I don't know if this is unique to addicts or not . I think In general women are more quick to apologize than men and I've experienced this in prior relationships but never to the extent my SO does and after this weekend I am starting to think this character flaw may be more fatal than the PMO. His standard as to whether he will apologize is whether he thinks he's done something wrong on purpose . Under that standard no one would ever apologize! Most people don't think what they do is wrong or they would not have done it in the first place. And even if I can get him to admit he was wrong which is rare he will only apologize if he sees it as purposeful conduct which again means he's using his own judgment to decide how I deserve to feel. I understand that different people get hurt by different things. He often says well that would not hurt me if you did it, but that's not the point! And I never would do that to him because I know it's hurtful conduct as it hurts me. So I am willing to bet if I did it would hurt him. And I'm pretty easy going . I give in a lot because there are few things that are worth the fight to me. People think that because I'm a lawyer I like to argue but that's not true it's exhausting to do it in my personal life and not worth it. So if I dig my heels in it's once in a blue moon and his actions are always something that he has done before many times and knows they bother me because we have had this same fight 25 times before. So to me at that point it is on purpose because he knows that it bothers me but still does it then says well you should not be upset that's stupid. And it's not like there are 20 things so he can't remember there are 2. One of which is him ignoring my texts and phone calls for hours! And we are talking 8 hours no response and this is when he is "out" with his friends not working because I don't get mad at work. Last night he did it again and still now 24 hours later will not apologize. It's the same play book every time. Everything I do is wrong. I'm a horrible person why are you even with me? Attempts to manipulate. Then when it becomes clearly his behavior is indefensible he starts to say well you did this or you did that. Finally he just refuses to answer . Last night I had had it and I said what is more important to you being right or me? His response was that he would have to think about it and I hung up on him! He sees apologizing as giving in Or losing. It's like he's keeping some sort of score and we are not a team. It seems that he is trying to almost dominate me or have the upper hand. I asked him what does he get out of not apologizing what is he gaining? Response is that I need to understand he's not wrong. But I don't think that or understand it and all it does is infuriate me. I readily apologize with no problem. I told him the standard is if something you did hurt someone you apologize whether you think you are wrong or not. You hurt someone. You try to understand why they are upset you don't just say I think I'm not wrong so I'm done! He's only 2 months past his lying to me and getting an apology out of him is like extracting an impacted wisdom tooth. And it's more important to him to be right in his mind and lose me than to admit he's wrong. And I went through each and every time I did apologize in the last week alone so he could see I do. I just feel like he's working against me against us as a team. He's on his team. I mean if someone you love is hurt you want to fix it . The behavior is extremely selfish and I don't know how he can have any relationship at all. You have to decide what's better for the team. I mean do dudes sit in a room and say yes I won I have the upper hand? He was like this before he stopped pmo but nothing this bad its like 10 times worse and I'm not sure why! An apology or your relationship and he can't decide? Please ladies and gents help me out here I'm at my wits end.