Why does porn addiction so often end up in femdom/humiliation fetishes?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by john27, Dec 5, 2018.

  1. john27

    john27 Fapstronaut

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    This is something I've been noticing browsing here and on other websites. Guys start out vanilla and depending on how extreme their addiction gets they often end up with fetishes like Femdom, sissy, cuckolding and the like, myself being no exception, basically humiliation porn.

    I started out watching softcore porn as in simple pictures of women in underwear when I was a teenager, today 13 or so years later my fantasies revolve around being dominated and things like lesbian porn that used to be my go to fapping material does nothing for me anymore. It's strange because I'm ashamed of this but at the same time that shame seems to be what's driving the fetish.

    When I was young and had my first girlfriend I remember how excited it made me feel just the thought of making love to her and it was fantastic in bed. A couple of years ago I literally couldn't cum during sex and all I was thinking about was how much I wanted her to hold me down and fuck me with a strap on, I fapped afterwards instead while fantasizing about that.

    I've gone of long streaks of nofap in the past and while I got benefits of more energy and the like, it did nothing to help "reset" my brain. Even worse, these fetishes only seem to get more extreme. I guess it's like a junkie chasing an ever better high. The rabbit hole is really deep.

    What are your thoughts about this?
     
  2. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    This is the reward center creating weird fetishes to maintain a flow of excitatory transmitters so as to fend off tolerance. Yes, porn can cause tolerance and is therefore to be considered addictive no matter what psychologists or doctors may tell you. If it weren't addictive you wouldn't have millions of young men getting weird fetishes that include femdom, tranny, sissy, rape, gay porn and God knows what else.

    It's all perfectly explained on yourbrainonporn.com. Basically over time the brain needs these fetishes just to function. In that regard porn could be considered a drug and it is, time for the world to treat it like one.
     
  3. DucksInARow

    DucksInARow Fapstronaut

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    The submissive stance is an old animalistic trait - its like the last throw of the dice in the presence of a stronger opponent. In psychology they call it the 'Fawn' response - it usually comes after fight flight or freeze don't work. Thats why its a late stage phenomena.

    Don't forget, these derive from potentially successful responses to danger - meaning there are 'reward' sensations in the body that will trigger if it is felt the behaviour could save our lives.

    These pathways, just like all the others, are then hijacked by the addictive personality (the false ego) in order to maintain its own racket.
     
  4. I think situation when somebody else, imprerious and powerful takes control is really alluring if you feel powerless, unwanted and seek for opportunity to escape. You feel accepted if women really want to do stuff with you, right? Even if she humiliate you, she pays you some attention. And you don't need to worry about your performance if nothing depends on you. Seeking femdom insisently is like escaping - you want something else in charge, you want to hide.

    Another factor can be shame. You know you are bad or deviated (because of porn), so you seek somebody to punish you, you want some kind of absolution. It is risky as fuck. Femdom porn industry make you feel weaker and less masculine in order to enslave you! But you need to be proactive in your life, not seek escape from reality in submission. Women don't like submissive men. They sometimes like to dominate or seduce hard, strong and proud men, just to prove they are attractive and gifted. But there is no satisfaction from dominating somebody, who is desperately seeking for it and is so easy.
     
  5. IWantToChange:')

    IWantToChange:') Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure I understand this completely.. but it makes sense to me.. Like everything and especially when you said false ego.. Because to me it's like having a false personality and if I jut fix that, then it will fix my sexuality too..

    And to me, it's also related to sleep. For example, I think if someone has good sleep ALL THE TIME, it will melt the sexual desires.
     
  6. ChicagoGenXGuy

    ChicagoGenXGuy Fapstronaut

    I've heard the scientific/evolutionary case that your highly qualified/equipped male rival for your wife/gf turns you on because of the rivalry, and the primitive instinct/thought that she's getting better sperm from him drives your brain crazy with a mix of sexually charged impulses, some at odds with each other, e.g., wow look at this guy with my wife/gf... I'm so jealous, humiliated, competitive, angry, happy (for her), etc.

    I understand the humiliation and self-inflicted mortification but I see it less as an escalation of porn addiction via fetish (more more more dopamine) than a reflection of some early childhood trauma that results in humiliation = sexual arousal tendencies. The only way to get at that trauma effectively is to be free from active sex/PMO addiction.

    So to me you have to quit active fetish/fantasy cold until it's truly gone or backburnered. This is my biggest threat right now, memories of real life porn (many & varies sexual affairs) my ex-wife had. It's worse than any online porn I ever consumed. It still owns me and I have a long way to go before I'm ready to tackle the root cause.

    I have a new gf of 6 months but I don't have these fantasies with her. But relative to my ex the memory archive porn is stuck to me like glue. I did another post seeking help with these memories in the 5-7am range every day. I get hard and the temptation is overwhelming. That's PMO and to me it should count. If I'm MO to those memories I'm relapsed. Very powerful insidious stuff. Wish I could pay to get those memories zapped. No other actual produced porn/erotica of any kind even comes close in impact, not even on the same planet.

    I'm surprised memory archive porn doesn't get more coverage here. It's the worst because I carry it with me and can call it up like an on-demand service. But I don't have to call it up. It calls on me which is my huge problem in recovery and a terrible obstacle to the goal of identifying and addressing the root cause ASAP.
     
  7. Admonius

    Admonius Fapstronaut

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    From my own experiences with this, and with findom (which drove me broke), a lot of it has to do with self worth and self value. I got into humiliation as I have low self value. I got into doms on cam because I just wanted the attention good or bad. I got into it because I was lonely and craving attention
     
  8. Hank Moody 99

    Hank Moody 99 Fapstronaut

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    Because of novelty..
     
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  9. random guy 84

    random guy 84 New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for writing that down. It perfectly describes the place that I seem to be trapped in since years. Is there anything that can be done about it? And yes, I’m willing to pay for such a “brain reset” too …
     
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  10. Chappie77

    Chappie77 Fapstronaut

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    Disgust, shame, danger and revulsion are powerful emotions.
    They heighten arousal.
    Causing a heightened release in neurochemicals during PMO.
    People latch on to things that create an emotional response during masturbation,
    and negative emotions can produce the strongest responses.

    People look for novelty and more heightened reactions.
    Taboo becomes exciting and the material of choice.
    I now realise my sexual proclivities was warped by porn addiction and more harder/deviant content escalation.
    Something was wrong were I had gone through my formative years and early adult years having had an exclusively heterosexual orientation but then start to PMO to tranny porn so late in my life.

    I don't believe this was some latent homosexuality, as I have never been attracted to men.
    But a porn induced fetish that I hooked onto.

    As an older guy who has been M since before the internet age I have witnessed how porn sites and content have become more fetish based.
    Porn when I first had internet was fairly vanilla. only now in the last 5 years are we seeing incest, cuckold, tranny, humiliation porn becoming more mainstream.
     
  11. deepspace

    deepspace Fapstronaut

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    This gets to the heart of it. I'd wager that most of the guys into femdom are probably single/virgins. I lost my virginity in a femdom scenario.

    I've had the full femdom experience. Had a "mistress" and everything (three of them actually). Was nothing like porn though, even though there was the bondage and feet licking and spankings and stuff. It was 20% fun and 80% irritating. How can I put it? It felt like she wasn't really dominant and I wasn't really submissive... She was my mistress, but she had real emotional needs and vulnerabilities that became apparent really quickly, unlike the hot sadistic ice queens from the porn videos. When I think back to my experiences with her, it wasn't the fetish stuff that I remember, but the bittersweet post-coital embraces of two struggling people trying to make their way in the world...

    Sorry I can't be more clear. I guess the point is that you're not likely to find the porno femdom experience in real life, without a good wad of cash anyways. It's a bullshit fantasy (for most guys who really aren't submissive and just want hot lose yourself under her heels action), maybe like girls who fantasize about being raped. Real rape is traumatic, and the fake kind is fake.
     
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2019
  12. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    It's masochism which is caused by low serotonin levels. It's curable with sertraline and increasing serotonin levels with swear words or 5-htp tablets.

    https://www.vox.com/2014/8/26/6066069/swearing-science-obscenity-research
    "swearing seems to activate the autonomic nervous system"

    https://theshoeman647325124.wordpress.com/category/medicalisation/
    "Odynophilic (masochistic) pleasures derived from pain trigger a reaction from the autonomic nervous system."

    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16157378
    "Especially high levels of serotonin are found in limbic forebrain structures." - This is where swear words come from.

    https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326090.php
    "Serotonin inhibits impulsive behavior, while dopamine enhances impulsivity."

    https://www.medicinenet.com/paraphilia/article.htm#what_is_the_treatment_for_paraphilia
    "SSRIs may be a helpful addition to other treatments, because they tend to decrease sexual obsessiveness and urges associated with paraphilias"

    This article says a lack of serotonin can cause "masochistic tendencies".
    https://globalharmonycrew.com/test/serotonin-deficiency-test/jgi902569a4534aec310c646c28e78a49b7/

    https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-surprising-health-benefits-of-swearing/
    "Psychological & Physical Health. The best health benefits of swearing include increased circulation, elevated endorphin, and serotonin levels, and an overall sense of calm, control, and well-being."

    https://link.springer.com/article/10.2165/00023210-199503010-00002
    "Based on the available animal and clinical literature, diminished central serotonin (5-hydroxytryptamine; 5-HT) neurotransmission may be involved in the aetiology of human sexual impulse disorders."
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2019
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  13. Master Chips

    Master Chips Fapstronaut

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    It might not always be the case to go to femdom. and if so, maybe considering BDSM as a whole. I think this is due to cumulative fantasizing and the increase of Dopamine needs which leads a person to enter get to more Fetishes, which lead to a lot of things including BDSM. If we assume Femdom as a main fetish that usually men get through could be because it contains every sort of fantasy.

    speaking about excessive masturbation, I read once in some article(can't find it) that it causes a person to be more submissive by time and becoming Beta males. So this can be a reason as well.
     
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  14. Confiscate

    Confiscate Fapstronaut

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    Perfect! That's what i want to hear! This is what motivates me! Freaking disgusting habit i'm so fed up with it. It has to stop it's eating all my life away!
     
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  15. DGZ

    DGZ Fapstronaut

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    Do you really notice no changes after 500+ days? Or were your streaks shorter than that?
     
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  16. Ronaldo Machuca

    Ronaldo Machuca Fapstronaut

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    Cause you start off with soft porn and girls in lingerie or something similar then go into full nudity like Playboy then normal straight porn then your body isn't satisfied with that so it needs longer sessions and more erotic porn, and it continues till you have browsed so much that you end up on fetish porn and that becomes the normal for you. it's legit and evolution.
     
  17. Your diet needs to change. I heard a naturopathic doctor tell me that its diet and lifestyle that changes the body mind programming.
     
  18. The doctor told me stay away from grains and whole grains and gluten and soy. They are feminizing. I experimented in the past with this. When i didn't eat them. About 2 weeks in i would literally get really brave and start taking risks. My anger would be through the roof. I would get heavy instead of light. (Feeling heavy) not weight wise. its hard to explain that one. But yea you got to change your diet up.
     
  19. Ronaldo Machuca

    Ronaldo Machuca Fapstronaut

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    Um food has nothing to do with it.
     
  20. fedmom

    fedmom Fapstronaut

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    Certain foods can increase serotonin but it's not enough to stop you being turned on by femdom.
     

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