Trapped in the cycle

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Darf-ulkjer, Jul 28, 2018.

  1. Darf-ulkjer

    Darf-ulkjer Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,
    I need your help. I'm trying to quit PMO for about 2-3 years and almost never get past 1-2 weeks without it. The longest streak i ever had was 6 weeks when i was OBSESSED with a girl i was unhappily in love with.
    After i finally quit chasing her, i quit a lot of unhealthy habits as well, first and foremost smoking (we smoked a lot of cigs together at work), eating way too much meat/ drinking soda and so on, doing drugs (in the year of despereatly chasing her, i tried almost every drug there is exept opiates/meth. I never was addicted to any of those but i did some crazy things in Berlin techno clubs).
    It took me a while till i quit weed as well (although it made me paranoid already for a long ass time and i somehow compulsively smoked when smbdy lit a Jay), but i did that just recently, not missing a thing.
    I started seeing a therapist and doing Sports even when i was still obsessed with her, and in the process of quitting all those things, i started eating healthy, meditating, drawing, doing music.
    At that time, i didn't know what i wanted to do for a living/what studies i want to begin, which was a HUGE problem for me and the main topic of my therapy.
    So i did some internships and now my goal is to become a Music Therapist.
    A few days ago, i was accepted at this Music College, and everything looks fine.
    BUT STILL, i don't manage to quit PMO.
    At the very moment, i cannot do 2 Days without it, and i feel so trapped.
    Maybe at the moment, it's because i'm not living a everyday life but rather celebrating that i was accepted at the music college, drank some beer the last few days, didn't really meditate, but also i'm kinda enjoying this lazy lifestyle at this very moment.
    Maybe i just need to focus on my goals and socialize again, rather than focusing on quitting porn, which is the thing that keeps me from reaching my goals. Everything you focus on, you attract.
    I bought some wood and stuff for my homemade electric bass. This could be my project to focus on. Also finally meeting new people/girls. I'm 22 yo virgin, so i have a huge problem with beeing desperate and stuff.
    Anyways, though i fapped just before writing this, hitting up the gym in one hour, going out tonight, writing down all this felt very therapeutic.
    Be safe!
     
    STAR DUST likes this.
  2. RememberAndRegret

    RememberAndRegret Fapstronaut

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    Hello and welcome to NoFap! I sort of understand your struggle, I tried to break free of this addiction on my own for a couple years, but I never really committed to that goal until I found Your Brain on Porn and NoFap. Then I realized the extent to which this addiction ruins a person's life, manipulating and twisting their desires and brain, making everything in life more empty and unhappy, along with the brain fog and other side effects. As for you struggling, I think most of it might be in your head, as, while I am in no way qualified to judge you, it seems like you can quit this like you did smoking and drugs. Trying to distract yourself from urges is helpful, yet you should to resolve to finally quit this poison and push through the urges with prayer/meditation, exercising, and going to a public place. Sorry for the late reply, and stay vigilant!
     
  3. Darf-ulkjer

    Darf-ulkjer Fapstronaut

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    Hey thanks for the reply.
    Yeah, i actually read about nofap and yourbrainonporn 3 years ago, so thats the way i realized my issue too.
    I also just read cupids poisoned arrow, great stuff, so i don't lack information in theory.
    What exactly do you mean by this? I somehow feel that my whole struggle with Porn is somehow a mechanism to keep me in the vicious circle of PMO. A good example for this are feelings of regret after i relapsed. The more i regret it, the more likely i will binge.
    Today i relapsed, but didn't regret it, i feel good at the moment. Do you think there are times where it is not appropiate trying to quit? The last few months were pure horror in that respect, alternating between feeling like a zombie in the first 2 weeks and feeling SO FUCKIN AWESOME after you finally made it to the positive effects of Nofap while relapsing shortly after this, makes me feel bipolar. Pure samsara.
    most of the time i relapse when i don't have strong urges. I can handle urges, i chop off my hand for no reason.
    I also find it very hard to quit with my “willpower“, my ego so to say.
    My other Addictions/bad habits just disappeared naturally, i didnt have to put any effort into quitting smoking to be honest.
    When i tried to do that, i failed every time.
    I only quit in my lowest point in my life, when i was so frustated that i finally GOT IT.
    But that means that i can't neither try to quit with my concious willpower, nor can i be lazy and just fap till i feel miserable enough that the felt frustation is enough to provoke that moment of grace/ turning point, which would be another unconcious attempt to quit with willpower, by actively doing nothing so to say.
    Maybe there is NOTHING i can „DO“?
    Doing smth against the addiction, is maybe just a waste of time, maybe i should just drop it.
    Drop it, let it go, start something entirely new.
    Anyways i'd love to hear thoughts/opinions, it feels great to join the community after such a long time, reflecting on it really helps already and i appreciate it very much that someone takes the time and just reads/listens.
    Cheers!
     
  4. RememberAndRegret

    RememberAndRegret Fapstronaut

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    Probably should of clarified further, I think that like your other addictions, you can get through this one if you treat it the same way you did for the others. Given, this may not relate as much to those and behaves different, but you figured out a way from the others, so I'd assume you could strategize a way out of this one too. As for your regret piece, one of the strategies many people have tried here is to just "let go" of their addiction and not acknowledge it controlling them, shaming them, etc... But this does not mean give up, you just need to find how porn is ruining you in practice right now, and use that to help you, and visualize how that will lead you to ruination and more misery. Giving up now will make it harder later, and you obviously understand the damage it can do over long periods of time, so I'd highly encourage sticking with NoFap and reaching out for help across the forum, as I don't have all the answers.
    Best wishes.
     
  5. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    I was stuck too there is hope I am now free 9 months you can do it
     
    Darf-ulkjer likes this.
  6. fireblaster

    fireblaster Fapstronaut

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  7. Darf-ulkjer

    Darf-ulkjer Fapstronaut

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    Thank you guys.
    Logged in today, after quite some time,
    didn't really expect anything, and getting support by strangers, basically, feels kinda awesome.

    Thank you man. Sometimes you just really need to hear smth like this, simple stuff.
    You know, i've got nobody to talk, all my friends don't think very highly about Nofap/are very poorly informed, but i started to contact a expert on porn addiction just today, hope it works out!

    Yeah thx man, good stuff, i'm basically very well informed about the neurological research on porn/sex/drug Addiction and i don't really read those things when i'm sober cause it rather causes me more likely to be relapsing, but yeah man, never tried to read science when i experience an urge, thank you man!

    See ya
     
  8. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    good job
     

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