Why I am quitting porn and masturbation.

I was molested at a young age and was exposed to pornography. I was enticed and addicted as soon as I viewed porn for the first time. I was also verbally abused by my mother which lead to low self confidence, thinking I would never amount to anything and overall has damaged my upbringing. This probably lead to me needing some sort of escape which was video games to start. At an early age I was addicted to video games, which then the porn addiction came and then the drugs. I dug myself deeper into the hole of addiction, I was feeding the desires of my brain and body. I was on a route to destruction and had nothing really going for my life... my body just craved gratification from porn, drugs and video games. It sucked the life out of me, just a useless waste of life with no contribution to the world. Eventually at one point in my life I knew I had to dig myself out of the pit of shame and death, I fell in love with bodybuilding. I wanted to be healthy again, I admired the bodies that looked like statues. This was already after I had dropped out of music school because of my drinking/drug/partying problem. I started a bit of a fitness journey during my time in university, though during my 3rd year I became hopelessly addicted to porn, Got in trouble with drinking and left. I got addicted to bodybuilding and quit cocaine, I lived a much healthier life and I was not using porn very much. I met my beautiful girlfriend Chantale later on and things were great I was in love. I started moving towards my old habits with drugs and partying again, we had fun but it lead to pain and sorrow. I was using porn again and she eventually found out, from there our relationship was starting to go downhill. The story goes on and on, I repeatedly hurt her because I haven't been able to master myself. I have been clean of drugs and Ive stopped playing video games, but I have not yet conquered this habit that has dominated more than half my life. I thank god that he put Chantale in my life, through her I learned about God and Jesus Christ. That there is a way out and way to be saved from sin... there is a way out of anything with god just ask and you shall receive if it is part of Gods will... if he has helped me with all other parts of my life he will be there for me when I'm struggling with porn, Cause quite frankly none of my friends understand because they think theres nothing wrong with porn. I'm facing a spiritual battle, my body and mind tempts me to watch porn but through the power of god and the mind I can destroy those thoughts and cravings but I must turn to god for help. I learnt a lot from Chantale and God, it turned out that bodybuilding and exercise wasn't going to save me either it was just another thing I was addicted to. I've been addicted to pornography and masturbation for more than half my life. It has lowered my confidence, changed the way I look at woman and is destroying my relationship with a girl that I deeply care for. It has no real benefit, pornography de-values women and is a secret shameful thing that most people don't even talk about. If it is the right thing to do, then why does everybody do it alone/hiding it from others. It has destroyed intimacy between me and my girlfriend. I have become to lazy at being intimate when I can just have instant gratification which again is wrong and is damaging our bond. Masturbation has stripped my motivation and has killed my drive, even when I have quit I find myself craving it/having thoughts that I must battle because its been a habitual thing I've done for so long. My girlfriend is depressed and hurt, she no longer trusts me and is hanging on by a thread. Every time I lapse it devastates our relationship and I feel really bad about it. The worst part is that I used pornography/masturbation to cope with all my emotions, so when I'm feeling down/bored/angry so I would turn to it.... I'm quitting for my own well being, to save my relationship, to be inspired to write music and for the glory of God.

Thanks for reading.

-Preston

 

Amen Brotha!! Thanks DJ. I appreciate your response. This is my first time using this forum and I really enjoyed reading your "In case you didn't know" post, It was very encouraging.

 

Thanks bro. I plan on starting a journal soon to keep track of temptations, achievements and thoughts. Very thankful for the support.