The reason

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Daggertail19, Sep 1, 2022.

  1. Daggertail19

    Daggertail19 Fapstronaut

    I watch porn and masturbate to block out the feeling of loneliness. I make up excuses for myself, but at the end of the day that is what the reason is.

    Then I get a good girl in my life, and everything seems ok. There is this unnerving feeling in the back of my head though, why isn't she like this? Why doesn't she dress like that or look like that? Then I push her away, in my mind, I can get a way better girl if I go somewhere else. Then I leave, and I try to get other girls. Oh, wait a second, I can get girls. But this feels like trash, zero connection. I sleep with one girl one day, and never talk to her again the next.

    Now I am missing her, cause I pushed her away. Now I'm wondering if it was worth it, and hating myself for what I did. How I made her cry, how I made her hate me. What have I done? You thought you could be better, do better, just because you went 13 days without PMO? What a joke.

    And the same endless cycle of self hate and sadness repeats itself again. Will I ever break these chains?

    Xue Hua Piao and Gemini9005 like this.
  2. Are you looking for some guidance/advice here, or just to be able to offload and share?
  3. Daggertail19

    Daggertail19 Fapstronaut

    Both? I think by now I know that I need to figure out a way to forgive myself. Just a matter of figuring it out. Time is the biggest thing, huh?
  4. Seizetheday

    Seizetheday New Fapstronaut

    Same happened to me, the only difference is that the girl stayed for 4 months trying to convince me to get back to the gym and start therapy and that she will be there for me. The stupid me,with all that fake ego and burned dopamine receptors made me choose to make her experience hell, by cheating and not trying to create a meaning to my life. We had some great times and she saw the real me sometimes, during my ups. That's why she always believed that I could reach my full potential quickly if I wanted. But I wasn't ready yet as she said in our last meeting.
    Sometimes, that very scaring Idea came to my mind; did I lost the one? I know the answer is not, but I guess I understand the point.

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