The Lonely Path to Freedom!

The path to freedom is a lonely one but a glorious one!
Why? Because freedom from bondage or addiction means we MUST walk the path of integrity.
What is integrity? It is the ability to make decisions and remain FIRM despite what other people think (or what we think other people think.), even despite our own personal desires.
Ultimately we face death alone, so we better have our shit together when it comes. (Be at peace with whatever or whoever your God is)
Ultimate Freedom is NO FEAR!!!!
The ability to "walk alone" is part of the Hero's Journey, facing the dragon is part of the Hero's Journey, embracing the Unknown is the Hero's Journey!
Porn Addiction is NOT part of the Hero's Journey.

 

Some of us have a history of solitude and I am one of those people.
I was "raised" in a household that moved from state to state, from the US to Europe and back, and never really had a "home" in the traditional sense, like a hometown. I had to make new friends constantly and then lose them.
Eventually I just became a "loner", so yes, loneliness is in my blood, so to speak.
I am sure that the solitude was part of the addiction problem that started early in my life, feeling abandoned and living primarily in my head and imagination. On top of that the family was very dysfunctional, lots of stress and taboos, Dad always gone working and Mom was manic depressive.
In hindsight, even though the loneliness was hard on me as a child, now it has become an asset for me, because I can cope with it quite well in comparison to most people. I don't need social acceptance to function.
During these last 2 1/2 years, since I quit alcohol, and now quit PMO, I have had to retreat into the great lonely abyss to find myself again, and I can say that it has been a successful journey so far.
In AA one of the key ingredients is the ability to define your "higher power" or whatever your "God" is. That has to be done through an inward journey and that inward journey must be done alone!
For me, the act of finding "myself" goes hand in glove with finding that "higher power", the two foundation cornerstones of my new life.
I spent the last 30 years attempting to be a husband and father, and now am ready to face the "great beyond", the world of adventure and the unknown, where life and death blend together into the great oneness that is the cosmos. My "higher power" is my Zen Master, who has been guiding me along this new path to freedom! Yes, it is an individual and lonely path, but the shackles have been torn asunder and I am free from bondage and slavery!!!!

 

I was thinking this morning about how I used to use my wife as a gauge to determine whether I was behaving properly or not...how ridiculous, somehow I thought that I needed the approval of another person to confirm my actions. This went on for half of my life! Also, it created an enormous amount of resentment, and nearly drove me to drinking myself to death. Of course it didn't help my PMO addiction.
People think that a lonely path is a miserable way to exist when in fact it can be very enjoyable. I understand the need to have intimacy, but unfortunately what happens is people become dependent on each other. Not good. The enjoyable aspect of being alone is the ability to just simply do what you want, without having to explain anything to someone else. The need for affirmation is a weakness.
Confidence in your own actions or behaviors is the foundation for any long lasting endeavor, whether it be a form of business, a resolution to change habits or tackle a difficult job. That confidence is part of being a mature man. I have had to back off from people in general in order to gain this confidence and be secure in my identity.
Ultimately, I believe that any new relationships that I will form in the future will be so much better, when the other person realizes that I don't need anything from them!

 

I don't know if anyone is real here....maybe y'all are just computer generated algorithms.....
Anyways, get used to the loneliness, it's not so bad....follow your inner Zen!