Therapist session, Willpower/Reboot methods/moderation?

Hi there. So i decided to get some professional help, I had a video session with a therapist who specializes in this stuff. He recommended that I do the 90 day Hard mode reboot, which is apparently no sex, masturbation, porn, climax for 90 days. He also suggested that I block all porn off of my computer and quit porn for good after that.

...sooooo I dont really want toooo

basically, I have a different idea as to approach this whole thing. His method, is that if you have a problem, cut it off. Literally, cut it out of your life, look away at every chance, dont face it, just ignore it. Also, his idea is that I can never watch porn again since I am an addict.. Now I know this is an addict talking but, is it wrong to want to be able to watch porn in "moderation" and be able to moderate ones self and do it in a healthy manor? I dont think this is an unfair thing to ask...

Here's why. Ive been watching Ted X talks about addiction and porn, and from what I gather there may be other methods. One method is where instead of blocking it from your computer, you allow it to be there. When you get the urge you PRACTICE feeling the urge, allowing it to be there, taking a moment to not act and just observe your emotions, and then let go of the feeling and decide to do a different activity.

Is this harder? My guess is yes, its not just putting you in handcuffs, its forcing you to use and build WILLPOWER.

what do you guys think of this? I personally think its really dependent on the person, for myself, I believe im able to pull this off and not use software.

Moderation: Here's the other question I have. I know some say there is 0 benefit to porn, and that its evil, and just does damage to your brain... but you know what? so does alcohol and tobacco, and I like my occasional martini or glass of wine and I like having a cigar with my friend once a week and relaxing to a pipe.. these things have 0 benefit on paper, but they add to my life. period.

I view porn in very much the same way. Ideally, I would love to not be an addict anymore, to be able to control myself and limit more porn usage in the same way I limit my alcohol or sweets. Using judgement, or a strict once a week schedule, id like to be able to use porn.

Does porn add enough to my life to make it worth it? Maybe not, maybe its better just to quit period. Maybe Moderation just isnt worth it? Idk

Now, I am an addict with porn unlike with anything else in my life. I jerk off till it hurts and keep going, its doing damage to my relationship, and it gives me pelvic floor tension and guilt and makes me moody as hell afterwards. I'll be honest, In this condition, moderation may not look like itll work for me.

My goal as of now is to do the 90 days, but not of hard mode, I will not look at porn and I wont masturbate, but ill allow myself to have sex on occasion. After those 90 days, id like to reintroduce masturbation, and then porn. The goal is to just not be as fixated on porn as I am and not go to it to escape from life, but instead, when im feeling inspired, relaxed, and actually in the mood, not because im bored or anxious. I also want to practice proper masturbation technique, which I already know how to do, I just dont do it frequently.. this can actually help you last longer in bed.

This could be a horrible experiment, but theres no way that im alone in this. I dont know if this will work, but what are your thoughts? Id be happy to go more into my personal background with porn just to help give an idea. I am interested in hearing more about moderation, masturbation, and rebooting basics, and maybe get some opinions on my particular case... thanks!

 

i agree. its everwhere anyway so why bother blocking it. i prefer to build my willpower without the blocking software.

this is one of those things, that just cause your in a relationship, it doesnt change everything. yea, it is my main focus, but even when i was having the best sex of my life in college, i still used porn, but then it was in moderation and it was actually helping fuel my sex.

i agree with you, and i cant tell you how hard it is imagining myself without it. The reasons I want to moderate porn are this:

- currently, if I take my time with porn and dont rush masturbating, I can have a very successful session of practicing my stamina doing the stop start method. if I do this, I dont feel guilt afterwards, just more relaxed, and my sex even improves dramatically afterwards.
-The fact that porn allows me to see other women naked, even if it isnt real, there is a part of my brain which wants to be single again, soley for the desire of having sex with different women. i think this exists in every guy. porn I think can control those urges for me, and i wouldnt leave my great relationship to be so shallow anyway.

so... these things might sound rediculous I know, but im just being as honest as possible. i may not be able to moderate as i want to right now...

I do not want to be addicted to it, to need it when im depressed or anxious or bored, I want to change it in my mind to something that I do not go to for those reasons. I want to go to it ONLY under specific controlled circumstances.

thanks for the great reply

 

I hear ya, and understand what your saying, you also asked some really good questions that I should answer to help give a better idea of where im coming from.

"I think part of the reason why you think you can use it in moderation is the fear you have of not having it in your life anymore"

-true, ive been using porn since i was 15 or so, and safely back then.

"do you believe that without porn, your life will be somewhat empty?"

-no. not empty. i feel it will be alot like if i quit drinking wine. its nice for me, but not neccessary in life. however, id like to keep it in my life for once in awhile. idk if this makes sense?

"how will you fill the void that porn filled?"

-To me, sex isnt really a replacement for it. not entirely. i hope to have a little more of it, but not alot. I do hope however to have better sex by focussing more on then sensations. my replacement will be working out alot. atm i cant bc im going through 2 surgerys. ive worked out in the past a ton and cant wait to get back. If this is not enough I may need to try some meditation type activities.

"What will happen when you start to get bored of the categories you currently watch?"

-honestly im not too worried about this for myself. ive always had the same fantasys since the beginning, but thats just me.

I hope that answers some stuff, im aure i still sound like an addict and im sure i am, im just wondering if there are other ways/this can be worked with, or not. id like to get control of porn and myself, rather then cut it out entirely, but like u said, im already addicted