A few years ago I lost 50 pounds. I went from technically obese to smack dab in the middle of my height weight chart and I've stayed here for three years. That is really unusual, like one in ten thousand. So I applied what I learned from weight loss and here is the program I've come up with that I can stick with the rest of my life. There are four rules, iron clad, that I will not break. One, no porn. I can watch Game of Thrones, but I cant watch porn. Two I can masturbate three times a week, on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Three: Only at bedtime and Four: No edging. Dont even start telling myself I'll quit before Im finished because theres a very good chance I wont. Ive been meditating, working out, doing yoga, taking cold showers... but all of that is just best practices. The four rules are a contract I've made with myself. And just like in law, it has to be really clear when Im breaking the contract. It turns out we judge ourselves the same way we judge other people. If we make ourselves a promise and continually break it, we start to think of our selves as untrustworthy. So I'm not making myself any promises I cannot keep FOR GOOD. I've done this for two weeks. There have been DOZENS of times I felt stressed or bored and had to remind myself not to wank because it wasn't time yet. It feels good to know I'm in control - and in control of the one thing I really have control over... my own decisions and urges! But now I feel like I have a spring in my step, I started taking yoga to teach myself how to get in touch with my body and Im meeting lots of women this way, before long I'm sure Illl be dating one of them. Thank you NoFap for getting my mind thinking this way. If anyone thinks this approach will work for them, I'd love to hear your progress.
I made this experience myself, too. I told myself what awesome things I would do all the time, only to disappoint myself over and over and over again to the point where my self-respect was barely existing. I'm a little bit better now, but not really. I think your ruleset make sense from the outside and I think sticking to your own rules for a while, makes you gain confidence in yourself, which directly translates to doing other things as well, which are benefitial, am I right? I guess it's like a positive spiral upwards. The only "problem" I think I woud have with this approach is, that I'm unsure if I would be able to stick to my own rules long term. I guess sooner or later, I would say things like "I deserve this as a reward now" to myself and actually believe it. That happened before in some other context. Anything specific you do in order to avoid that? And do you have any rules for when you break one of your rules?
Yes! When you break a rule, you have to get back on track as soon as possible. But its best not to break them. Ever. Thats why I dont think this is anything I cant handle. I really do not see a 90 reboot as realistc. But three days, going from Friday to Monday is something I can will myself to do. And the more you do it, the less willpower it takes, until its handled by a different part of your brain, the same part that brushes your teeth. If you got a phone call with the absolute worst terrible news you could image, something that threw your life into disarray, you'd still brush your teeth tonight. Its nust a habit that doesnt require willpower. Thats the point I want to get to with this
I like this idea a lot. It's rigid enough to keep you on track, but generous enough to actually be achievable. I think that combination makes it a great way to build healthier habits. Personally, I'm much more worried about porn and all the time it consumes than I am about masturbation itself. Your plan seems like a great way to create the type of habits I'd be okay with. I'm going to try it, and I'll let you know how I do! Thank you for sharing such a simple-but-wonderful idea.
Everybody has different story to tell and might need a bit different approach. Whatever works for you, is good for you. Progress has many faces. And I agree that it is the edging which is most dangerous kind of sexual behaviour.
Please, for God's sake, keep religion out of here. NoFap is not an acceptable place to convince users to join your religion. Unless if you’re sharing your own personal story within your own personal journal thread, submissions should be secular so that users from all backgrounds can benefit from it
