Time to change

[Emily]

I discovered masturbation at the age of about 5, and porn aged 11. I've always had a very high libido, especially for a girl, and spent a lot of valuable time everyday 3 hours+ masturbating for a long time. Luckily I was considered by my peers to be very "hot" because of my features that media currently portrays as beautiful, really all women should be called beautiful, but this was actually a curse because it made me arrogant. However porn had made my standards impossibly high and I would hook up with guys and treat them like shit and got a sadistic pleasure from not giving them what they wanted. Teasing, but never shagging. Having discovered porn at a young age, my categories quickly got more and more extreme. *relapse warning* Tease was quickly replaced with BDSM and eventually urine, prolapse, scat etc. I started getting pleasure from damaging others. Venting anger on others. Eventually I found myself acting out on myself. It got to the point where I was taking enemas on myself and smearing on me, while masturbating (gross, I know). I got more risky and would poop into my tights and use it as dildo, and much more extreme things that I feel ashamed to share. When I had searched "is masturbation bad" I got answers like its healthy, so I only got worried when one day my younger brother walked in on me doing something terrible that I can't share (by this time I was not closing doors because I liked the risky feeling) and he was extremely shocked, scared and started crying. After lots of searching online, I came across NoFap, read through lots of peoples cases and acknowledged I have a problem. I want help I feel like I've abused myself and others and I feel very guilty. I want to stop before my selfishness takes the better of me again.

 

[beauty]

Welcome! You have come to the right place if you are wanting to turn your destructive sexual habits around. Unfortunately, the way society portrays masturbation is to be completely normal and healthy- which it inherently is. However for many folks, this natural act can easily become warped and perverted upon mixing it with pornography.

I wish you the best in your journey.