What are your experiences with depression? On and off NoFap.

I have had terrible struggles with depression. Thoughts of suicide, major escapism were all part of my daily life. I didn't even know I had it for a while. But, once I found the internet and start researching I noticed I was seriously depressed. My story starts when I was 12/13 and I moved from my hometown where I lived for all my life. I started getting depressed. I was kind of a late bloomer and I found porn then. It was my great escape, I would escape for hours. The normal 13 year old was not using as much as I was. Then, I noticed that I was very sad all the time and I have only had one friend in that city at that time. And, I never hung out with him after school or anything. I found NoFap later that summer. I have been doing it for 1 1/2 years almost, and haven't had much success but I am doing a lot better now. A few weeks ago, I had a MAJOR depressive episode, I was just playing video games and all of a sudden the depression hits me and I couldn't control my tremendous sadness. At one point I was just sitting in the bathtub thinking about drowning my self. That was probably the closest I got to suicide. Depression is one cold hearted bitch with a 10 inch strapon. As a factor, I have TERRIBLE memory. I cannot remember shit. I barely remember my childhood or my years after 13. I loved escapism, those were my happiest moments. I used to watch shows for hours and hours on end. Dexter was my favorite.

My conclusion: As I do NoFap my depression gets better that does not mean its a cure. It's simply means that depression could be blocked out in the early stages of NoFap due to all of the pleasure centers reforming/rebuilding.

Also, I had depression before NoFap and porn addiction made it worse. So, that means there could be more to come.

Don't commit suicide. There's people that love you.