The Search for Sex

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Lakeside, Sep 2, 2019.

  1. Lakeside

    Lakeside Fapstronaut

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    This isn't aimed at anyone in particular, but what is it with the desperate search for sex on these forums? All of us on here are recovering from, or trying to break, a sex centred addiction; so why are there so many people asking how they can find sex asap? Sex will not help your recovery; and sex should not be a goal in and of itself. I understand that not everyone on here has a religious reason for abstaining from cheap sex, but honestly, I would have thought it was obviously not a great idea for anyone, let alone someone with sexual addiction.
    How is sex for the sake of sex any different from P and M? Yes it might not affect your physical sexual capabilities like P and M, but mentally it's basically the same thing. Because if it's sex for the sake of sex, the woman you're with might as well be a picture on a screen. The true separation between P+M and real sex is not the physical presence of a woman's body, but rather the relations and connections between you and the woman. Have you noticed how those saying "sex is nothing special" and "it's not worth saving your virginity" always seem to be the people who went after sex for the sake of sex and haven't experienced it within a loving, lasting, relationship?
    Sex should be the result of a successful relationship; the outward working of your love for that person. And when I say "love" I'm not talking about physical attraction or even "feelings"; both of those are important in a romantic relationship, but love is when you put their needs and desires ahead of your own, when you treat them how you would like to be treated, when you seek to create and maintain a truly intimate closeness with them built through total honesty, total sharing, total caring, etc. When you can achieve that level intimacy without sex (and believe me, you can if you try) then sex will be the natural outward sign of your intimacy, not the supposed source of it, and will therefore necessarily have greater meaning and closeness than sex does when it is made the goal.

    Remember: sex is for a relationship, not a relationship for sex.
     
  2. Mr. McMarty

    Mr. McMarty Fapstronaut

    its because the average age of a new member is around 17 years. Most are male.
     
  3. Lakeside

    Lakeside Fapstronaut

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    That's a point; but I come across a lot of posts by guys in their early to late 20s all worrying because they're still virgins or they aren't getting regular sex, or whatever. It was one of those posts that prompted me to write this in the first place.

    But for that matter, 17 year old guys shouldn't be building their worlds around sex any more than older guys. We can't just say that's what they're like because they're 17, that's not a reason.
     
  4. Mr. McMarty

    Mr. McMarty Fapstronaut

    The older guys worrying about sex are nerds for lack of a better word. I agree with you. It would have best if people like me hadn't grown up with sex on the brain, but that was me. Now that I am married. I regret my past.
     
  5. Kizd4AFool

    Kizd4AFool Fapstronaut

    There’s nothing inherently wrong with sex. It’s a normal desire. Just like there’s nothing wrong with food. But become compulsive with either and it’s a problem. Healthy sex is normal.
     
    SanityOverVanity and Mr. McMarty like this.
  6. Abesnake

    Abesnake Fapstronaut

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    What a naive poster. LOLOLOL If you haven't noticed, humans are just horny little beasties and your opinions are pathetic. Age, race, gender, location, wealth or poverty are irrelevant about sex. Humans do it because they like it, and THAT IS ALL. You think to much.
     
    Get_It, GreenSwampGuy and Kizd4AFool like this.
  7. Lakeside

    Lakeside Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry you feel that way; but you are, of course, entitled to your own opinion on this.
    May I just ask though; if this is true:
    then what are doing on here? If sex is just something we do "because we like it, and THAT IS ALL" then what's wrong with P or M? After all, people do it coz they like it. Why seek to rid yourself of a perversion of the real thing if the real thing is just as meaningless?
    Just interested.
     
  8. Lakeside

    Lakeside Fapstronaut

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    I think the clear and obvious difference here though is that food is necessary to sustain life, sex is not. One can abstain indefinitely from sex, one can not do that with food.
    But just to be clear, I agree completely with your first point; there is nothing wrong with sex, in fact sex is a good thing; but it is good in the correct context.
     
  9. Because sex is everything in this society.
    A man who is not having casual sex may as well be a leper. The longer a man goes a virgin past 18, the less likely he'll succeed at anything that requires social interaction.

    Imagine if Donald Trump came out as a virgin (and that his kids were not actually his or whatever). Even among his most ardent supporters, he would go from hero to laughing stock with one simple word.

    Imagine if a "Chad" like Tom Brady or Lebron James came out and said they didn't have sex on a regular basis. Imagine the jokes that Stephen Colbert would tell.

    Even among the religious, a man who is not having constant sex is met with pity. Among the non-religious, his life could very well be in danger if it comes out that he's not having sex.
     
    Get_It and goodnice 2.0 like this.
  10. Abesnake

    Abesnake Fapstronaut

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    You haven't been reading the material on Nofap or you would understand the significance of the relationship between P and M&O. You would understand the severe side effects of using P and the effect is has on brain function. Google the relationship between dopamine and mental illness too.
     
  11. Kizd4AFool

    Kizd4AFool Fapstronaut

    Sex is defined as a biological need...to continue our species and to maintain intimacy in our relationships. Saying sex is not similar to food is a fallacy. Sex is not just penetration and done. Sex is the entire intimate act. While we can Survive on only one type of food (fruit) we thrive on a variety. Same for sex...while people survive with basic friendly intimacy we thrive on an entire intimate relationship.

    So yes if you consider sex just penetration and done it isn’t a need. If you consider it the entire range of intimacy then it is a biological need according to science. People that abstain survive on other intimate relationships (love)...
     
  12. GreenSwampGuy

    GreenSwampGuy Fapstronaut

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    While you might be technically correct that sex is not “necessary” in order to survive there are many things that people do that they can survive without. Having sex, for the overwhelming majority of people, is a quality of life issue. People with good sex lives are usually happier than people with bad/non-existent sex lives. It’s like with money. You do not need to have a lot of money simply to survive but being well-off financially makes your life significantly easier and more comfortable.
     
    Kizd4AFool likes this.
  13. Haha I agree 100%!

    We are just basic animals closely related to the Bonobos, who do it 24/7 no matter the age or gender or status haha
     
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  14. Lakeside

    Lakeside Fapstronaut

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    So your only objection to P is what an addiction to it will do to your brain? You don't have any problem with the nature of P itself?
    I only ask because I'm genuinely interested.

    So if we are just animals, is it perfectly fine for us to have sex "no matter the age or gender or status"? Because if you take that to it's logical end it leads to some quite disturbing conclusions.
     
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  15. Lakeside

    Lakeside Fapstronaut

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    I think we are sort of agreeing; the main point of my OP was to make clear the difference between what I consider to the ingredients for a fullfilling sex life as opposed to an unfulfilling one.
    Obviously what you consider to be the necessary ingredients may differ from what I listed, but I agree with the principle of your point. I don't mean to suggest that it's an ultimately good thing to abstain from sex, but rather it's a good thing to abstain from sex if it is not in the correct circumstances.
     
  16. Lakeside

    Lakeside Fapstronaut

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    I'm afraid I must disagree on a few points.
    Firstly, saying sex is not the same as food is 100% NOT a fallacy. There is clearly defined difference between them. Sex is necessary to continue the human race, but it not necessary to continue one human life. If you locked a person in a room without food, they would be dead in roughly a few weeks; if you locked them in a room without sex they could perfectly possibly live to a grand old age.

    Also, regarding sex and intimacy, yes sex is a very intimate act and there's more to it than just "penetration and done"; but very clearly it is not necessary for intimacy, it is simply one particular kind of intimacy. And let me be very clear that I think sex is a brilliant thing when used as the final step of an already intimate relationship (as a christian, I believe that is after marriage); I just don't think it works well in the long run outside of an already intimate relationship.
    Put it this way: sex is intimate, but intimacy is not sex.

    And may I finally point out that you say sex is a "biological need", but then in the next sentence you say people who abstain survive on other intimacy. So you seem to be contradicting yourself. If people can survive without sex that necessarily makes it not a "need" but simply a desirable thing (which is very different indeed).
    And let me be clear that I'm not advocating abstinance from sex; I'm advocating having sex within what I consider to be the correct context/circumstance (ie. an intimate relationship).
     
    H34rtBr0k3n likes this.
  17. No, I don't have a problem with P itself.

    You are right, I only have a problem with what P does to my brain. Just like I am concerned with what alcohol, cocain, heroin etc. would do to my brain.

    Why would it not be fine to have sex "no matter the age or gender or status"? As long as it is legal, where's the problem? The conclusions are definitely disturbing, but as we have been visiting pornsites frequently in the past, we know exactly what disturbing actions humans are capable of.
     
  18. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    I have not read every single answer people have come up with here. But will just put my opinion on to it.

    Well, some periode during the Nofap journy people will get a bit more horny. When not PMOing, they don't get the "release" which make them stop thinking about it for a little while.

    An other thing to mention is that we are humans. Humans does simply crave sex. It is because we want to reproduce. Thats just how we are. But at the same time, the reasoning and the idea about sex have changed a lot. Now many people have the idea that they need to lose their virginity before "X" age, or they will feel left out. I don't really know why people think that not being a virgin will change the world, but I guess it is because it is "cool" to have had sex. Specially at younger age. I felt the need to lose my virginity too before, but I waited until I found a girl I loved. And I am so happy that I did. (And I am not religios or anything - but to me it feels wrong).

    Also social media and other medias are full of sexual ideas and pictures which makes people think a lot about it. Social media often makes people want to "play on being sexy". Just look at instagram, a lot of people feel the "need" to be sexy on many of their pictures.

    I personally don't want to have sex with a person that I do not love. But yeah, I have felt urges towards a other women that I did not love, but I would never sleep with her. It have happend to me before, that a women wanted sex with me, but I did not want to - because I did not love her. It felt totally wrong for me.
     
  19. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    Please see my post addressing this
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/why-does-everyone-have-premarital-sex.249628/

    It’s funny because tom brady and lebron probably don’t have much sex, and have it much less than avg joe.

    That’s one of the reasons why they are so great. They know about sex transmutation and how it affects you and aren’t just having sex all the time.

    i’m saying that they CAN get sex whenever they want with whoever they want, BUT they choose not to. And that’s why they are great
     
  20. Get_It

    Get_It Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad there are still guys out there seeking to get laid rather than stay home and play video games or watch porn.
     
    TheProwler likes this.

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