few more reference to her as being a very short engineer. So the first text the next day ,obviously was:

Me:"Fuck...this is bad.Really bad.Need the world's shortest engineers' advice.";
Her:"You ok ,RC ?What happened ?"; *see ? no need to introduce myself. The engineer reference already told her who I was.*
Me:"Well I reaaaally wanna eat some pancakes , but I have no clue how to make them. How soon can you get here ?";
Her:"OMG I hate you ). You scared me there for a sec. And stop calling me short !"
Me:"Hey hey , this is serious.";
Her:"Ok ok , I "know" how to make pancakes , but if you eat anything I cook you'll probably end up dead. I'm seriously that bad ."
Me:"Wow ..you seriously know how to sell youself . Still , deathcakes sound awesome."
Her:"deathcakes ? really ? hahah. I need to finish some assignments though. Plus I have no clue where you even live."
Me:"Bring your laptop , I'll help you out. Address is blblalbalba."
Her:"This is kind of sudden. I just met you yesterday. You're not gonna murder me are you ?";
Me:"Nah , I'm a killer only during the weekend. You're good for another few days.";
Her:"hahahah , ok ok , be there soon.";


Right..that would have NEVER happened , EVER , if I would've started that converstaion with "Hey , it's the guy from yesterday , if you remember." I probably wouldn't have gotten a reply it that were the case.

To be honest I didn't really expect to get her to come over when I began texting her. Still , I took the pressure of "being invited over" off the table with light fun and friendliness. Also it's important to be as non-threatening as possible.



OK , this post is getting very longs and I've got other stuff to do. I'll post a quick conversation to point out how drama is very important , and that'll be all for now.

As a sidenote , I know I said emoticons are important , however I had to delete some from my conversations due to the fact that you can only post 4 per imagine on the NoFap forums.

 

It's usually a good idea to cut contact right until the scheduled date time if it's only a couple of days apart. For example you scheduled last night and then texted her about it first thing in the morning. That can make you seem overexcited and a bit needy. Probably why she didn't reply.


Like Anon pointed out , don't ask for validation. Tell her where you want to go , and if she dislikes that place she'll tell you. In that case you can either propose a new location or choose together.
Really good point Anon makes again is always assume attraction.


So yeah, as I was saying about cutting contact till the date. If you do that it will keep her guessing. She'll wonder whats going on and when you eventually do text her , she'll be much more inclined to reply since she's been waiting for that text herself.

However , I'd advise you to never text in order to confirm a date. If it's already scheduled , wait until the chosen day , and call about 3-4 hours before. Texts can easily be ignored , calls not so much. Also keep the call short and be assertive.

Don't say :"Hey.What's up ?...so are we still on for tonight ? is 5:00 still good ?
Say:"Hey.What's up ? So look , I'll pick you up at about 5:00.And you , as the lovable person you are won't keep me waiting. Nor smoke a cigarrete."

Be somewhat playful.


I'd also advise against things such as "I'm really looking forward to seeing you soon."
Phrases like that put girls on the spot. It's unnecessary pressure. Don't do things that will make it seem as if this date is the best thing that's ever happened to you. Leads right back to neediness and desperation.



So yeah ,good luck and keep us posted .

 

I'm so super glad I've read this thread for two reasons:
-Now I know all the secrets of how boys text. Héhé I feel powerful
-This is actually incredibly good advice that I'm going to use in the very unlikely case I find a potential prey. Even though girls aren't supposed to be the one asking out. Sometimes you have to makes things move by yourself

Thank you very deeply guys for this advices. Your post, R.C, is a masterpiece.

And I'm kinda ashamed but I read the exemples and I have to say that I would totally fall in the trap of the humour filled mystery. Omg this is excellent. Brilliant.

And if I may add a girl-who've-never-experienced-anything opinion, I would like to really stress on how much "hi how are you" is the WORST beginning ever. I'm sorry to recall that to myself and everybody but when I were chatting on xhamster (and believe me that was the thing I liked the most), maybe *because* it was just a porn site guys chatted like they just didn't care and just wanted sex but I noticed how much much much longer the conversations starting with a "shock" statement were during. Things like "how are you", "how is your day", all this phatic language leads to a dead way. So I'll answer and what's next? Nothing, we don't have anything more to say to each other. Maybe it's just that I'm curious by nature but the more surprising your first line is, the higher the bonus you start with and the more chance you have to hit on me.
Just wanted to emphasize this a bit, but it's useless as R.C post was perfect.

Have a nice day y'all! Stay strong guys! Thanks again!

 

Thanks Coco , your female POV valuable to this conversation .


@gigles Ma' man ! Proud of you bro. Well done.

 

This is extremely true. I cannot fathom this enough, I don't have enough experience to be sure of what I'm saying, but as most of the time of the time we're supposed to wait for guys to talk to us, we may recognize pretty well the basic techniques used. We're supposed to receive and it's a lot easier. I generalize of course. Indeed that may be why I think this is so great, because it makes total sense and I don't understand why it's not the norm. How can a guy think he's special and interesting if he use "hey what's up"? It's a mystery for me. But it's my personal opinion and it would be interesting to have the opinion of a guy who starts his conversations like that. Maybe shyness? Dunno. Yes I agree "fall in the trap" is a really bad expression. "Be charmed", maybe?

Thanks for your post as well Anon, they were very instructive!

Well to answer your question, I only had one date with one guy, and we only were two dumb 17 years old youths. For our first date he brought me to a paintball park. It's hilarious when I think about it because it represent the guy so much, but I can tell you that it's definitely NOT a good idea for a first date. I were the only girl amongst 9 guys and they couldn't recognize me in the paintball attire so I got hurt pretty badly by these Call of Duty trained geeks... Not the most romantic thing ever XD

For what I know, if a guy really is interested in me, he has to know my tastes and try to seduce me with it. Otherwise I'll took him for a very shallow guy only interested in my body (lmao in my case) and that's not what you want right?
I'll try to explain myself with taking me as an example (it will never happen but hey who knows).
So I am extremely fond of art and taxidermy and I adore to take walks in the city and in the woods.
I take the fact that the guy is interested enough in my personality to have talked to me and know this - as this is a very very visible part of me - for granted.
What would be the very best first date in my case is not a pretty, romantic dinner or seeing a movie together or anything. The more time flies the less interesting I find to watch movies. It would be a walk to visit art galleries and see street art in East London, or a visit to the Huntherian museum followed by a long talk in a pub, or something like that, you know?
I'm not really clear I'm afraid, what I would like to say is that the more specific to the personality of the girl the first date is, the better it will be, because first she will know that you're interested in her tastes which is the best thing you can do, then it will interest her and make her interested in you ("hey! this guy have the same tastes than me, or at least he's trying to be interested in my tastes! wow, either he's really nice, either he's super interesting! I'm calling him tonight I want to see him again and know him more! why did he choose that particular location?"), then you will be a special guy in her eyes because you didn't make the classical/boring scheme of movie or coffee. For the very first date, you may try only to think of the girl. In my case, if you wanna hit on me and you're only remotely interested in art, then there's only a very small chance we'll get along. If you try to bring me to a movie I'll be bored. I'm super careful about my calorie intake so if you take me to a dinner, of course it will please me but I will not feel really comfortable.

But this includes that you already talked enough to know the girl a bit. If you just met the girl and know you really like her and want a date, then try to be really creative. Yes it sounds easy-to-say-hard-to-do but it's pretty much it. Maybe the girl already has 20 date proposition and the only schedule possible is at the same time than another guy whose she has not answered yet. You have to be more interesting than him basically, and a movie / coffee, which it's true IS efficient, is pretty boring.

Generally I would say, for the first date do something lightly special and not TOO intimate and try to take the personality of the girl and your own personality (show who you are) in consideration. Try to do something where you spend the less money possible and which is the best related to the girl's personality. There's billions of possibilities not to spend money AND not to pass for a skinflint mofo. Generosity and caring is not only about money.

That's the advice of an inexperimented at all 19 years old little girl, and more particularly that's the advice of me Anne-Dauphine. Everyone's different and you should forget everything I said and be spontaneous and be yourself because after all that's what's the most important right?

EDIT: I forgot to say, congratulations giggleshmak

 

Coffee , movie & dinner dates are top 3 worst first date ideas .

Movies - allow for little to no real interaction. The point of a first date is to get to know each other. Not much of that going on while staring at a screen for 2 hours.

Dinner - yeah , sure , nothing better than being stuck with someone who you might not even like for who knows how long. Besides disliking them , now you're also paying for their food. Hahah.

Coffee - if you look up "Boring" in the dictionary , Coffee date is what you'll find.


Coco's right. First dates should not be intimated and should be light. My go-to first date during winter is ice-skating. The worse you are at it , the more fun you'll have. Also gets you physically comfortable with each other since one of you will probably be constantly picked up by the other.

 

^This. Slow clapping, nothing to add except that ice-skating indeed is a very good idea. It can reveal a lot of aspects of the personality of each other and you can be the nice guy by proposing your manly help for her not to fall. +1 for the physical contact.

 

Honestly its not manipulative if your direct. But i'm always direct. Bowling action sports are great first dates. But you have to know the girl for one girl rock climbing might be the best for another going to a bar. You have to screen for it. But I don't think I would date a girl who really likes bars.

But ya texting its a biggie and it has to have emotions. And its true you've gone over it having emotions and exclamation marks. Thats how girls text each other and thats how we should. The emotions part.

But coffee can be boring if you suck at conversations so you might as well make it easy on yourself and do things that have conversations built in. And ya movies suck, no conversation otherwise its rude probably a later date thing

As far as dinner goes I recommend if you can, make a home cooked meal and have a movie on maybe pixar cause those are fun or a movie she really likes. See its about really what you both want. Its more of a 3rd or 4th date kinda thing so you have time to find allergies stuff like that.

R.C i'm guessing your into pickup which isn't bad hey lots of guys are I started there what can I say.

 

Since I was 17 bro , since I was 17 .

 

Ya thats where we all started. I remember hearing about indirect and I see guys do it and I think what pussies you want to get in her pants might as well tell her and if she says no at least you didn't waste 20 minutes or so.

Honestly though I just kinda go with the flow and see where it goes I don't do scripted stuff as often or ever. So what do yo do just curious?

 

I dont do anything in particular , I have my own style. Pick-up basics helped me connect the dots a while ago. It's all natural.

 

Ya man thats what I do. Early on I kinda did scripted lines but later on I just said hi felt it out and did what came natural. Its a lot easier than remembering lines. And I just kinda go with it.

I always know what I should've done after I've done it or when a friend tells me about his. I going hit on this girl at a coffee shop but build it over time like not go to often so dating me wouldn't get awkward. Just wondering on your opinion I will probably be a little strong what do you think?

 

Why are you still texting her to schedule dates ? You've already been on one good date. Future dates should be set by calls.


You should post the exact text you sent. Can't give you any good answer otherwise.

 

Anon Hymous, R. C. I think I have a man crush. No homo.

But for real, great posts - some quality material there. I've gotten varying advice from friends such as, you have to text them for a few days before you ask them out, just text to meet up, etc., etc. I'm wondering what your guy's opinions are. Text a few times, keep it light and funny, then make plans to meet up - all within ten texts or something short?

I love hanging out with girls in person, but texting is definitely not one of my better areas of expertise.

 

Yeah, Fridays / Saturdays are usually planned ahead by most people. Quite a few days in advance is a good time to call. I usually go for ~8 pm - weekday. Most people either get off work / finish their college classes at around 5-6. Give or take 1 hour till they get home , I'd say 8 is a good time to call.

It really depends on how well she's responding to you to be honest.For example , I've once had to text about 2 weeks till I felt the 'relationship' was at a point where she'd say yes to a date. In other situations , I went for it immediately the day after meeting her.
What can I say , all girls are different and have different styles. Some will love you from the start , others will need some time to open up.

So there's no golden rule that applies to every situation. A good guideline however is if you're gonna ask for a meetup , do it after a short ,light and fun conversation. It's much more likely for her to respond positively if she's having a good time when asked.And yeah , ~10 texts is a good idea.

 

I'll add my own vision on this topic.
About texting ettiquette I think all has been said yet

About dating ettiquette, in wich has derived this thread, I confirm what said cocorosie about the great utility of knowing and sharing the hobbies and interests of the other part.

Me, after the years and after knowing myself better, I always try to choose the girls by pure intuition, and I find a huge difference between going with a girl with whom I share hobbies and ways of life or not (is the difference between having nearly assured in any case a conversation topic or not) think of it as a way of "syncronizing" both lives.

I have been "dated" aswell (yes, the women do aproach aswell), and many used the method said by cocorosie, but for man. Sometimes worked, sometimes not, but the method is infallible.

infallible aswell for a situation that has not been covered yet, origin of many headaches and worries.
let's see:


The people is not always thinking in dating, they have their own things to do, their own inner worlds (sometimes bigger than the outer ones), and if somebody suddenly appears and textes or phisically says "hello, wat's up" The most normal is the other person (man or women) didn't notice anything, is not a question of indifference, is a question of "unsyncronizaton" of both rythms of live. Is as if you speak in normal voice in the middle of a concert (nobody hears you)

That's why shocking messages work so well to break the "rythm" of the other person and then enter you (I learned it well in advertising lessons)

Me as a person with a big inner world of thoughts and various worries I had many unfortunate cases of "unsyncronisation", as a "victim" and as a "predator"... and sometimes when you realized the girl wanted to call your attention... is so late for you, not because indifference

So boys, apply it to girls cases


And once more: I think that the huge amount of fails and desillusions in approaching the opposite sex is mainly because the people is not used live by intuition, wich sadly in the school is not taught.