Why do married/cohabiting people indulge in Porn?

Fallen Angel Moopi

Fallen Angel Moopi

Fapstronaut
Hello brothers, excuse my naivety. But I had this question in my mind for quite a long time, and it seems a good place to ask this one.

From my question you may guess that I am not myself married or committed. For me, indulgence in porn should be a thing of single people who do not have much opportunity of sex - so what they cannot get in real they look into screen. Indeed, porn has only that much value for me. But what purpose porn serves to married people other than mere entertainment? I mean who plays with a toy car when he does have a real Audi!

Respond as you'll respond to your younger brother. Thanks!
 
It is an addiction, so it doesn't have logic involved. The person addicted just feels like they need to indulge in their addiction (in that case porn) otherwise the body craves for that specific feeling.
People who were hooked to porn before getting into a relationship are the ones who suffer from that problem. Maybe people who never used porn and got into a relationship, after a lot of time doing sex with the same partner (explained in science as the coolidge effect, see Gary Wilson videos about porn addiction) may get less and less pleasure from real sex with that same partner, so the easiest option for them is to start again the porn addiction, because of the variety of porn stars, new fetishes one can get access too.
Hope that explained your curiosity well.
 
swordmaster said:
It is an addiction, so it doesn't have logic involved. The person addicted just feels like they need to indulge in their addiction (in that case porn) otherwise the body craves for that specific feeling.
People who were hooked to porn before getting into a relationship are the ones who suffer from that problem. Maybe people who never used porn and got into a relationship, after a lot of time doing sex with the same partner (explained in science as the coolidge effect, see Gary Wilson videos about porn addiction) may get less and less pleasure from real sex with that same partner, so the easiest option for them is to start again the porn addiction, because of the variety of porn stars, new fetishes one can get access too.
Hope that explained your curiosity well.
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Novelty is the key. Hmm

From your writing I also get the impression that addiction of porn is a clinical situation. Is it recognized as such? What if it is left untreated?
 
Moopi said:
Novelty is the key. Hmm

From your writing I also get the impression that addiction of porn is a clinical situation. Is it recognized as such? What if it is left untreated?
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The neurologist Gary Wilson is the pioneer of stating that porn addiction is a real addiction just like any other. Some recent knowledge, which you can look up, say that porn addiction provides the same amount of dopamine as heroine or cocaine. Sure, not as fatal as them, but the same level of dopamine rushes.
If its left untreated, people can have sexual problems such as erectile disfunction, and even deny their own sexual orientation. For example, an heterosexual person turns into a homosexual because of burnout in getting excited with so many different females that starts to like people of the same sex. A lot of people has that problem with porn nowadays, it is called HOCD.
 
swordmaster said:
The neurologist Gary Wilson is the pioneer of stating that porn addiction is a real addiction just like any other. Some recent knowledge, which you can look up, say that porn addiction provides the same amount of dopamine as heroine or cocaine. Sure, not as fatal as them, but the same level of dopamine rushes.
If its left untreated, people can have sexual problems such as erectile disfunction, and even deny their own sexual orientation. For example, an heterosexual person turns into a homosexual because of burnout in getting excited with so many different females that starts to like people of the same sex. A lot of people has that problem with porn nowadays, it is called HOCD.
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Pity that such information is not in mainstream. I have got a lot to read!
 
The key thing about people in relationships is the way they communicate, what they expect from each other. If there is expectation and a lack of that expectation being fulfilled there will be a search for something external. If an addict goes into that state. There is no searching, the object is already there, that is, the addictive substance. There is also projection. The projection of oneself onto the other. That is, what you feel you are lacking you say the other is. People are generally like this, but it comes out when they get into relationships.

In my humble opinion, porn addiction is more akin to addiction than sexuality and sex between partners. So, it matters less if one is in a relationship or not. What matters more is whether or not some individual has the capacity to live joyfully with oneself, not needing external stimuli. When one is capable of such a thing their future relationships will not be subject to expectations and/or protections.
 
Moopi said:
Hello brothers, excuse my naivety. But I had this question in my mind for quite a long time, and it seems a good place to ask this one.

From my question you may guess that I am not myself married or committed. For me, indulgence in porn should be a thing of single people who do not have much opportunity of sex - so what they cannot get in real they look into screen. Indeed, porn has only that much value for me. But what purpose porn serves to married people other than mere entertainment? I mean who plays with a toy car when he does have a real Audi!

Respond as you'll respond to your younger brother. Thanks!
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Because it's an addiction, not a substitute.

I used porn to escape emotions and feelings that I didn't know how to express, process and deal with. It was an escape, not a replacement for sex. I could have sex with my wife in the morning and be looking at reddit later that day.
 
Guys I'll be honest with you. I think porn as a kind of transgression. For some reason I'm not entitled to savour all those revelations of women body, her dignity, her vulnerability,... even if I pay for the material. It is like taking what is not given to me, nor that I've earned; and damn those who are accelerating this corruption. This is the only negative view I'd had about porn.

Sure I felt – very horribly – mental disturbances after consuming porn like anxiety and depression and felt porn to be the reason of all this. But I never knew porn in itself could be a full blown mental disease. Now I'm worried to what extent I've harmed my brain with it. :(
 
Moopi said:
Guys I'll be honest with you. I think porn as a kind of transgression. For some reason I'm not entitled to savour all those revelations of women body, her dignity, her vulnerability,... even if I pay for the material. It is like taking what is not given to me, nor that I've earned; and damn those who are accelerating this corruption. This is the only negative view I'd had about porn.

Sure I felt – very horribly – mental disturbances after consuming porn like anxiety and depression and felt porn to be the reason of all this. But I never knew porn in itself could be a full blown mental disease. Now I'm worried to what extent I've harmed my brain with it. :(
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Well neuroscience tells us that our brains have "nueroplasticity". That basically means it can be rewired. Time to start rewiring. In my opinion, you have a good mindset when it comes to not being entitled to a woman's body. Leave yourself open for a great possible change. When you do this your intelligence will flower. You are capable.
 
eagle rising said:
Well neuroscience tells us that our brains have "nueroplasticity". That basically means it can be rewired. Time to start rewiring. In my opinion, you have a good mindset when it comes to not being entitled to a woman's body. Leave yourself open for a great possible change. When you do this your intelligence will flower. You are capable.
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Thank you for your encouraging words. :)
 
Porn addiction and consumption and sexual intimacy with a loving partner are as different as apple and oranges. Yes both acts end in orgasm. But the path to the release could not possibly be more difficult. Trust me that girlfriends or marriage do not make the addiction go away. You would think they would but they don’t.
 
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Fallen Angel Moopi said:
Hello brothers, excuse my naivety. But I had this question in my mind for quite a long time, and it seems a good place to ask this one.

From my question you may guess that I am not myself married or committed. For me, indulgence in porn should be a thing of single people who do not have much opportunity of sex - so what they cannot get in real they look into screen. Indeed, porn has only that much value for me. But what purpose porn serves to married people other than mere entertainment? I mean who plays with a toy car when he does have a real Audi!

Respond as you'll respond to your younger brother. Thanks!
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I watched MORE p0rn in marriage than when I was single! I always wanted more sex, it's addictive! We still have sex plenty of times a week, but I still wanted more so I ended up watching more porn when she didn't match up to my sex drive. 3-4 times a week isn't enough for me, so I turnt to more porn and longer sessions. It's a vicious cycle.

And, apparently, we have more sex than most married couples??!
 
I have a wife, two small children; wife does the nursing and is often exhausted in the evening (she also has many health ailments), plus she won’t stop taking libido-reducing birth control pills, plus she has some emotional issues I can’t get out of her despite numerous different attempts... = no sex for two months and counting.

So yeah, the saying that being in a relationship only “gives you access to” sex rather than entitles you to it is entirely correct. At least in my case.

Still, I’ve managed to keep porn off my daily routine for quite some time now.
 
Fallen Angel Moopi said:
Hello brothers, excuse my naivety. But I had this question in my mind for quite a long time, and it seems a good place to ask this one.

From my question you may guess that I am not myself married or committed. For me, indulgence in porn should be a thing of single people who do not have much opportunity of sex - so what they cannot get in real they look into screen. Indeed, porn has only that much value for me. But what purpose porn serves to married people other than mere entertainment? I mean who plays with a toy car when he does have a real Audi!

Respond as you'll respond to your younger brother. Thanks!
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Because even if you are in a relationship, married, in love with someone, you are still attracted to the opposite sex, and you actually get more sexually excited by something new.

I was actually talking to my friend earlier who is married and he told me how he would love to have sex with this woman who he works with. Telling me all the kinky things he wants to do to her. But he wouldn't because he loves his wife and is faithful to his wife. But that doesn't stop him from having these sexual fantasies.

It's the same with porn. Porn is easy, porn has constant new content and constant searching, and your not going to have this constant ongoing sexual excitement for someone you have been in a relationship with for a while. It basically won't be the same sexual excitement that you experienced when you first started seeing this person for instance, and when you first started going out with this person. After a while that sexual excitement and thrill that you first got fades, regardless if you still love the person.

There is certain things people can do to spice their relationship up. Not having sex too often, trying new sexual activities etc. But as it turns out one of the things that really causes that sexual excitement and thrill to return in a relationship is when a couple live apart for a certain period of time and don't see each other for a certain period of time, and then in a lot of cases this actually seems to cause a much higher level of sexual affection for your partner.
 
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Having a special person in your life can make treating porn addiction easier by giving you a bold incentive to become cured. Who wants to have to keep a part of your life secret from the one you love? Not to mention the sexual issues that you will probably end up getting sooner or later. But it can actually make thing harder too. The 'chaser' effect, following a pleasurable session with your wife, can kick in a day or two later. And it can be difficult to stop the porn images coming into your head while enjoying sex with a partner, if you have relied on that kind of material for a long time. In fact, a lot of guys in relationships refrain from sexual activity with their wife for a short period during nofap to help them 'reset'.
 
fredisthebes said:
Having a special person in your life can make treating porn addiction easier by giving you a bold incentive to become cured. Who wants to have to keep a part of your life secret from the one you love? Not to mention the sexual issues that you will probably end up getting sooner or later. But it can actually make thing harder too. The 'chaser' effect, following a pleasurable session with your wife, can kick in a day or two later. And it can be difficult to stop the porn images coming into your head while enjoying sex with a partner, if you have relied on that kind of material for a long time. In fact, a lot of guys in relationships refrain from sexual activity with their wife for a short period during nofap to help them 'reset'.
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The chaser is the main reason for most of my relapses!
 
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