Thinking outside the box / Analytic approach

Discussion in 'Abstinence, Retention, and Sexual Transmutation' started by Stichting, Jul 17, 2021.

  1. Stichting

    Stichting Fapstronaut

    It is indeed true that you almost can not do anything about it anymore when you're about to relapse. But while there isn't an easy way known (yet) for stopping it at those very intense moments, it is fortunately helpful to focus on it during the moments around it.

    At those times during a relapse it often feels very hopeless like you have no control and it will keep continuing the rest of your life, making it feel more hopeless. Added to that the frustration that comes after a relapse.

    I think that is part of what it makes the abstinence seem so difficult and how it becomes a struggle for many. Because all that misery of no control and the relapse is what you don't want, it is where you focus on the most, while not realizing that the seed of the relapse is actually sown in the moments earlier when you had still control.

    Because of this, all of that difficulty of avoiding relapse and the frustration that comes afterwards has kind of a blinding effect.

    This brings me to the following. A chain of events in the mind leading to a certain action is of course way different than a mechanical one like a plane crash and the events leading up to it. The latter can be analysed and the cause determined, providing intelligence to decrease the chances of it happening again.

    While the two work very different, it doesn't mean you can't try the same method on a customized way for this problem. The same approach can be taken but then just on a different scale.

    Similar to the case of a plane crash for example, with actions you make, including having a relapse, it consists of multiple events leading up to it.

    In the case of relapsing, you obviously can't analyze it by literally looking at it. But what you can do, when you have time and a quiet place, is thinking deeply about what you remember of the feelings and thoughts that occurred beforehand and in what order.

    I both cases, for a human and a mechanical system, the last event before the disaster is the most difficult to prevent because all the previous ones have already happened, so it's hanging on a thin thread.

    For the plane it could be the final loss of control before hitting the ground, and similarly for the relapsing it is the last moment before releasing that is the most difficult to go back from.

    The very first chain of events on the other hand, is the most easy to deal with. A mechanical defect that can be repaired and a misleading thought at the moment you still were in a state of control.

    But that first event is also the most unlikely to be found on time while knowing that it is a danger. The defect is always discovered later and you didn't notice the first small derail of thought, or didn't think it could be of any concern. In both cases, it becomes more and more damaged and chaotic.

    In the one case it starts with a defect and the other with a wrong decision.
    Hero25 likes this.
  2. I think the main problem about relapsing is that people use porn when they relapse and thus losing any progress they might have made. When you feel a relapse is coming I am trying to stop fighting it. Because I know I will loose and end up watching porn.
    What I think is a good way of dealing with it is just to give in and masturbate to loose the sexual tension in your mind and body BUT don’t watch porn while doing it and DON’T THINK or FANTASIZE about sexual stuff that gets you off. Just masturbate with a blank mind until this becomes the norm in your brain. I think it is the only solution to get rid of porn.
    Also obviously you can’t do this everyday, if you can manage to masturbate without porn and without fantasy about 2 to 3 tiles a month I think you can cure of porn that way too.

    This is why I set my counter on meeting my owngoals. This is out of the box thinking from my part :p
  3. If you're saying you're about to relapse then that's true by definition and you've jumped ahead to a conclusion. If it's more likely because it is a strong urge or the mental aspect is compelling (NOT the same thing) then that's the qualification and it can be addressed depending on what's going on.

    Again there's a distinction, strictly speaking being hopeless is not a feeling - it is a mindset. That mindset combined with a strong urge and sense of powerlessness is obviously challenging. It's also unclear what you mean by "during a relapse" - are we talking about edging but not O yet?

    Thinking outside the box is actually not the same as an analytic approach either. I'm not sure but it sounds like maybe you are meaning outside the box in terms of outside that moment, that's not what that saying means. The "box" indicates a standard way of thinking and doesn't have to do with being limited to the context of the final situation either, the most general level basically just means a framework of judgment based on a set pattern. If someone really was thinking outside the box with PMO it might not make any sense and actually has no direct effect in taking away urges in the moment, but basically what might happen is they would try something new and it may derail the train of thought. Or it might be trying multiple things. (who said you have to do only one?)

    I think talking about the last event etc. is an assumption. If you don't end up PMO'ing, which may be unlikely but is always a possibility, then it could even be the FIRST event in the context of a new understanding, rather than the last just before relapsing.

    What IS true is you probably need to thinking about how to think outside the box to develop it as a skill before the moment of a strong temptation comes up. This effectively renders all "what I do is this" posts as in the box thinking, as if it's always going to work in every situation. That approach is formulaic and cannot deal with a new situation that may require a new solution. It takes no skill to always apply the same formula, a machine could do it better. It's the difference between repair by a manual vs. the approach of a character like MacGyver if anyone is familiar with that, basically a matter of jury rigging. If anyone is seriously interested, look up lateral thinking. The key thing to remember if nothing else is in the box thinking is always the same way, lateral thinking is a matter of looking for new ways.

    Funny thing about the repair analogy though is you're actually trying to prevent something from happening with PMO rather than fixing anything in the moment, which is at least in principal easier again as a matter of derailing it, think about that for a second.

    This also has to do with the social aspect of addiction recovery. Even if someone was to approach this in a more deductive way they might do something like compile a list of phone numbers of people they can call (NOT text, hiding from a human voice) at all different times factoring in time zone, but of course they have to actually take that action and call when they feel tempted. It the fact that another human being is a live element and not some presumably great "method" offered as a DIY guide on a post without possibly qualifying for different situations. But of course with that you have to actually be willing to make the call.

    Come to think of it, that might be a good qualification for someone that's a sponsee or even an AP. Anything less probably amounts to wasting each others time and effectively being addicted to forum posts while being aversive to live human interaction even if it helps a little bit.

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