I was around 14 when i first watched porn, i watched it a lot though i didnt realise how i could masturbate since im circumsised. Somehow i had been pulled towards bdsm, strapon porn and the likes. I lost my virginity at 16 and had regular sex with this girl for two years though i kept watching porn and i got deeper and deeper pulled into the rabbit hole. I came out with sissy porn eventually, videos with instructions, hypnosis etc. It began to lay a burden on my relationship as i sometimes while inside her imagined another guy inside her or me to stay aroused. She noticed this and thought i was cheating or not attracted anymore, either way eventually i confessed to her about womens clothes, that i liked wearing it. I had no idea where to start. She was furious but eventually was open-minded enough to try it once, together. It was a disaster, we both felt uncomfortable and our relationship was never the same again and we eventually broke up. This made it worse for me, cuckold and sissy porn began to rule my life, is started chatting online following instructions from random people on camsites or sending them pictures. The moment i found out my ex was on tinder i felt aroused about the idea that she was having sex with other men. I masturbated many nights imagening us together with her cheating on me and me serving her and her lovers. Eventually i got into a clean period where i managed to get another girlfriend, i really do love her and feel happier than i ever have but these urges keep returning and i don't want to waste another relationship over these fantasies. I'm trying nofap, my goal is to stop for 90 days, the only sexual interactions will be with my girlfriend, hopefully it will help me be a better man for her.
Welcome to NoFap. We are friends who are here to encourage you through your journey. Given your particular version of porn addiction, you have to be very careful being in a relationship, especially given the past relationship experience that you've mentioned. Throw away and delete all camming programs, cameras, peripherals, etc. Delete all of the P that you have from your computer and smartphone including the browser history and cookies. Identifying your triggers is very important. That activates the brain fog that draws you to P? Once identified, then begin the process of finding healthy ways of dealing with those stresses. Do not do as you've done in the past and introduce any facets of the idea of BDSM into this relationship. Take one day at a time and be patient with your journey.
Thank you for the support and tips, i am going to sleep soon so i can mark off one day clean. The usual triggers seem to be stress and even boredom, today i realised how much time i spend watching porn as i found myself with nothing to do at multiple occasions. I decided to pick up reading books again, i used to like that a lot so its a great thing to fill my days with. I am using the extension "blocksite" in my browser now, any keywords will take me to a picture of my girlfriend instead. The time i used to spend watching porn will go to my schoolwork, reading, sporting and any other hobbies i forgot i had. I hope to see results soon.
