To TSPorn and Beyond

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by aldebr, Jul 27, 2018.

  1. aldebr

    aldebr Fapstronaut

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    Hey folks, sorry if this post is overly similar to others. Basically same issue that I've seen others write about, starting out with really softcore material (my first favourite masturbatory material was a Britney Spears album cover that I stole from my sister!), before getting into porn. Wanked away happily (mostly to lesbian porn and pov (didn't really like seeing the man) until I was about 19/20 until that no longer did the job. Stumbled upon tranny porn and that really excited me but again eventually lost its luster and in the last couple of years introduced some same-sex fantasy when I was struggling to get there.
    This didn't particularly trouble me much at the time as I figured that it made sense that I'd need something novel to keep getting off. Plus the fact that my real-life experiences had and I suppose still haven't led me to question my sexuality. I've never been the most confident but I pretty much have had an intense crush on one girl or another though not a whole lot of actual experience. I currently have my first girlfriend, a really nice girl that I fell for straight away. The first time we tried to have sex I was too nervous to get an erection and I think it was this moment that moment that I really connected the porn I was watching and my struggle to get an erection and freaked out.
    There's a bit more but to cut a long story short, been obsessing over my sexuality since, told my gf that I was doubting myself (she's very understanding) and have seen a psychotherapist and a psychologist separately about this. Neither seem to think that I'm gay (nor does my girlfriend for that matter) but I'm keeping a more open mind right now.
    Anyway, why I'm here in particular is that I want to stop watching porn (both therapists advised this and it's something I realised is a problem for quite a while).
    So, I'd like to hear from any of you guys out there about how you distracted yourself from masturbating when you were particularly stressed and/or aroused. I'd also be very interested to hear about anyone that has had similar experiences to mine.
    I'm 26 by the way, free to ask me anything.
     
    STAR DUST likes this.
  2. Sad_but_true

    Sad_but_true Fapstronaut

    @aldebr hello and dont worry about your post being similiar to others, Im not sure everyone on here reads every post speaking for myself I haven't but Ive read a bunch on different subjects and this will be the first in a while where I reveal a bit more about myself. I had been using pmo for a long, long time having not developed proper socialization skills from my parents. That is not to say I didnt have girlfriends, experiment and eventually try marriage not once but twice the second having ended only recently. In my time of pmo addiction, it ruined my ability to be intimate and led me down darker and darker paths or different and more different paths where I questioned my sexuality. And here is what I can honestly say about what I feel Ive learned: if you continually use pmo you will need to substitute one subject after another until you wind up in places you never thought you would go to. Im not saying that I dont think I might have some bi tendencies, but Ive looked at a lot of stuff and I dont seek that out in real life. I really enjoy sex with a beautiful woman and for me there is no substitute for that. For others maybe not. I commend you for trying the therapists to dig deep, but if you really were inclined to that type of person/persons I believe you would be seeking them out, not therapists to answer your questions about what you like. I also commend your girlfriend for being confident in her sexuality to not be intimidated by your curiosity or hurt by it. Since you are here and want to make an effort please read up about pmo addiction and learn about how pmo affects the brain and body and self esteem. There is an email in your inbox which should help you with that info. Try starting a journal so you can catalogue your thoughts and feelings and learn about what triggers your pmo so you can avoid it. Try a reboot where you abstain from sexual behavior for 90 days, if the pmo has effected your performance the reboot should help with that. Get rid of websites on your computer, videos, video clips, images whatever you may have around. Take some cold showers, and when you feel those urges go for a walk, run or go to the gym. Avoid the computer if you need to and catch up on some chores. Spend some time on here welcoming newbies and share some of your success tips with others that should at least be a few things to start on, good luck on your journey!
     
    Sam_ba and aldebr like this.
  3. aldebr

    aldebr Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your reply. It's good to hear from someone that can relate to some extent. Have you managed to eliminate porn from your life? Whatever else, that is one thing that I want to leave behind me. And as for my performance with my girlfriend, I'm currently recovering from a frenuloplasty. I don't know if you know what a frenulum is but it's basically meant that having anyone other than me touching my penis has been quite painful. Understandably this has fed into my insecurities but again my gf has been very understanding and we're waiting until I've a healthy penis to have sex. In the meantime, having got over the nerves, I have almost constantly been hard when with her (in the bedroom or not) and have had no problem masturbating myself to orgasm while watching her touch herself. I also really enjoy licking her out, that something I don't think I could ever give up! Despite my turmoil right now, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to do that if I was gay... though again I'm keeping an open mind.
    Constantly thinking about it is my biggest issue and I've been going through a cycle of not masturbating for a few days, then checking if I can masturbate to somethibg straight (solo female, lesbian porn/erotica etc.) which I generally can... but then the cycle of escalating porn starts again and it's not something I want to go through once more. And I've noticed that no matter what I masturbate to, instead of reassuring me it has just made me more anxious...
    For that alone I'm determined to leave porn behind this time and I appreciate your helpful advice.
     
  4. Sad_but_true

    Sad_but_true Fapstronaut

    @aldebr when you insert an "@" before someones name it gives them a heads up that youve written to them. Yes at the moment its been at least 99 days as of today since I looked at any porn. My motivation was different my wife has left me after many years of a disfunctional unhappy marriage. But it forced me to face my addictions of both "drugs" and "porn" and even "food" if I think about it. I have been doing a triple threat approach to deal with my addictions NA, NoFap, and a therapist and believe it or not I find the therapist the least helpful. Holy Cow, I dont know why you needed the frenuloplasty but I gotta give your girl props for hanging in there she really sounds like your "someone special". I really think you should stop with the mo and the pmo though... for petes sake you are recovering from that surgery and while you are still moderately young... p-i-e-d can happen at any age. I think a reboot might help you build your ego and stamina and who cares what internet crap turns you on you have the "real thing" and you can lose it if you dont do the right thing. After ninety days you will be ready to have some good times with your girl(if you can wait that long). I think you are doing a bit of overthinking about the subject and if you are fapping alot you are not thinking clearly. Its like using curse words, if you curse all the time they lose their meaning. Think about the "good stuff" you can enjoy when youre not looking at porn and take the time to enjoy it...
     
  5. aldebr

    aldebr Fapstronaut

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    @Sad_but_true Sorry about that, still figuring out the format here. I'm sorry to hear about your wife but I hope that happier times are ahead. And 99 days is great going, congrats.
    And you're right, I definitely need to stop the PMO right now! And the over thinking, though the more I try to not think about something, the more I think about it.
    I'm more just trying to focus on not masturbating today, and I'll have the same focus tomorrow. If I manage that enough days in a row I'm sure that things will be much clearer to me.
     
    Sad_but_true likes this.
  6. Sad_but_true

    Sad_but_true Fapstronaut

    @aldebr that is the key note right there - you just hit it "stay in the day" and things will improve over time. Thanks for your sympathy it does mean a lot when people show compassion. I had to do my thing just for me, and thats the only thing I have control over. You seem like you have a good positive attitude and that is also important, sometimes we slip just get back up and keep trying till you get where your wanna go.
     
  7. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    You hav new gf so that is a good place to start for energy. Learn about and apply sex transmutation. Get involved in some programs and organizations on campus! You will be fine transmute your energy to rise to the top!

    Your Friend STAR DUST
     

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