Thought things were ok.

Well a week ago, my wife called me out about looking at porn and I lied, then finally fessed up. But I still lied. This morning I edged but for 5 minutes . So I didn't want to have sex tonight mainly because I'm really tired from work but I could have preformed. For the last week I thought things were cool. Tonight I am on the couch. I was honest tonight my wife says she is focusing on herself and our children. I do understand that she still stings from before and I understand. Tonight I emailed someone from an addiction meeting. I feel it's time. I feel like I just can't control myself and I feel like I can't do it alone. I always prepared myself for a day my wife went cold. I'm a lot better than I used to be. I used to watch porn everyday and materbate till I was raw, I would sext with other girls it was bad. I've come a long way to just relapsing here and there and it was rare. My marriage is falling apart, and my wife doesn't completely understand my addiction but I do understand how she feels but I feel I have problems controlling myself.

 

I've made it to day 100, it's really tough, on Sunday I'm going to go to a support group for this addiction. I emailed the guy who runs it, I'll call him tomorrow

 

You described it perfectly these urges hit and they drive me crazy to where I feel I have to get rid of it. I try really hard. I honestly don't know what's going to happen I never do. But I know that I need to go somewhere where I can talk to people like me. I don't have anyone I can really talk to about it. I do understand why my wife feels the way she feels and why she so hurt and angry. I just wish she understood how the urges feel to me and not just judge me. I'm a lot better than I used to be,but I need to reboot. I'm always ashamed and embarrassed to talk to someone in person about it but I know I need to fix myself even if my marriage can't be saved I need to do it. I love my wife with everything I have but I need more help than she can give me.

 

I honestly need to get past the urges, the feeling drives message crazy, i used to sext with girl, look at porn everyday and I would pmo all day on my days off, I've beaten all but losing the urge to masterbated. I will edge but I won't orgasm because I will eventually snap out of it and realize what I'm doing. I think overcoming the urges is going to be the toughest yet. Thanks for your advise and being straight forward with me. I don't have a lot of people I can talk too, and when this stuff hits I try to reflect and see what I can do to control it better