The journey to restoration

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Peter231, Jun 22, 2018.

  1. Peter231

    Peter231 Fapstronaut

    Hello everyone, and wow can I say that this feels very weird typing to a bunch of people who might see this but that I honestly do not know.
    Whether anyone reads this or not is fine by me, I just need this space to write as there is definitely a soothing effect acquired through writing.
    I am a 22 year old male who is currently studying at university and pornography has definitely taken a toll on my life. I have tried to convince myself for so long that I am not addicted but when taking a step back from this whole situation it is impossible to not conclude that I am. I am in desperate need for community as community is so often difficult to find in the environment a person finds oneself in. I came across this website tonight by watching a video from a channel on youtube I discovered yesterday called "***".
    With that out of the way my biggest trigger is visual stimulus once I get an urge. I struggle to resist urges and don't know when last I resisted one. The urges become a lot more hectic during exams as it the perfect way to relieve stress and my brain has now programmed itself to believe that I owe it to myself to relieve myself. Pornography is honestly the most vile thing I can think of and I hate myself for it. When a person is not stimulated and can think with a clear mind, the thought of pornography is despicable especially all the genres. And then all of a sudden in an intoxicated state, all these crazy ideas and filthy things become so normal as if they were acceptable. I have recognised this pattern for so long and it frightens me each day that it is not something I can control. The problem comes in that it effects so many other parts of my life. The way I view women (as a means to an end), when I am drunk the thing I tend to look for is a hook up, it has effected my self image, it also effects so many other aspects that I was not aware about but thanks to the nofap getting started thingy I understand that is the root of so many other problems.
    So to lay it all out I am hopelessly addicted to pornography whether it is a few days without it or every day and that is the problem, I cannot go without as difficult as it is to say. I recently lost my virginity when I was really drunk, I did give consent but the girl definitely took advantage of me. But my virginity was lost many years ago to the countless of women I masturbated to. I am very thankful this site came across my path and I really hope it will be the light at the end of the tunnel for a very hopeless man. PMO count: 0.
  2. Well done, you made the first and possibly the most important step.... you owned up to your P addiction and you’re willing to make a change!

    Read through the rebooting section, and make a clear plan of what you need to do. Ask yourself some difficult questions; what are your triggers? What are you going to do when those triggers appear? What new habits can you put in the place of the old ones?

    Challenge yourself to be better and you will be amazed at the benefits.
  3. nia108

    nia108 Fapstronaut

    Welcome, you will find much support and resources here.
  4. Hi. Welcome to forum!

    Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

    I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain after physical injury. Plus it is generally a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body.

    You gotta make sure it is proper mindfulness meditation though. "Mindfulness" meditation where we just focus on breath is more like a concentration meditation instead. It works too but differently and not as powerfully in my experience. Real mindfulness meditation however trains you to accept your urges by understanding the nature of them by observing them, not just suppress them by concentrating on something else instead. It makes you comfortable with them. And once you accept and become comfortable with them there is no need to get rid of them, so there is no need to PMO. Only reason why we PMO is because that urge, that itch in our crotch is uncomfortable, we wanna get rid of it. And then after PMO we have our release. Or we simply want pleasure. And inability to have that pleasure makes us uncomfortable. But if we accept that we can not have pleasure then resistance is gone and there is no reason to PMO.

    Acceptance and mindfulness is the key. Check out this Ted talk on acceptance and mindfulness practice, it gives a good idea of what's it's about when it comes to philosophy. The mindfulness practice as described by psychologist in a the video can be used by itself but ideally should be used as supplementation to your daily sitting meditation. Sitting meditation I personally practice and recommend to people is as explained by meditation expert in this YouTube playlist. If you don't like the monk or want other method there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations.

    Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!

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