When PMOing is just a consequence..

Theo08 · Nov 12, 2019

Hi everyone. Im Matteo, a 25 y.o. engineering student.
Engineering in italy is composed by 3+2 years of studying, the first 3 years are like the basics and rest of 2 years are like the specialization if you want to do it. YOu basically start at 19. Im at 25 and i still didnt end my 3 years of basics.
The reason is simple, i never got to choose my way when i was 19. I was leaving a mechanical school so my parents convinced me that this was the best way. My family was not swimming in the gold, so this was also their attempt to give me a better life then their one. I wanted to do the art school, i tried to say that to them but the response was: "You will not have any future as an artist.".
That ended istantly the discussion. So i began my engineering study.
I miss 7 exams to the deegre. Im not even sure i will do the specialization, i feel in late.
The only thing that is pushing me is the faith my gf have in me and the fact that last year i passed one of the most important exams at the second attempt. So i said to my self: "maybe its a sign, i have to end this and then i will be able to do what i like."
I still think that, but theese years have been really cruel: the costant feeling im late, the divorce of my parents , the needing for money to pay taxes that forced me to loose 2 years for work, etc...
All of this weighed hardly on my self-esteem and on my porn addiction.
I needed to exhaust, at some point not even my lovely gf was helping me anymore. Even now the stress is hard, cause with the money i raised i can pay taxes for one year and a half i think, and i still have those f***ing 7 exams to do. All of this while i see people around me graduating. Its frustrating. That's also why i decided to start rebooting, cause porn addiction is killing those last vibes of force of will i have right now.
Sorry for the long post guys, i just need to know if anyone is my situation and can give me tips. I would even like to find an accountability partner in my same situation. Thank your for your reading, good day to all!

Theo08 · Nov 14, 2019

Is really no one in my same situation?

Deleted Account · Nov 14, 2019

i'm a law student. this is my third time switching careers and having to go back to school. i have debts i have to pay off for student loans and credit cards. i also still have to work while going to school full time. my time is so valuable to me and i've been wasting so much of it on porn and jacking off. i'm trying to have the discipline i need to to become a lawyer. it takes a lot of effort to change a habit that you have spent years reinforcing.

i'm trying to be honest with myself during this process. accept the fact that i'm sure i will fail at some point. but as long as i keep going that's all that matters. thinking about nofap has been taking up a lot of my mental energy recently, but i think that's because in some ways it is filling in the gap that porn used to fill.

i'm trying to just keep it simple. one thing at a time. when mind is getting the best of me and i feel like i'm going to mess up, i try to just do simple tasks, like chores, tidying the house, running errands, or spending time with my pets.

i am new to this, so i can't say i have all the answers. the biggest thing i think has been helping with me is trying to reduce or eliminate my internet behavior that put me in an automatic mindset, like scrolling endlessly on facebook, reddit, or instagram. i feel like that mind is the same mind that porn would get me in. so i put some content blockers on my phone. and deleted those apps. so if i want to go on my social media, i have to do it through my computer. that has helped a lot. social media is a lot less potent of a temptation for me on the computer.

just be kind to yourself. and be reasonable with your expectations. you've spent a lot of time practicing your porn and masturbation habit. you will have to spend a lot of time undoing it.

Theo08 · Nov 15, 2019

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Ill keep in mind your tips, those are really helpful. In fact when im bored from the studying i spend a lot of time on the internet, maybe i should transform this bad habit. Ill try to do that, thank you again!

Saurav04 · Nov 19, 2019

I read your story. Just think this way are you sure you are not dumping all your stress and helplessness by switching to porn. No doubt whenever I am in stress I just see porn and the dopamine rush feels like everything is good and as soon as you come out of the PMO cycle. You will feel the problem is still there. I am also not been able to completely leave PMO but I always feels like it was my mistake.
Talking about your gf any girl don't want her bf to fail or addicted to other things. No one in life will stay forever with the person who do not take care of his life seriously. Ask yourself if you have a chance to redo the life again I mean born again from age 0 wouldn't you do that, then why your gf can't leave you. Someone told me be an adult you can't go to PMO whenever you are stressed just fight it (the stress and problems). I am not an expert but whoever is there trying to leave PMO I just wish them luck including myself. Let's all grow up things will be fine. Just Imagine if you complete your degree even if you don't like and got good job then good salary your life will be good. You just have to spend 40 hours in work but you will still have 128 hrs per week to do anything. I know it's very hard when parents believe in you and trying there best to give you best life and you fail there is guilt and pain. Fight over it.

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When PMOing is just a consequence..

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