Ups and Downs

Yesterday's first reading and our Priest's sermon is on my mind as I think about your note. Acts 15:1-2,22-29.

It seems that some Christian leaders in Antioch (approximately 400 miles north of Jerusalem) took it upon themselves to tell their followers that they must be circumcised (and presumably follow other tenants of the Jewish law) in order to be saved. This created a big controversy and a delegation was formed and tasked with journeying to Jerusalem and consulting with the Apostles. This resulted in the first major council on policy in the church. The apostles stated " It has been decided by the Holy Spirit and by ourselves not to saddle you with any burden beyond these essentials: you are to abstain from food sacrificed to idols; from blood, from the meat of strangled animals and from fornication. Avoid these, and you will do what is right."

Note that fornication features among these four basic things. Personally, I am not cut out for a life of celibacy (and I suspect you aren't either), although priests and certain others are called to do so. Assuming that is true, there are only two answers to your question that are in keeping with the faith. One, marry your girlfriend or two, stop seeing her all together. Denying yourself and your girlfriend sex, now that you have experienced it, doesn't seem feasible and of course continuing to have sex with her, outside of marriage, doesn't meet the conditions of our faith.

 

I don't suggest everyone should follow my example but my wife was 18 when we married and I was 19. That was over 40 years ago. I know that I am very blessed because there are many considerations to marriage that did not cross our young minds then but all we knew was that we loved each other and did not want to be apart. Although I recognized then that is was sinful, we had copious premarital sex and I doubt anything could have stopped us. Fortunately, we were both Christians (and she later converted to Catholicism). During the difficult times over these many years it was our faith that kept us together and today I can say without reservation that I am deeply grateful for that.

God is the third member of a Catholic marriage and certainly He has been in ours despite my sinful ways. If your girlfriend also has faith then it is likely your marriage will be equally blessed.

PS at age 19, I was lazy and not destined for success. The responsibility I felt after getting married changed me greatly and I went on to earn an engineering degree which set me up for a successful career. My marriage has been good for me in many, many ways.