I am a catholic female sophomore in college. I've been in the same relationship with a catholic guy for two and a half years. We've both been catholic since before the start of our relationship, so early on we decided to abstain from sex until marriage. We did, however pleasure one another, saying that it wasn't inserting sex, so, it was okay. A month ago he went on a catholic retreat and learned what PMO was and realized he had a problem. He told me he was starting a counter and wasn't going to self complete. I was completely supportive and ended up deciding to do the same. I then realized it was harder than I thought and I too, might have a problem. His first visit to my college dorm we ended up doing things together. I asked if that went against what he'd decided to do. I asked a couple times. He ended up regretting it and from then on we agreed to abstain from everything. I want to be the best me for him. I want our wedding night to be the most spectacular thing in the world, because it should be. I want to be able to be with him and not feel guilt. I want to wait for him. For him, for God, for me.
Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you. The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
I've got the Nofap app downloaded to my phone, and a bunch or displacement activities to do when the urge hits. I keep a calendar that I mark the days I succeed, and a count-up on my phone as well. I was 12 days strong when I signed up, but decided to reset the counter to the day I joined the website, so, since my joining six days ago, i'm still going strong.
My two biggest triggers are boredom and stress. Although I didn't realize it until coming to NoFap, almost every day during my first year of college I would wake up and M. With no set schedule or morning classes I would realize I had twenty projects, stress, and just want to "relax". Now that summer's rolled around, the boredom is setting in. My friends are in other states or still in high school session. I have nothing to do. I can only clean, do laundry, and wash dishes so much until the house is straightened. Then I try to have genuine innocent fun by watching youtube videos or drawing and sometimes my mind will drift and then start thinking in more detail. Boom. Urge hits. I'll end up thinking about what felt good in the past either to do to my boyfriend and about his expressions and pleasure- or what I liked him doing to me. Face palm. Stop thinking about that. Stomach nots up and starts to hurt because I've been avoiding doing anything. Deep breath- go to the NoFap app or website. Besides cleaning, straightening, reorganizing, and meeting with friends, what displacement activities do you do?
As for my goals, I don't care for porn- it didn't disgust me and sometimes I would look, but I could give it up and never look at it again and not care. No, what I struggle with is never O-ing. I've only been able to achieve an O once, and that was with the help of my boyfriend, before we grew closer to God and decided it was best to wait. That desire to achieve that sensation again is what messes me up a lot of the time. I would M trying to find that sensation or try something new to try to bring it on. For a long time before that first (and last) O, I thought I was literally broken and told my boyfriend that.
Chasing an orgasm is like chasing your last high. What you are not getting is not every way you can have an orgasm will lead to the same level of orgasm. The high you reached with your boyfriend wasn't only a physical action but an emotional and mental action. You've gotten hooked on achieving something by trying to achieve it the wrong way. It's not simply having sex either. That won't do it, necessarily. Being with someone who means something special to you physically, mentally and emotionally to the point where you aren't with him in a sexual way to achieve an orgasm but you're with him to share yourself with him. Spend this time changing how to see an orgasm so that when it's time and it does happen, it will be as fulfilling to you as the first one. That's my two cents, for what it's worth.
