Whey i did this

Let me give you a background of my thread excuse my English,it is going to be lengthy
Was an excellent student throughout ,born and brought up in a middle-class family in Punjab Pakistan , used to love read books used to take part actively in General Knowledge quizzes,never had a chance of experiencing porn and related stuff never. Would say prayers 5 times regularly and it was the best time . memory was sharp as an elephant never had any problem comprehending any concept in any subjects Even did not have a mobile .i got mobile when i was 19 ,got excellent grades and ended up in medicine and now ride to the downfalls starts shifted to hostel and started watching porn first accidently my mind was just blown away never i have ever experienced this kind of tingling sensation between my legs eyes wide open . I used to watch softcore movies of hollywood aur movie sex scences and day after day i was hooked like crazy hooked .as i mentioned my memory was sharp actresses name was on fingertips i became 2 faced. My friends never knew i became secretive isolated.Never watched hard core never only softcore scences in movies. And i fell into the pit and started masturbation and my energy started to drain it was like 5 or 6 times in a week , all goods things i had was lost and i failed my first professional exam in vivas why because porn created havoc to the memory so was demoted somehow managed to pass but i could not stop myself and continue PMO'd , in meantime my mother got the diagnosis of CA parotid a salivary gland malignant tumors only 5 percent tumor of your salivary gland are malignant which makes its very rare to have such Kind of malignancy in short mother went through a hell lot of pain but met his demise in 2014 was devastated losing my mother in such age was a blow had a very very close relationship with mother. All these incidents created an add on effect and result failed again in viva cleared my theory exams easily but in viva my confidence was shattered topics i mastered i could not retain them on verbal command demoted and again passed some how,in 3rd year i became serious in studies masturbation was now not frequent but it was there a soon on Sundays watching some seasons or movie semi nude comes and my fantasies went wild resulted in masturbation 4 to 5 times a week but softcore scences had lasting effect... Time flies passed 3rd yr easily was over the moon in comes 4th year i was happy but softcore qnd jerking off it never stopped again mind you only softcore not the categories these cesspool of shit mentioned on their sites fast forward i was having best night because i nailed my special pathology viva examiner a highly reputed pathologist was impressed and i was helping my buddies in viva voce like 3am got call from brother that father had cardiac arrest and died on spot i became senseless and my last hope my last powerhouse was not there any more. All the things became meaningless boring and abhorring... I passed my final year and started doing House job did excellent qas praised by my senior for my dedication doctor patient ethics bed manners i shone in every prospect of my House job met a girl in house job was head over heels in love with her and she was also in deep love but ended the things because her elder sister did not approve and threatened her to tell parents about it . And result you know more and more masturbation and house job finished came home got a job . Job was easy and i had 4 days off and you know what would have happened..... Fast forward to 2021 2022 i PMO'ed on newer movies and old movies with taboo subjects hooked to imdb went through all websites that contained these subjects and these movies contained enough material so that i could satisfy myself literally all the movies in the past having softcore sceny and themes and i experienced PIED .... struggle through out 2022 masturbation was not frequent but i would watch these softcore movies and with stroking i would keep my penis erect with out O or Orgasmed after one hours of softcore scences in movies.comes 2023 January, i became determined and watched YT videos got here and started No PMO . My story is a perfect example how not to waste the talents given to you Almighty. I was fortune enough to be smart and sharp but was more unfortunate to make my self fall into this shit... I never have sexual intercourse with any female i did not like to engage with them all i liveed through was softcore movies . But i m hopeful that i will recover insha'Allah today is day 15

 

U are welcome bro... It just demolished my self esteem. Innocent exploration ended in addiction which i never knew would become so damning... But let bygones be bygones... Here is the chance and i thank you too for opening your side of story . I am gonna to eliminate this shit once for all