Ok, here I am. I'm 22 years old and PMO'ed since I was somewhere around 11 years old. It started with just M, I found out it was plessureble to do and started to do it more often and often. Then the magazines with sexy womans in underwear came in, and I was always looking for hot girls to store them in my mind and MO by fantasizing about them. I also did this with "real girls". When the internet came in it got worse. First the 18+ cartoon games caught my attention, that shit was realy exciting and I started M on that shit. Internet was coming up and became more populair and I started M on musicvideos with hot girls, later I discovered websites with pictures of naked womans, started jerking off on them, not realizing that this all would be very destructive... There came a point on where I couldnt get hard on the pictures of the naked girls anymore. I was doubting myself and got a bit anxious. Then "finaly" I discovered websites where I could get my hands on free P. I think that was at the age of 13. I didnt need the 'just naked girls' anymore, those free P website were much more satisfying and the diversity was extreme! Because of the P I could get a boner again. I thought that was a good thing, but the P I watched changed and got more extreme. At one point I realized that this whole watching P shit couldnt be good for me. When I was 16 I got my first real relationship with a cute girl, but I felt shame and guilt because of PMO. Relationship ended and I wanted to change myself and stop PMO, I definetly tried, but I couldnt, I was not strong enough and every time I relapsed. When I was 19 years old, this realy bad anxiety came over me. I didnt get in love whith, or even didnt feel attracted to girls anymore. Some thoughts like 'maybe I am gay' came up and realy scared me. This anxiety become worse and worse (HOCD). I started seeing a psychologist and that shit realy seemed to work. There were periods where I didnt even know I had an 'anxiety disorder' anymore and I felt 'normal'. Sometimes it came back, but most of the time not as extreme as it used to be. Somewhere on the internet I had read that PMO could feed the anxiety so I reduced the PMO part and life became better. I fell in love with a girl and we had sex like crazy, it was realy realy good and never had ED. (ofcourse we didnt have a relationship for sex only, but I think its relevant for now) Nevertheless there was often something eating at me, i did PMO from time to time and things got worse. Anxiety got worse and I was doubting my relationship with that girl, although she was realy beautiful and a very nice person. Eventually we broke up, I felt like I had to work on myself before I could have a good and stable relationship. After breaking up I felt a little better because I didnt had to have doubts about our relationship, but my anxiety got worse again and that wasnt part of the plan. TIME FOR CHANGE IN MY LIFE!! Its like 3 weeks ago that I prayed to God like: 'God, pls help me, if there is anything that I can do to reduce anxiety, or maybe things that I have to "not do", pls let me see'. The next day I literally woke up with the thought: I need to stop PMO! One day later I watched a musicvideo from rihanna and shakira on youtube that is basicly soft P and I saw a post of a Fapstonaut. That must be a sign! So I started NoFap, i'm 17 days in with ups and downs and flatlining right now so I decided to join NoFap so I can post my problems with it and get motivated by others and motivate others myself. Thats pretty much the story. I'm sure I forgot a lot of things to tell, like how many times a day I (P)MO'ed and much more complaints beside anxiety, but becouse English is not my native language, it costs me to much time and energy to write a perfect and detailed story of my PMO life. If things are not clear, let me know and I'll try my best to explain! For now, I'll continue my NoFap journey and I'm excited where it's going to lead... Thanks for listening (reading )!
