The beginning of a new life

Hi guys (and gals, if any)...I hope to have a fresh start to my life and the first step towards that is getting rid of my addiction to porn and masturbation. I've read a lot about this community and I am so excited to be finally joining in the challenge. I've tried many times before but have always failed. This time I want it to be different. I am taking it one week at a time..My goal is to go 7 days (starting 11/14/2016, Monday till 11/21/2016) without watching any kind of erotic videos/images or reading erotic stories ...and masturbating...I will journal my progress in the forum and also hope to get motivation from other peoples' success stories...

Wish me the best and best wishes in your battle too...

 

Failed the first day itself...what started as a 'curious look' at a youtube video ended up in a PMO....I am very disappointed with myself....also I realize how strong my addiction is....But I will keep fighting...i've reset my one week challenge to start from today (Tuesday 11/15/2016 6:00 am) onwards till next Tuesday 11/22/2016 6o am and see journal the progress. I realize it's not gonna be an easy ride as I am fighting against my own already established neuron pathways....but it has to be done somehow...I forgive myself for the failure and apologize to anyone who saw my earlier post and had spurred me on...

 

I feel its a good idea to have a vision as to why I am doing this....I will try to find a reason for each day...Today's reason is...

1. I want to feel control of my life:- PMO has, in some way, got out of my control. For e.g., I wanted to not do that yesterday, but I still did it. I don't like the fact that my rational brain has lesser control over my amygdala. I want the roles reversed. I want my frontal lobes to grow up and be the master. Fuck amygdala....fuck off with being a dictator over my life....

 

Survived day 1 without any trouble....Had a very productive one..Got many things done at work, talked with lots of people and had a very good time...slept well, worried less...altogether a good day.....

Today's reason is....
2. I want to get rid of my brain fog:- It used to be very bad when brain fog was totally ruining my late teen and early adulthood...I couldn't think clearly, couldn't speak up and altogether felt like living in a prison. it has reduced ever since I tried to quit over the last few years but I want it to go away forever....fuck off brain fog..

 

Halfway into my second day....had a busy day at work and after I came back watched some videos on the whole pro life vs pro choice debate...makes my head heated up ..I realized its in these circumstances that I feel like masturbating watching porn, just to get the heat off my system and relaxed....I will fight this urge...also my urinary bladder is full from neglecting nature's call while sitting in front of the laptop watching youtube videos ....believe me or not ..a full bladder has had been a trigger for relapse in my past tries....this time hell no..Right after posting this..i am closing my laptop and going and fucking urinate...

 

Messed up and utterly failed. It feels like I am a boy in ring against a Sumo fighter. He has battered me to paste and I feel like a total loser. I don't even know if I can win...but I will still rise up and start again...Day 0 starts today...going to take one day at a time.....goal is plain and simple...stay off my phone....