I see all those guys saying that within a week without porn they already feel happier, with more energy and will to talk with girls. I don't feel anything different. I'm not in a hurry, but goddamit HOCD can't leave me alone. I want to focus on other things but HOCD is just punching me all day. Maybe this is slowing things down but I test 1~3 times a day. Throughout the day it really depends on how hard the HOCD hit me, but I always end up test something, even when I don't want to, when I'm going to sleep. I always try to think the most exciting thing ever with a girl and see the boner, and then barely think about gay-thing and get the same (or maybe even a bigger) boner. "It's the porn if I abstain from it long enough......" I repeat this to myself the whole day. And the HOCD hitting hard. I see an attractive guy I keep looking to see if I'm attracted and maybe I really am, I can't tell. I see an attractive girl, I try to force attraction but I don't think it's working. It's not the sexdrive that makes me want to watch porn. It's the HOCD, if this reboot is going to take months, I need something to hold myself together. Can't trust my feelings because HOCD twisted them, can't trust my penis because porn twisted it.
A bit more than 2 weeks away from the porn I used to watch. Almost a week ago I relapsed (because of the very same reason I specified on the topic) and fapped to some pictures. 1 week then. It's not much but I can't focus on doing the things I have to, just majorly depressed about this stuff, this is the biggest problem, I've no determination to do anything whatsoever, just keep thinking about this. Almost like I was taken hostage of my own thoughts.
Everyone has been affected differently; severity of addiction and symptoms range from person to person so don't compare yourself to others. I myself never notice any change until around one month into my Hard-mode streak.
Relapsed again. I woke up feeling sick and after my stomach rejected the breakfast I decided to stay home in the bed. Spent the whole morning thinking about everything that's happening. I thought of me M another guys dick and it turned me on, but in a different way. It looked like it was genuine arousal. I went to google and started reading, then I got into a page where they were posting porn videos.. I clicked out of curiosity but nome of them were of my taste. But my brain kept telling me that I had just relapsed and now the counter was 0 so I should just watch porn and start again and that's exactly what I did... For the third time. 1 month has passed already and all I could do was barely a week without porn. At least this means that I'm really addicted. But 1 month spent for nothing. While I was searching, someone said that getting turned on by big dicks was normal even for straight guys, but wanting to hand and play them was gay/bi. Now I'm worried.
2 weeks is a start. Stop looking at shit on the internet. It's going to take months like previous guy said.
That month wasn't for nothing. Even a week without P helps. Don't worry about what people say on the internet. The internet isn't known for its factual accuracy.
