Thanks to NoFap Already

Thank God for NoFap. I've come to learn that one of my MAIN triggers is loneliness. I have no one to talk to about this. This is my deepest issue and I have no one to talk to about it! I finally feel like I have a safe space to talk it out. Maybe that's all I need right now to move forward in my life.

I know down the road that I'll need counseling or therapy. I grew up in a weird twisted way and I have no one to blame for it. It is just the hand I was dealt. My single mother, my god-father/father figure, and everyone else around me have done nothing but shower me with praise and affections. I appreciate them for that but it makes it extremely hard to emote myself except in times of crisis.
They all have their own lives and issues and now I am an adult. That pressure has led to anxiety and that anxiety ends up combining with my thoughts coercing me to run back to PMO.

Now that I can talk about it I don't feel as lost or conflicted. I had a million voices going through my head at once and now I have a steady stream of flowing thoughts because I'm actually putting EFFORT into thinking instead of constantly chasing my tail all day.

Nothing from this point will be easy. I am finally able to accept this because now I have a community that I feel like I belong. Thank you guys for providing that!

 

I'm going to stream on Twitch, constantly. That's the one thing that helps me. I want to be a streamer and a content creator and when I do stream I feel positive and like i'm getting results. A few days ago I streamed myself making a beat and a few people came in and I had a bunch of laughs and exchanges of soundcloud links. I haven't streamed in about 2 days.

These last 2 days have been binge heavy. Twitch keeps me on my toes because I'm either playing a game or sharing my desktop screen.